For a moment, she looked at my torso, and I saw her swallow hard, before sitting herself down on my t-shirt. “Very chivalrous.” She breathed in deep. “Look I know I shouldn’t be asking this, but honestly, how do you have such a good body?”
I let out a deep chuckle. “You like my body, huh?”
“Are you freaking kidding me?”
“Well, I’ve been keeping myself in shape in case the firefighter thing came through. And thank god I did, because the training is grueling.” I paused. “I guess it’s also been a way of maintaining control ever since Marie passed away.”
“Whatever you’re doing, it’s working. And you’re very much in control.”
“You know . . . you’re not in terrible shape yourself.”
A blush colored her cheeks. “Thank you.”
“I particularly like the way your legs feel when they’re wrapped around—”
“Naughty!”
“Just being honest.”
She took a bite of her burger. “So, it’s mainly my legs you like?”
I shook my head. “It’s everything. And the bits in between everything.”
“The bits in between?”
I sighed. “This is gonna sound so weird.”
“Tell me!”
“Your knees. Your hips. Your armpits. All the joining parts.”
She gave me a dirty smile. “My armpits? You little freak.”
“There’s not a single part of you that doesn’t drive me crazy, Lily.” It was my turn to take a bite. The burger was delicious. Juicy, satisfying, simple. “How’s that kimchi thing?”
“Tasty,” she said, thoughtfully, “very tasty. In a complicated sort of way. Hey, can I ask you something? It’s not a trick question. I’m just genuinely interested.”
“Sure.” My heart rate spiked.
“Why haven’t you dated again? Since Marie?”
To my shame, I gave her the same rote answer I gave anyone who asked me the question. “I don’t have the time.”
“I thought you didn’t really do lies.”
I cleared my throat. “Well. It’s part of the reason.”
“Not the main part, though.”
“It’s the same reason that I didn’t want anyone outside of the family to be Ava’s nanny.”
Lily nodded. “You don’t want people coming in and out of her life.”
“Right. After she lost her mom, I vowed to keep things as stable as possible. For both of us.” My next words came out quieter than I’d meant to. “If I cared deeply for someone again, and then I lost them . . . I don’t know if I could cope. And maybe I couldn’t be strong enough for Ava.”
“I understand. Love is risk, isn’t it?”
I smiled. “Thought you didn’t believe in love?”