Page 152 of The Duke and the Disciple

Sometimes she read to Aesylt from a book of poems Rahn had purchased somewhere in the Easterlands, on his way to the Cross. She couldn’t remember where. It only seemed important now that she couldn’t ask him. The vacancy he’d left behind wasn’t only Aesylt’s to bear.

Aesylt seemed to listen, whether Imryll was reading or rambling. Aesylt had spent the day huddled by the fire, staring intensely into the flames as though she might discern the great mysteries of the universe. Her pain was readable in the tension pinching her shoulders back, in the soft murmur she made every time she changed position, and in the rare times she actually looked at Imryll and all she’d lost pooled in the depths of her glossy eyes.

The hopelessness Imryll had felt when Drazhan had been exiled from Duncarrow was fresh again, sitting in the flicker of Aesylt’s subdued grief. Her sister-in-law was strong. She’d pull through and be stronger yet. But there was a certain tragedy to collecting strength through despair that chipped away at the light, and Imryll was filled with a terrible sadness as she envisioned Aesylt growing dimmer with each passing year.

“Tasmin has sent word, Aes. She’ll be home by springtide,” Imryll ventured aloud.

“Ah.”

“Niklaus is taking his trials soon to become a formal member of the kyschun. Did he tell you? Drazhan said we would throw him a fete before he goes under the mountain, but he was hoping to consult with you on some ideas.”

“Mm.”

“Did I tell you the vedhma’s have conferred and believe my second child will be another boy? He’ll be here just in time for Tas’s return.”

Aesylt drew her knees tighter against her chest. “I know what you’re doing, Imryll. I appreciate it. But why not say what you really mean?”

Imryll sank into the chair across from Aesylt. “What do I really mean?”

“That I should be ashamed for what I did... how I feel. My inability to just... move on.”

“Aesylt, I am thelastperson who would ever...” Imryll laughed. “I married the man who trained for ten years to, among other things, destroy me. And if you mean the age difference, well, your brother and I have nearly the same amount between us as you and Rahn. There are young women all over this kingdom promised to men twice, three times their age. Age was never the barrier between you two.”

“His position of authority then.”

“What authority could anyone ever have over Aesylt Wynter?”

Aesylt’s mouth twitched. “He wrote me a letter. You’re right that it wasn’t age or authority. He’s a broken man who has no desire to be reassembled, and I need... Ideservesomeone who loves themselves enough to confront their demons and conquer them.”

Imryll leaned in and squeezed Aesylt’s foot. “You said it perfectly, my love. You deserve that and more. Rahn is one of my dearest friends, and it brings me great sadness to see him deny himself a chance at happiness. But we are not put on this realm to fix others, Aesylt. Everyone can only be responsible for their own completeness. If we’re lucky, we find the person who is uniquely able to take the journey with us. But unfortunately we often meet the right person at the wrong time.”

Aesylt smashed her lips together and turned her teary eyes upward. “What painfully perfect wisdom. In another life, another time...”

“I know.” Imryll sighed and released her. “Andnoneof that is your fault. But in your short life, you have been loved by two great men. Imagine what the rest of your years hold.”

“I just don’t understand some of it, Imryll. Why did he kill Marek? Why ride with me in the wagon? Why... Why any of it? I can’t make sense of his behavior, and I feel like I’m goingmadtrying.” Aesylt wiped her eyes with aggravated swats. “Andmadwith all the cursed fucking tears. I suppose my body is playing catch-up from all the dry years.”

Because he’s a great fool who loves you but cannot say the same for himself.“I haven’t been able to find the right words to say this to you, so forgive me if they come out wrong.” Imryll folded her hands, praying what she said wouldn’t push Aesylt further into her self-torment. “If you two had come to me with your plan for the curricula, you would have received a predictable answer. I knew from the moment the Reliquary intervened in our project that it would one day be torn from our hands, and every day it wasn’t was a day stolen. I might have told you exactly that, had you come to me. Saved you a world of heartache.”

Aesylt looked up, her expression darkening.

“But damn if I don’t respect you for doing it anyway. For storming ahead fearlessly. For convincing the most unflappable man I know, save your brother, to put the science ahead of feelings he most certainly had long before the two of you were ever intimate.” Imryll’s heart swelled for the girl who had become dearer to her than any sister she might have had. “You are the most incredible woman I’ve ever known, Aesylt, and I need you to know that you didn’t kill our project. You gave it life for a little longer, and you proved to those craven men in their freshly built towers that there’snothingwe wouldn’t do for our passions.”

Aesylt traced her hand down her throat. “Thank you, Imryll.”

“And I wouldn’t blame you nor think less of you if that passion took you to Riverchapel, to the Reliquary.”

Aesylt burst into laughter. “After what they did to us? After what Pieter?—”

“If I remove my emotion from it, Pieter wasn’t the problem. Nor was he wrong to offer you and Rahn a position there. You both belong in that world, if you still want it.”

“You think it’s where Rahn went?”

Imryll shook her head.

“Why not?”

“For the same reason you’ll never go. It would remind him too much of what he lost.”

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