Page 15 of First Christmas

“How’s the surprise?” she asked, eyes twinkling.

“Mom is going to flip out!” Nat shrieked, “Everything looks amazing. It’s almost done and she doesn’t have any idea.”

Nan caught my eye and raised a single eyebrow with a knowing grin.

“That sounds amazing, sweetheart. You’re a wonderful daughter. Honey, why don’t you run to the kitchen and get some of the cookies I just made for you?”

“YES!” she exclaimed, sprinting from the room.

“How is everything really?”

I sighed, sitting on the couch, and stared at my Nan, the woman who’d raised me and loved me. She was more of a mother to me than anything.

“Becks thinks I’m cheating on her or something.” I blurted out, throwing my hands up into the air.

“What?” she stuttered, gaping at me.

“Ugh. Maybe not that extreme anymore. She had a moment of doubt. She’s been dealing with extra stress, just learning to live with another person and be in a normal, functioningrelationship. Her anxiety is at an all time high and with me telling her I’m working extra shifts at night, she’s convinced herself I’ve decided she’s not worth it.”

“Oh, my poor girl,” Nan shook her head, her hand covering her mouth. “Is she still seeing that nice therapist?”

“Yes.” I nodded, running a hand over my trimmed beard. “Becks and I had a good talk yesterday actually. She even admitted she knows I’d never do that. It's just everything messing with her. It's all an adjustment. She hasn’t had anything good in so long. I’m considering showing her the gift on Christmas Eve, instead of waiting. Nan, I worry I’m fucking everything up,” I sighed.

“Showing her the gift early may be best. The poor dear. I cannot imagine everything flying through her head. Living with that kind of stress for so long and then having to teach yourself to be calm. There’s nowhere for all that adrenaline to go anymore. You’re not fucking anything up, young man.”

I gaped at my Nan’s language.

“What? You can say it and I can’t?” she cackled.

“Jesus,” I muttered.

Then something she’d said came to me. Somewhere for adrenaline to go.

“Uh-oh. You’ve got that look in your eye,” chuckled Nan.

“Maybe she needs to take a class,” I questioned out loud, “Self-defense, gun safety, kick-boxing or something. Everytime she hears something that sounds like a gun going off she’s a nervous wreck.”

“Or maybe she needs her man to teach her gun safety,” said Nan softly, looking at me. “Having never fired one before and then having to do so twice? She took a life both times too-” hervoice trailed off, “That’s quite a lot, Lucas. Just give her time. You two will work things out.”

“I know. It's just frustrating that I can’t take it all away.” I ran my fingers through my hair, letting my head fall onto the back of the couch.

“Patience. You’re a good man. I know, I raised you.” she proclaimed, winking and rising slowly. “I’m going to make sure Nat isn’t eating the entire batch of cookies.”

I nodded, glancing over to watch her shuffle out of the room. Taking a deep breath I just let myself rest within the moment. Hearing my Nan’s familiar voice mixing with Nat’s cheerful one. Being around all of my Nan’s things and even the smell that was just her. It was home and comforting. She was the mother figure in my life. Everything was going to be okay. I knew that. I think Becks was realizing that. We had such a support system we couldn’t help but make it.

Nat came back into the room holding a plate of cookies while Nan followed with some cold sodas and a deck of cards.

“Nan Vi said we could play rummy again!” Nat announced with excitement, plopping down beside me. “She beat you good last time, Dad.”

I grinned and glanced over at my Nan, seeing her eyes water at what Nat had called me. She smiled at me warmly and shuffled the cards.

“Well I’ll just have to kick both your butts this time, won’t I, Peanut?” I challenged.

“We’ll see about that,” sniffed my grandmother.

“Can we get this one too?” Nat handed me another book. I glanced at the stack in the shopping cart and back at her expectant face. We already had boxes of books hidden at the house too.

“Fine,” I conceded. I was too much of a push-over when it came to her. Becks was telling me so, regularly, but even I was starting to see it. “Three more and that’s it though. I mean it this time.”

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