Page 114 of The Duke and the Disciple

He’d opened a box without realizing Aesylt was the only one who could close it.

Rahn had no idea how he was going to protect someone who had no interest in being saved, but he had to try.

He muttered a thank-you to Proctor and followed the men into the changing area.

Aesylt clutchedthe pink robe at her chest and waist as she moved down the long aisle of what had once been a place of worship. The benches had been removed, and there were tables there instead, filled with people laughing and drinking and eating. Although most were in robes with their wrists covered, she spotted strings of mostly green, a few yellows.The reds must go straight to the good stuff.

The thought sent a chill tearing through her. She’d made her choice with a clear mind, and as much as she wanted to share the experience with Rahn, she was frustrated with the way he’d been acting, like she needed strict supervision. She was weary of his push and pull of being her superior, her lover, and her friend, but never at the same time, a role dictated entirely by his own whims and moods. It would have been better if he hadn’t come at all.

In fact, she wished she’d not told him.

It’s not only for the science, what I intend to take part in tonight,she’d written in her notes, with full plans of scribbling the words out later, or even burning them.It’s so I can replace these experiences for his and mine, and my heart can move on. The more men I’ve known, the less potent he becomes, until this is all just a distant memory of two scholars working on an assignment together.

Their lovemaking two nights ago—she could think of it as nothing else, for what else explained his gentle kisses, his complete abandonment of the most sacred rule of all?—had been the final fall of the hammer for her. She had overcome her own denial about the potent feelings between them, but he never would. Rahn would never open up, never meet her where she deserved. Of all the gifts he’d given her, it by far the most bittersweet, but also the most important.

I wish you could see yourself as I do.

Aesylt had plenty of desires, and she understood them better because of him. She wasn’t afraid of them or what they said about her. Her only real fear was being forced to deny herself.

Revelry was made for someone like her, and if Rahn Tindahl couldn’t see that, couldn’t respect that, then it was his burden to carry.

She sensed she was being watched and glanced to the left corner of the room, where two attractive men were looking her way. One wore a robe, the other had his draped over an arm. Both were displaying their red strings openly.

With a shaky breath, she nodded and lifted her wrist, unsure if it was the right way to send the message—wondering if she was a fool for sending one at all. The heavy, pitched song from the string musicians drove her nerves to a higher ledge as she awaited their reaction.

They exchanged looks, grinning, and nodded back.

It was on.

Whatever that meant.

“I’ll fetch us drinks,” Pieter said and disappeared into the crowd.

“Ae—Ella,”Rahn said the moment Pieter was gone. He reached for her shoulders, but she ripped away with an affronted scowl.

“Let us get one thing quite clear... Gerald.” She took a step back. The ferocity in her eyes was startling. “I came here for the full experience. I was not coerced. I have nothing to prove. This will of course benefit our research immensely, but the truth is...” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “Rahn,Iwantthis. I want to taste the world of the forbidden, as freely as men do and without shame. If that bothers you, then you can leave. Youshouldleave. Because I do not need you nor want you to intervene on my behalf. I don’t even...” Aesylt’s expression softened into distress. “I wish you hadn’t come.”

Her confession left him reeling. She’d saidnoneof that when she’d told him about Pieter’s proposal, so either she’d lied about her intention then or she was lying tonight. Once more, he faced the cost of all he’d allowed to happen. All he’d enthusiastically participated in with her. Everything had spun from his control so fast, he didn’t know how to bring it all back together.

“Left you speechless again, did I?” Aesylt’s eyes glossed, her lip turning up at the corner. She seemed equally on the verge of bursting into tears as flying into a rage.

“I would never want you to feel shame for who you are or what you want,” Rahn said, painfully mindful he was losing her, word by word, and whatever he said next would either solidify that or buy him a little more time. “I worry only for your safety.”

“Is that all you worry for? My safety?” She blinked slowly. “Hvala, Ota.”

“We don’tknowany of these men, Ae–Ella!”

Her mouth turned in a cheeky grin. “That’s the whole appeal, isn’t it? I never have to see any of them again.”

Rahn tugged one hand down his face and squeezed his chin. “I feel as though I’ve missed something critical in our interactions that would explain your behavior.” He pulled his face into a tight wince. The moment his admission was out, he knew it had been the wrong one.

“My...” Aesylt laughed, her mouth wide in astonishment. “And there it is, aye? I’m still just a disciple to you, fresh-faced about the world, despairing of a knight to protect me from all things dark and dangerous. Even the other night was nothing more than—” All humor in her expression dissolved. “You don’t know me at all, and I see now... You never wanted to, did you? Not if it meant seeing me for who I really am.”

She loosed the robe from her hands. It opened, revealing the inner arcs of her breasts, her pubic mound. One sleeve, she pushed up, then the other. She lifted her red-stringed wrist with a bold, challenging look.

Mine.The thought came on so fast, so sudden, it was dizzying.

“You don’t have to do this,” he pleaded weakly, aware the moment was already lost, that she was already lost, to him. Everything he said was only making it worse, but he couldn’t stop. “You have nothing to prove to anyone.”

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