Page 28 of Going Down

I get anxious that my emotional nosedive since seeing Dash with Capote has him stuck in a bad place as well and this reminiscing will drag him down further.

My dad smiles at me like I hung the moon. “It was her sense of adventure that attracted me to her, Kat. Your mom was up for anything. She had an exuberance about her. I’d thought the light within would never falter. But caring for her patients took a lot out of her and what was left I stole. When you were born, she offered to keep everything under control. After a while, I relied on it too heavily. I needed her to be the one to tell me what to do and where to be. The beacon had to shine and guide me. So much so that I stopped seeing her for the person I fell in love with. I never gave her time to refill from that well of life. As she grew resentful, my dependency on her became a prison.

“I saw her as the answer to all of my problems. Even the trivial ones, like where the peanut butter was kept—for reference, it was generally that I hadn’t looked hard enough to find it, the same way I stopped seeing the person your mother was until she’d changed into someone I didn’t recognize anymore.”

“It’s not your fault that mom had an affair.”

“She’d tried to explain to me how unhappy she was, Kat. But I had everything I needed and didn’t understand her side of the story.”

“That doesn’t absolve her.”

“No. It doesn’t and my failings a husband and hers as a wife are peripheral to what I’m trying to explain to you. You’re still young, Kat. Don’t get tied down by me before you’ve had the chance to live your life. Don’t settle because the next adventure might not come your way.”

Dad leans back in his chair.

“Are you okay with this, Dad? Chip’s still got my job wait—”

“I wouldn’t be here if I weren’t, Katadhin. I won’t abandon you. Stop worrying that you’re cutting me out. We’ve relied on one another to get through a tough transition. This might be the next change both of us need. Just like Dash does with his family, you can always come back. But you have to leave first in order to be able to do that.”

I break down because I know he’s right. Change is scary. Nothing stays perfect forever. True love isn’t guaranteed.

Yet there’s always someone waiting in the wings to love you.

After my dad leaves, I compose myself and head back to the new little mountain to pickup my badge and parking pass. My boss hands me the keys to my new domain, making everything official.

We’re a long way off from snow-blowing and the season opener, but my first official day starts bright and early tomorrow. There are applications coming in from EMTs and cabinets to fill with bandages. I want to order fortune cookies too. It’ll be my own quirk: I want our tiny station’s patients to have reasons to look up.

There’s a lot to keep me busy. The small sense of adventure returns. I grasp the excitement, hoping it builds instead of getting swallowed up by my fears.

I need a plan. Dash may be a drifter, but he always knows where he’s going next. On the way to my Jeep, I set my mind to finding a place to live because I am fortunate that I get the first choice of rentals. The next time I talk to Dash I want to exude positivity.

Rounding the building, I come to a screeching halt. A massive blue truck with an insane tiny house hitched to the back is parked at the curb. Dash rests against the clapboard, writing on something he has in his hands with a black marker. His brow and one matching corner of his lip are raised.

He looks up at me and I’m blown away seeing his full-on grin in-person for the first time in months. He glances at what he wrote and shows the whiteboard to me.

“Marry me.” He mouths pointing to the words on it.

My jaw drops and I try to stop my knees from giving out and stumbling backward.

Dash winks and flips the board over. “Someday” it reads.

I laugh and cover my face, embarrassed and flattered, and so in love with this man. On my tip-toes, I run over to Dash. He wraps his arms around my middle, drawing us closer.

“I can’t believe you’re here. You’re supposed to be on your way to Colorado. And Capote…The picture Cadence sent?”

“Cadence took it before we left. Capote is in the truck. She can’t wait to see you. I even bought her a special traveling outfit for the occasion.”

I giggle, pulling away so that I can take the sight of him in. All of the apprehension I have exploring a new place has disappeared.

Dash plays with the ends of my bleached dreads, bending to place his lips on my forehead. “I missed how soft these were. How great they smell. Hell, I missed everything about you, Kat, before I even left.” He lets the lock go to run a finger up my arm.

I hold up my hand and, seeing fresh ink, Dash pushes up my sleeve. There’s vibrant color all the way from my shoulder to my wrist. The back of my palm is decorated with a ring. Elegant chains connect lacy paisleys to a lotus flower.

“This is even more beautiful. I’m not sure where to start.” He traces a finger over the new patterns.

“You could start with why you’re in Vermont.” I gush, his touch tickling my senses.

“I go where the wind blows me and it blew me here. I heard a rumor the new Ski Patrol manager might be hiring soon.”

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