Page 30 of Jagged Edges

It all made sense, now. The droves of people, loud music, strippers, and constant interactions made it impossible to ignore any form of social anxiety within these walls. That piece of information was saved in my mental rolodex as I took Brisk by the hand and led her in the opposite direction.

“You don’t have to explain, love. I figured we’d be leaving the minute we walked through the door,” I yelled over the music, “Is there any other place you’d like to go?”

“Home,” she stated matter of factly, “Well, to your house. To maybe watch a movie and order in?”

“Home it is,” I reiterated, letting her know that there was no fault in the statement she’d just made.

By the hand, I guided her through the private suite, down the stairs, and toward the exit. Once we were on level ground, we traded positions. From behind Brisk, with my hands at her waist, I maneuvered us through the crevices of the crowd that were made as we approached.

A slight tug at the back of my jeans caused the hairs on my arm to stand. Instinctively, my hand found my waist and rested on the butt of my gun before my fingers curled around the handle. Trigger finger on the small half loop, my stride washalted as I turned around to confront the violator. Brisk felt my attention and body slip from her grasp, causing her to turn, too.

“Going somewhere so soon? The party jus…,” Cash’s statement slowly faded as she noticed I wasn’t alone.

“Yeah. I’m going home,” I nodded.

“Oh, well, aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend or does she talk? Maybe she can introduce herself?” She shaded, causing me to step a little closer when I responded to her pettiness.

“This is a game you won’t win, Cash, so it’s best you didn’t try playing it. Not with me, anyway, and not about her.”

As I stepped back, I brushed Brisk’s soft skin. She, too, had closed the distance between her and Cash, piquing my interest as I watched her. With a sly smile, she extended an arm in Cash’s direction.

“I’m Brisk, and you are?”

A quick glance at Brisk’s hand and then back up her body, Cash sniggered and returned, “Ask Bello about me.”

She attempted to walk off, feeling victorious, but her inflated ego was quickly flattened, when I informed Brisk, “She’s not worth your time nor worth discussing, love.”

Shrugging, I placed my hands at Brisk’s waist again, not giving Cash the satisfaction of my eyes as I nudged Brisk in the opposite direction. I could feel the heat radiating from her bright, yellow skin as I headed for the door. The daggers she stared into my back felt like tiny thorns as I settled into the car minutes later beside a silent date.

As the engine purred on our way out of the parking lot, Brisk hiked the sound up on the stereo. Without saying a word, I was aware that she was requesting my silence. For now, I’d offer it, but I damn sure didn’t want to.

The city lights caused the glaring of my windshield every few seconds. With each light came a new thought that was quicklyreplaced by another. The silence being much too loud, I began gnawing at the right, lower flesh of my jaw.

Every other second, my eyes found the side of her face. Beautiful, yet tense, it was. Frustration budded in my brain, overwhelming me with an emotion that I wasn’t quite familiar with. Sympathy. At a moment’s notice, my hand was lowering the volume of the stereo while my tires screeched from the rapid decision to pull over to the side of the road.

Though we were less than three minutes from my place, it felt like an eternity. I just couldn’t wait that long to hear her voice again, or know what was going on in that big head of hers. I wouldn’t survive.

“Say something, love,” I started, turning my entire body to meet her clenched jaw and wandering eyes.

“I don’t have anything to say, Bello,” she sighed with a long, exaggerated breath.

“Well, start with what’s on your mind.”

Her bated breaths combined with the lack of eye contact was driving me to the brink of insanity. The sadness in her voice was only the tip of the iceberg. But, as much as I hated to admit it, she was so fucking pretty with the pout.

She’s making this shit too easy.

Too fucking easy to get caught up in her rapture. Too fucking easy to share space with her. Too fucking east to get lost in her existence. Too fucking easy to appreciate her presence. Too fucking easy to give whatever was needed of me. I could feel it in my chest, what was happening to me. But, I wasn’t ready to fall. Not unless she fell with me.

“It’s only you and if I have it my way, it’ll only ever be you. Forever. Maybe it’s too soon to feel this way, but tell that to my heart because it’s the one that isn’t listening to anything I say. While you’ll never have to worry about running to a guy that I’ve ever dated or given myself to, I don’t get the same pleasure.Quite honestly, that makes me sad, because you should’ve waited on me. No matter how long I took.”

While it wasn’t Cash that she was worried about, from the sound of things, her honesty was settling. She was right. I’d have the pleasure of walking God’s green earth knowing there wasn’t a man alive who had what’s mine, yet she didn’t get the same leniency. It wasn’t fair, but it was life.

“I’m sorry. Sorry, I didn’t wait, but I never imagined anyone of your caliber existed that didn’t already have a ring or making plans to get one with the man she loved. But, the beauty in my past is that it has gotten me here. Right where we are.”

“It just sucks. Knowing you’ve given any part of you to someone that isn’t me. It might sound silly, but it’s just how I’m feeling.”

“It doesn’t. It doesn’t sound silly, love. It sounds honest and I appreciate it. But, what if I told you that I’ll never give myself to anyone else as long as we’re here on this earth? Is that enough? Because I can’t do anything to change the past.” Remorseful, I tried compromising.

---