Page 9 of Raw & Vulnerable

She dreams of people breaking in and holding guns to her head, dragging her out to their car. Minnie wakes up in tears and takes another Xanax to help her back into oblivion, her mind running circles around her greatest fears, deeply ingrained in her soul.

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Days go by in this fashion. Suddenly, this interloper in her boring, safe life becomes part of her new norm. Worse, he’s always on her mind, like a terrible little pop song with an utterly catchy tune. Round and round her thoughts go, catching on the little things she notices about him while he’s at the library, apparently oblivious to her very existence.

Well, he’s notalwaysoblivious to her existence. Sometimes, she catches him looking at her and he’s the sort that doesn’t look away when caught, so that flusters her entirely.

She’s drawn to him just as she’s repulsed. Absurdly, Minnie realizes that the very things that repel her are the things that keep pulling her in. A sick loop that she can’t escape. Minnie likes safe, nice, well-dressed men. That’s what she’s always liked. Not…criminals! Ex-cons! Not men who look like they routinely fight in some shady underground fight club on the weekends.

Yet, the very glimpse of his tattooed hands, holding a text or even flipping a page…sends heat into her belly. There’s something about him she can’t pull away from and she finds herself frustrated that she wants a man who probably doesn’t think of her in that way.

She’s twisted in her desire, driving herself to madness.

And worse; she’s probably not his type whatsoever. He probably wants a girl with a tramp stamp and pierced nipples. Minnie sighs, rubbing her eyes behind her glasses in dismay. It would be easier to forget him if he weren’t always around. There aren’t often men anywhere near her age in the library, so usually she doesn’t have these ridiculous flights of fancy.

And this guy? Well, he just doesn’tgo away. She admires that he’s studying so hard, regardless. He’s always working on classwork at odd hours of the day, in between what she’s gathered to be his construction work.

Today, as she’s pushing the book cart about for shelving, she passes him by, her eyes flickering over the nape of his neck, the ink on the side. She wants to reach out and touch him, terribly so-

Oh, no.

She yelps in surprise as he folds the corner of the pages in a few different sections, unaware of her observation of him. His head jerks upwards in shock, green-brown eyes wide in concern. “Whoa, girl. Where’s the fire?”

Her fingers are itching.

“Don’t fold the pages like that!” Minnie reaches into the folder on her cart and pulls out a purple bookmark, placing it in the book. She has to lean forward to do so, close enough that she can smell his aftershave. It’s nice, clean, like pine needles and clove. She flushes, catching his eyes intently on her face.

Then, the corners of his eyes crinkle and he chuckles lowly. “You just can’t help yourself, can you?”

Embarrassed over her own obsessiveness for taking care of things, her need for neatness and order, Minnie hides her vague humiliation by sighing with exaggerated exasperation. “Why don’t you just buy the textbooks? Then you can abuse and debase them however you please in your spare time.”

Then, you don’t have to be here,driving me out of my mind. Thinking about your tongue between my breasts.

He smirks a bit, amused by her. “You go straight to the dark when it comes to things you think I want to do to books, yeah? Are you actually one of those nasty librarians that they always tell us exist in pornos?”

“Absolutely not!” Minnie flushes, pushing her glasses back up her nose. She’s never even watched porn, so what does she know?

“You’re right. You’re probably the least deviant person I know,” he comments, giving her a glance out of the corner of his eye. His lips curl a bit at that, a strangely attractive mix of sneer and fondness in the expression.

Minnie sniffs in a prissy, know-it-all fashion. Inside, she feels herself warm; he considers her a person he ‘knows’. It’s an intriguing revelation. He’s not terrible and frankly, every interaction she has with him seems to improve his disposition towards her. He’d been a right ass the first time she’d really talked to him, but now he’s mellowing with a hint of bite.

Aw, is she melting his ‘bad man’ persona, just a hint?

“You’re in night school, I assume?” She thinks of what else to ask, to clarify her curiosity. It’s odd engaging with someone new. She socializes so little in her spare time. “What are you going for?”

“Yes.” He holds up the book on engineering. “Trade school. Engineering. You know that already.”

“I do, but…why? What do you want to do with it? I’m just…curious.” Minnie bites her lip, feeling stupid. This is one reason, amongmanyothers, why she doesn’t date. She’s awkward as hell around men. Forcing through her constant prickle of unease is a full-time job. “It not an easy subject to just pick up after…well, a long time away from school.”

She’s not going to say prison, because she’s sensed it’s a sore spot with him. Though, she’s dying to know what he did. It’s a bit terrifying, wondering if she’s speaking to a killer or a gangster, maybe even a drug dealer. Or worse; all three!

His eyes do an interesting little dip below her face, the barest whisper of a glance at her breasts, pushing out the front of her pink blouse. Minnie pretends she doesn’t notice even though her stomach flips a bit. He leans back in his seat, legs spread, the palms of his hands resting casually on his thighs. “It’s not easy, but I need a job that makes better, more consistent money.” He makes a little sound of derision, his lip curling as his eyes drop back to the table. “I can’t do what I did before.”

Don’t you dare ask him, Minnie.

It takes all her willpower to not say a darn word, because it sounds like whatever he did landed him in the slammer for a long time.

Anxiety wells up inside of her, like an ocean rising. “I think it’s admirable. My…uh…father paid for my college. He’s not pleased with what I did with my rather expensive education.” At the word ‘expensive’, she notices his eyes glance at the watch on her wrist;Tiffany’s, an old gift from her father.

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