Page 88 of One Touch

A few minutes later, the burn slowly subsided, and I had a fresh bowl of non-reaper-spiked chili safely in front of me.

Ida turned to me. “So, Lily, how’s the bookstore going?”

I felt a different kind of discomfort now. “Oh, you know . . . it’s going.” I tried to sound upbeat, but evenIcould hear the strain in my voice.

Ida’s brow furrowed slightly. “Is everything okay? I know balancing the store and watching Ava must be a lot.”

I looked over at Ava and gave her a smile. “No, taking care of Ava is a pleasure. We have a great time together. But I, uh, haven’t been feeling the store so much recently.”

“You’re not enjoying managing it?”

“Right. It’s just, since the wedding disaster, romance books suddenly don’t seem as appealing.”

Ida nodded. “That must be hard. Feeling like everyone’s falling in love except you.” I know that feeling. She looked down at her napkin.

“Yeah. It’s not really that so much as . . . well, it’s more that I don’t really believe in love anymore.”

Elara’s eyes widened. “You don’t?”

“I believe that there is a collection of emotions, that—when experienced together—can make you think love exists for a while. But actually, the feelings are just a mix of other things. Hope, trust . . . lust.” I did everything in my power not to look anywhere near Ethan’s direction.

“Isn’t that the same thing, then?” asked Elara, somewhat grumpily. “If you feel all those other things, then who’s to say that collectively they don’t mean love?”

I shrugged. “I just don’t buy it. I think love is just an advertising gimmick, a way to control the masses. And sell a truck ton of romance novels.”

It was only then that I noticed that everyone around the table had stopped eating. Hopefully, it was because what I was saying was incredibly insightful, so I went on.

“Love is a myth, an illusion. You keep convincing yourself you can see it, but it’s just a mirage. And you end up heartbroken every time it slips between your fingers. Better to be realistic from the start, I think. That’s what the new Lily’s doing. Acknowledging that romance is dead, so I don’t get hurt.”

Cole snorted. “You sound like Ethan.”

I couldn’t help it—I exchanged glances with Ethan. I’d hoped that he would be nodding along with me. That maybe I’d even impressed him with my little spiel. But in actual fact, he just looked sad. Really sad.

“Anyway,” I said, clearing my throat. “Maybe I just need a break from the genre for a while. You know Mary-Beth, my friend from school, who’s a literary agent, right?”

Elara narrowed her eyes at me. “Yes,” she said. “In New York.”

I swallowed. “She asked me whether I’d want to join her company as a horror agent.”

“Ooh,” said Ida. “Sounds fancy.”

Elara put down her knife and fork and folded her arms.

Ethan sipped from his glass of water.

“Of course I said no,” I continued. “Too many responsibilities here.” I looked at Ava gain, giving her another smile.

“You know I’d support your decision if you wanted to go,” Ethan said quietly.

“Support my decision?”

“Not that it’s my place,” he explained. “I just mean, I know I said I’d want you to be Ava’s nanny as long as possible, for continuity of care, but I wouldn’t want to stand in your way of . . . such an exciting opportunity.”

I swallowed. “Thank you. That’s kind. But I want to try harder at the bookstore.”

Ida nodded understandingly. “Running a small business is tough, especially when you’re being pulled in different directions.”

“Honestly, I kind of feel like I’m letting everyone down, no matter what I do.”

---