Page 41 of Jagged Edges

After packing my things from the closet, there was still so much room left. I used it to remove any traces of me from the loft. Once everything was in place, it reminded me of when I walked in for the first time.

Bello,

Taking some time to think. I won’t be long, but don’t wait up for me tonight.

Brisk.

The note that I left on the fridge read. The last thing I wanted was Bello to worry. I wanted nothing more than to free my thoughts and it simply wasn’t going to happen in the confinement of his home.

With the heaviest of hearts, I secured the loft and shut the door behind me. I didn’t need forever, but I certainly needed some time to sort through my thoughts and the foreign feeling I was suffering from at the moment. And, being in the loft with Bello painting my insides every night, loving on me crazily, and being everything that I could’ve dreamed of in a man, that wouldn’t happen for me.

When I opened my eyes,darkness still surrounded me. I cleared the sleep from them by wiping them with a balled fist and a bit of pressure. The bed I’d missed so much had welcomed me without regret. I slept like a baby in my safety net.

Bzzzzz.

Bzzzzz.

Bzzzzz.

Bzzzzz.

My cell buzzed, reminding me of how I’d been awakened in the first place. That buzzing was haunting me in my sleep. I would bet my bottom dollar that it hadn’t stopped since I closed my eyes hours ago.

The buzzing subsided just as I grabbed it from the countertop across from my bed. The slew of notifications would’ve been surprising a few weeks ago, but not now. The heart emoji that I’d used to save Bello’s number lit my screen up. From missed calls to facetime calls and text messages. There were too manynotifications to count and just when I started to try, another text came in.

Bello:

Babe, where the fuck you at? It’s dark out.

Come home.

I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight.

Love, I’m missing you. Where you at?

The gray bubbles were consistent, every thirty to forty-five minutes, Bello had sent another one. My heart danced in my chest as I read the messages that had come in as I slept. It was obvious that Bello was feeling a way about my absence, but I felt that we could both use the space.

Just as I started to respond to his last message, another call came through. With my read receipts on, he knew exactly when I opened them. Instead of ignoring him this time, I opened the back of my camper and stepped out. I parked my rear on the edge of the bumper and made myself comfortable for the uncomfortable conversation that was sure to happen.

Peering out into the hills, I answered. “Hello.”

“You sound too far away. Where are you? I’m coming to get you.”

“Bello,” I tried.

“Where are you, Brisk?”

“Bello, I’m fine. I just needed some time to clear my thoughts.”

“You had to take all of your shit to do that?” He huffed on the other end, obviously pacing his loft.

“No, but I did. I don’t know why, either, so please don’t ask.”

“Is it because I yelled at you?” Pity was in his tenor.

“No.”

“Because we fought a little?” He was desperate, needing someone besides me to blame for leaving but it was no one’s fault other than mine.

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