Page 83 of The Flame and the Forsaken

The cove was the very last place he wanted to be with Yesenia, but to say so would attach more meaning to it than it deserved. If he had moved on, the cove would mean nothing. Itdidmean nothing. “Let’s be quick about it.”

Yesenia led the way, Erran holding several intentional paces behind her as he checked to make sure no one was watching them slip away together. When she ducked into the grotto, he sighed and followed her in.

“Where’s Corin?” Erran left his arms crossed, as though he couldn’t trust them, which wasn’t true. He could trust himself. But he needed Yesenia to see he wasn’t going to suddenly launch himself at her like last time, even if she was the one who had invited him.

“He knows where I am and why,” she answered, leaning against the rough cave wall. “I wanted to apologize. For how I left Warwicktown after I was married, without even a good-bye.”

Erran shook his head quickly. “It would...” He almost didn’t finish, but he needed to. For himself. For Mariel. “It wouldn’t have lasted much longer, I ken.”

She considered that for a few moments. “Maybe you’re right. Doesnae matter anymore. When the king stole my life from me, I was so feckin’ angry at the world, and I suppose at you too.”

“At me?”

“’Cos I knew... I knew you’d move on. And ye should have. Of course ye should have. I donnae ken why it angered me so, especially when I’d fallen for Corin in spite of my monumental effort not to, but it did. AndthenI was angry at ye for still loving me, which is backward, I know. Ye couldnae have won is what I’m saying, because the rules of the game were never fair.” Yesenia bowed her head. “We never got our closure. The king saw to it, but I sealed it with my stubbornness. If I’d have been kinder... clearer... what happened the last time we saw each other wouldnae have happened at all. It was out of character for you, which is how I know you’d reached the end of your wits. And I want ye to know, Erran, that I see my part in it now. And I’m sorry.”

Yesenia’s confession was as unexpected as it was informative. He hadn’t thought of it from the view she presented, that she’d been angry at him for moving on after she’d done exactly the same thing. “There’s no need to be. What’s done is done,” he said, replaying her words.

“I was also mad that you’d told me ye loved me, ’cos...” She seemed to gather her courage. “I loved ye too, but there wasnae a thing I could do about it. And it was a different definition of love than the one I know now.”

Erran understood perfectly, but he didn’t know how to voice to her what he hadn’t even voiced to himself.

He had fallen in love with Mariel Ashdown, and the thrilling sensation utterly eclipsed anything he’d ever felt for Yesenia.

“I like her, Erran. I hope you two are happy together.”

“Aye, I am happy,” he answered, because he wasn’t sure anymore if the same was true for Mariel. As much as he appreciated Yesenia’s gesture, the longer they talked, the more uneasy he grew about being there with her. He regretted not pushing back harder. If anyonehadseen, there’d be no end to the trouble. His reputation wouldn’t recover this time, but worse than all of that, Mariel would believe nothing he said ever again.

“You should reassure her then.”

Erran thought of the letter in his pocket that he’d written to give to Yesenia and decided it was no longer necessary. Maybe he’d written it more for himself anyway, the closure she had denied him before.

He patted his pocket and let his hand fall away. “I need to go find her.”

Mariel watchedErran and Yesenia sneak off together. Her gaze traveled with them to the cove—the feckin’cove—and her body followed. She cursed herself for being such a jealous fool, for caring at all about a man whose caprices changed with the tides.

But the truth would relieve her burdens, as her mother used to say. There was no use pining for what wasn’t. The sooner she recovered her heart, the sooner it could be hers again.

“I suspect she’s intimidated by me,” Yesenia was saying.

“Everyone is, which is how you’ve always liked it,” Erran said. “I should head back before tongues start wagging. Maybe you should wait a moment after I leave.”

“You were right. We should have done this somewhere else.”

“Aye, but what’s done is done.”

An easy silence permeated the air. Mariel flattened herself against the rocks and told herself it was all right. It was better to know. Better to return to who she’d been before, impenetrable against such a vulnerable assault. Things had been good then, sometimes even great. Hard, yes, but she’d known what to expect and had known where everyone in her life had stood. Where she’d stood.

“You’ll always be a part of me, Erran,” Yesenia said softly. Her boots clicked on the rocks. “I’m sorry for never saying I loved ye back. I should have.”

“Aye,” he said with a laugh that sounded almost angry. “But ye always were willful.”

Mariel didn’t need to hear any more. She loathed herself for needing any of it, for thinking it would give her the strength to put these foolish, useless feelings back into one of the many tiny boxes where she placed all the inconveniences of her life. So what if they’d bonded on the island? Enjoyed each other? At least she’d learned she liked sex. She’d like it even better when her heart wasn’t attached to the man underneath her.

She staggered back to the beach, her insufficient breaths a sharp contrast to the resolve in her mind. It was done. She was done. It was as simple as that.

But if she didn’t want this anymore, why did it hurt so badly?

If she’d convinced herself to move on, why was the pain almost more than she could bear?

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