Page 146 of The Duke and the Disciple

A young woman who had just finished looking over Rahn’s minor, pointless wounds leaped out of the wagon and ushered them over.

Rahn helped her spread the blankets out and climbed in beside them to assist Drazhan and the girl, Seala, in sliding Aesylt into place. Seala shoved everyone out of the way and climbed over Aesylt to straddle her, mouthing indecipherable words as she withdrew a dagger and sliced through the patchy swaddling covering her midsection.

“Guardians keep us,” Lord Dereham cried and turned away, his arms crossed over his chest.

One quick look was all it took to leave Rahn in question of Aesylt’s fate. “Squish,” he whispered, crawling behind where her head rested. He knelt forward, over her, and pressed his lips to her temple. “This is not how it ends for you. You are as...” A sob choked his throat. “Youarethe stars, Squish. Youarethe sky. That’s what I should have said when you asked me... when you asked me...”

“Adrahn,” Drazhan barked. “Get out of her way.”

“He’s not in the way, sir,” Seala said, looking back. “His presence is calming her.” She fluttered her hands over Aesylt’s belly and resumed her silent chanting.

“Marek’s body is just over there, Steward,” Rahn heard Uli Castel say. “The scholar dealt with him.”

“On purpose?”

“Unless he accidentally ran his sword clean through the man’s heart and twisted, I’d say so.”

“Someone keep watch on Valerian. I want everyone to see he’s with us when we reach the Cross.” Drazhan groaned. “Healer?”

Palm over palm, measuring his breaths as he needed her to, Rahn smoothed Aesylt’s hair away from her face.Stay with me. Stay with me, Aes, and I’ll make up for all of it.He kissed her again, anyone watching be damned.Any part of me you need is yours.

“The bleeding has stopped. I sense no foreign objects inside of her. I’m working on restoring her now,” Seala said. “She’s steady enough to get the wagons moving, sir.”

“I’ll stay with her,” Valerian said, rattling the gate as he started to climb.

“You ride with Uli. Bound, until we clear the Fanghelm gates,” Drazhan said. “The scholar will stay with her. Riders, mount up!”

Rahn looked up, catching Drazhan’s stony gaze when he passed.

“Is she your wife?” Seala asked as the wagon creaked to life. She uncapped her waterskin and took a deep sip.

If I wasn’t such a coward.Rahn shook his head. The wagon jerked as it crawled up a short hill toward the road.

“Huh.” Seala tossed the skin aside and lifted her arms in a deep breath.

Chapter27

A Better Man

Rahn hovered at the doorway, his hip anchored to the frame. Niklaus and Valerian were piled onto the bed with Aesylt, leaving a respectful enough distance to keep Drazhan from defenestrating them into the snow. They hadn’t left her side. Valerian had a right to be there, Rahn supposed, because he loved her, but Niklaus loved her too. Both had been loving her unconditionally her whole life, even when others had failed her.

Love like theirs was something Rahn only understood with the tragedy of hindsight.

She hadn’t woken at all, except her panicked rise from the wagon four nights ago, when they’d passed through the village gates of Witchwood Cross after the stress-filled ride home. “Hraz!” she’d cried, pitching forward, only to teeter back into Rahn’s arms.

Four vedhmas had been coming and going regularly, but they all said the same thing.

Her body is mended. Her soul is still searching for a way back.

Rahn understood the statement so much more now than he ever could have before. He also finally grasped the true, fundamental difference between himself and Aesylt. They were both rooted to their traumas, but Aesylt had been actively searching for the joy hers had stolen from her. Rahn had run as far from his as his legs could carry him.

And then hehadfound joy—and ruined it. Ruined her. He’d seen the moment the dazzling light had winked from her eyes that day in the tower. It had been blazing so bright, in hope. For him. All he’d had to do was reach out and take it—take her—in his arms and forget the past, cast aside the thin reasons he’d given for why his life had room for just one passion and embrace the fear. The last time he’d loved deeply, he had watched everyone in his heart sink into the ocean.To love me is to know death,he’d said to Teleria back then, and while she’d comforted him, she hadn’t corrected him.

But love was more than a feeling. It was more than joy. It was pain and sacrifice and choice. It was knowing when that love was too big to do anything but suffocate. Letting go was the ultimate act of love because there was no reward for the loneliness that followed.

“Adrahn.” Drazhan rapped the wall behind him. “We need to talk.”

Rahn breathed deep. He’d been waiting for “the talk.” Drazhan had divided his time between Fanghelm and Hoarfrost over the preceding days, and everyone was waiting for him to announce the outcome of his negotiations with the Barynovs. “Your office?”

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