Page 59 of The Flame and the Forsaken

“Think? No. You didn’t think. You didn’t think about what might happen to you out there, what might go wrong. What it would do tomeif... if you’ddiedout there.” He grunted in frustration, his hands laced over his head as he paced to the other end of the cabin.

Mariel’s heart missed a beat. “No,” she admitted, swallowing. “And I’m sorry for that too.”

“Are you?” he asked, still facing away.

“Yes, Erran. Iamsorry. For... everything. For lying to you. For marrying you when I could hardly stand to look at you. For putting you through far more than you deserved out here when all you’ve done is try to make peace.” She tried to push up onto her elbows, but stars danced in her eyes, and she went sprawling back onto the cot. “I’ve always been better atdoing. And I thought providing for us would show you what I couldn’t find the words to say.”

He didn’t speak for a full minute. “You just said them well enough.”

Mariel’s visceral response was to demand to know why he’d even followed her to begin with, but her instincts had gotten her into enough trouble, creating a rift that wasn’t necessary and had only hurt them both, in a time when they needed to be united. “I don’t want to fight with you anymore.”

He turned around. “I never wanted to fight with you, Mariel.”

A flash of her old self came out. “Nay, but you didn’t want to marry me either.”

“You think me a lovesick fool who can’t see past his heartache? That I miss her so much, I could never...” He pressed his mouth tight, shaking his head. “Ididn’twant to marry you. The first day I met you, you had this... this obstinate look about you, and Iknewwe’d butt heads. I knew.” His head kept shaking with his unsaid thoughts.

“I married you...” Was she really going to say it? Could she? She swallowed her pride and tried. “Because I needed to get close to your father.”

“Aye, I gathered that.” His chin dimpled. “So you could steal from him.”

“Nay. So I could take back what was never his.”

Fire flashed in his eyes, but he didn’t put voice to it. He sank onto another chair and hung his head between his legs. “I want to... rage at you. Call you all sorts of awful... but I’m just relieved you’re finally speaking truth in your words. These past months finally make sense.”

“I don’t know if you care or if it even matters now, but the most maddening thing for me was discovering you weren’t a bad person after all.” Tears trickled down her cheeks. “I thought you were spoiled and entitled, but you absolutely stunned me with what a good man you are. I couldn’t understand how you could be a Rutland and also be so honorable, and I decided not to see those things. To see only what I needed to see to keep going. I think I’ve been doing it with everything in my life for so long that I no longer know right from wrong, good from bad.” She wiped her face. “I can’t apologize for Obsidian Sky. I won’t. But I’m sorry you were put in the middle of something that has nothing to do with you.”

“I don’t know why,” he said quietly. “But I believe you.”

She laughed through her tears. “I’d assure you of my honesty, but it would mean little, wouldn’t it?”

“You asked me last night if I hated you...” When he glanced up, she was shocked to see he was crying too. “I’ll ask you the same thing now.”

Mariel bit her inner lip and shook her head. The tears were spilling so much, her vision blurred. “Nay. I don’t hate you, Erran.”

He stood and made a slow path toward her, then dropped onto the edge of the cot. “Let’s start over, Mariel. Let’s forget... forget who we wereout thereand be who we wish to behere.Forget my father. Forget your extracurricular activities.” His mouth twitched. “Forget all of it. I just want...”

“What?” Her voice creaked.

Erran pulled one of her hands into his and held it there. “To know you. Toreallyknow you.”

She wanted to ask why, but that was her defenses kicking in, protecting her. The truth was she wanted to know him too, and she could think of no better place than the little world they’d stumbled upon and made their own. “Aye. I’d like that.”

He blinked hard and sniffled once. “Right. You’re fading. And I have a boar to dress.”

“Can you haul him back yourself?”

Erran shot her a look as if to say,really?

Mariel mimed sewing her lips shut.

He laughed.

She laughed with him.

“I’m sorry as well.” He released her hand and stood. She felt a pang of grief at him leaving her side. “I shouldn’t have dismissed your idea about the boar. I was being stubborn. And if you hadn’t... gone out there and made yourself bait?—”

Mariel gave himself a playful smack. “My idea wasn’t a bad one, all right? The branch did me wrong.”

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