Page 15 of Jagged Edges

The achiness returned, slowing and then speeding my heart at an unpredictable pace. Refusing to reveal my uneasiness so willingly, I continued to crouch over and into the side of myvan in hopes that this moment would pass me by. I dug into my laundry bag, though it only held my comforter and sheets as if I was searching for something. And, maybe I was. If there was any chance that my pride and confidence would surface, I’d keep digging.

But, I couldn’t.

Not at the sound of his footsteps nearing. Not with the potency of his cologne polluting the air that I breathed. Not with… not with his closeness as he cleared his throat and acknowledged my existence.

“Let me help you with that,” he insisted, already near and too close for me to decline.Lies. Another lie, it was. I could’ve but I didn’t and neither did I truly want to.

Swiftly, I removed myself from the opening of my camper with the bag in hand and offered it to him while closing the door behind me. The softness of his hands was unexpected and so was their proximity to mine. While he seemingly thought nothing of the quick exchange, I felt everything.

Nothing moved around us and silence was the loudest thing I’d ever heard. Time, for once, was terminated and there was nothing left but air… and us. My eyes searched the darkness for his, the light within them slowly dying as he defused my attempt at locating them.Rejection. It stung like a fresh wound with coarse salt being dragged across its core.

Something had shifted. Or, maybe it was everything. Immediately, the realization that Bello helping me with my bags was simply the act of a gentleman, and nothing more slammed into my chest. The interest that he held all those nights ago no longer existed. At the moment, I was simply Melonie’s friend, whom he was assisting with a bag. Not the girl he’d found intriguing seven nights ago.

Silently accepting my loss as I’d always had, I stopped my search just as time resumed and the whistling of the swayingtrees brought me back to reality. I retracted my fingers, dropping my hand at my side and attempting to forget the magic of his touch and the perfection of his skin. One foot in front of the other, I started for the door.

Suddenly, the sheets, comforter, or wash-up meant nothing to me. All that mattered was my tattered heart that crumbled into smaller pieces with each step that I took. Before I made it to the door of the Frank’s residence, I came to a striking conclusion.I can’t. Not with the sting of rejection fresh on my heart, him under the same roof, or knowing that he was the reason that I was here in the first place though he didn’t share the same feelings as I did.

It was all too much, forcing me to turn in an instant and say, “Ouch!”

God, Brisk. Ouch hadn’t been intentional. It was simply a reflex of the impact.

For once, my clumsiness was the culprit of my anxiety. I slammed into his chest, accidentally. My entire body stiffened as I stepped back to increase the space between us. Even knowing that my interest wasn’t shared, I couldn’t stop my vagina from pulsating and oozing with pleasure at the sight of his dark skin, deep waves, and dark eyes that had finally decided to show themselves under the light.

“Sorry. Can you give that to Melonie and tell her that… that I uh. I’ll call her,” I rushed out and before he could respond, I was gone.

Down the walkway and toward the spiraling driveway that led to my safe haven. I wanted nothing more than to curl up on my bare mattress and allow sleep to overcome me. But, I knew I couldn’t and the thought of paying twelve dollars to shower at the nearest rest stop made the moment ten times worse.

Dang it!I cringed, remembering that my toiletry bag was stuffed inside of my laundry bag. It didn’t matter much, becauseI refused to go back for it. I’d embarrassed myself enough for a lifetime.

“Brisk,” the deep, agonizing voice of Bello called after me.

Against my better judgment, I turned in his direction and responded, “Yes?”

“What day is your birthday?”

He’d thrown me for a loop, remembering such a minor detail. As I had said a million times, it was just another day. There was nothing special about it and never would be. Just a reminder of my screwed reality and of the time I couldn’t get back.

“Fri,” I choked, “Friday.” My emotions had chosen a God-awful time to surface and holding them back was choking me up.

That was it.

I stood waiting for a rebuttal or gesture but received nothing. Bello turned toward the house again and disappeared through the doors shortly after. I quickly came to the realization that he was in possession of a key to the Frank’s home.

Puzzled, I finally picked up the pieces and got into my camper. The night air relieved me as I rolled down the window - one circle motion at a time. Anxiety was thick in my throat, making it harder to breathe than necessary. I gripped the steering wheel with my fingers and rested my forehead against it.

Is it possible for someone you don’t even know to break your entire heart?I wondered.Because I think it’s happening.

Eight

This disdain on her face,in conjunction with the pain in her eyes, as she faced me was still fresh in my mind.Yes?She’d asked, waiting for more than I could give her at the time. Brisk, at that moment, was obviously ready for any amount of instructions that came from my lips pertaining to the duration of her night, but I gave none. I simply asked a question that pained her to release the answer for, which left me even more fucked up than I had been since the last day that I’d seen her face.

I tossed back the third shot of Hennesey and stood to my feet. “Ahhh,” the intensity of the brown liquid caused me to grunt.

Digging into the pocket of my jeans, I removed a hundred dollar bill from the clip that held my cash in place, then slid it onthe counter underneath the glass. What had started as an alright night quickly went south after seeing Brisk. If I’d followed my first mind and gone back to the loft, I wouldn’t have been down at the hole-in-the-wall bar tossing back shots that I could’ve taken at home.

She’d led me right to her. The feeling brewing in my gut on my drive home wouldn’t let me rest and insisted that I stop by for a late-night visit at Trinity’s. I passed my exit and continued toward Edgewood, where I found her. Right in the driveway, hunched over in her groovy ass van while simultaneously making my dick stand. The minute I saw her, I knew why my instincts had led me there. It had been a hell of a week not seeing her or at least trying to get to know her. But, I had concerns and her readiness was one.

Though I was a fresh twenty-eight, birthday barely being three months prior, the difference was a source of sourness. Bitterness. Brisk wasn’t even old enough to drink. But, she possessed the power to bring my ass to my knees if that’s where she wanted me. The thoughts and feelings that she brought out of me, not even the cougars I fucked were able. To make matters worse, I’d only seen her clothed. I was dead fucking meat and if I could prolong the death of me for another few days, then I sure as hell would.

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