Page 151 of The Duke and the Disciple

When they were together, he’d known fearlessness. He’d known what it meant to be alive. There was pain too, in the inevitable end of all things, but anything beautiful enough to mourn was worth whatever agony followed.

Rahn reached to scratch his temple and realized he was crying.

You cannot possibly want to see me with another man.

Well, I’ve already done that, haven’t I?

The first inch of the blade pierced his flesh.

That was cruel. And unfair.

Life is cruel and unfair, Aesylt. You know it better than most.

You’retryingto wound me, so it will be easier to walk away?—

Stop. This is pointless.

Another inch.

If you’re going to lie to me, then look at me when you do it. Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me.

You’re the one forcing my hand here?—

Look at me, Adrahn, and tell me you feel nothing for me!

I do love you, Aesylt, but not like that. I’m deeply sorry if I inadvertently contributed to your belief otherwise.

Kill shot.

If you love her, Adrahn, then love her. Perhaps learn to love yourself in the doing.

“I left herbecauseI love her,” he thundered, shooting to his feet. The chair slammed to the floor. “Do you not understand? Do you not see? A selfish man would stay and ruin her. I cannot fathom a love deeper than the one that gave me the courage to leave so she can live.”

You know what’s even more courageous, my sweet boy? Staying. Fighting for what you want. Letting go.

Rahn screamed into the crook of his elbow.

He was losing it.

Talking to himself.

Answeringhimself.

Whatever last vestige of control he’d left Witchwood Cross with had disintegrated, and there was nothing left except to surrender to the dark call of insanity that had always been within earshot.

He plopped onto the bed, only to pop back up when something dug into his hip. He reached into his pocket and withdrew the squirrel.Squish.

With a shaky breath, Rahn set it on the bedside table.

He should throw it in the bin. It was a token of what was, not what should be.

A twisted symbol of the happiest time in his entire life.

Rahn lay his head on the pillow, his eyes fixed on the statue. It was then he realized he was still holding Aesylt’s nightgown.

He rolled it under his chin. His eyes glazed, from tears... from the loss of focus, but instead of counting to clear the pain, he let it wash over him like an icy wave on a stormy night, and the thoughts he’d spent a lifetime damming flooded in.

Imryll hadn’t felt sohelpless since her days in Duncarrow.

---