Page 73 of Broken Bonds

I smack my hands against his chest, trying to pull air into my lungs, but all I’m doing is breathing in his scent, ratcheting up my panic. My thoughts are a mess as I struggle in his hold. He flips me around, so my back is to his chest and locks his arms around my arms and middle, but not too tight, being careful of my belly. The babies kick against where his arms are banded around me, and another gasping breath escapes me.

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I should have said no. This is all my fault. Come on, Omega. Breathe!” Forde mutters, rubbing my back as I continue to fight to get out of his arms.

“Can’t. Oh, gods,” I moan, the overwhelming feeling of guilt replacing everything else I may have felt earlier.

My thoughts attack me, the guilt eating me alive.

I’ve betrayed my alphas.

They’ve only been gone a few months and already I’ve let another touch me. Taste me.

How could I?

How could I do this?!

“Ramsey, listen to me! You did nothing wrong. I’ll take the blame if I have to, if it’ll stop you from backsliding and letting the guilt from this eat you alive, but you didn’t betray them. Do you hear me?”

I can hear the fear in Forde’s voice. He’s scared.

For me?

I go limp in his hold, the fight draining out of me. My chin rests against my chest and I take my first full breath without gasping. Forde’s heart is pounding against my back, and all I want is for him to leave. I can’t look at him.

It’s not his fault. He asked me if I was sure. I could have said no, but I didn’t. I don’t even regret what we did. No, my guilt is solely because Idon’tregret letting Forde touch me. And that is so much worse.

“Please let me go,” I whisper, my throat closing.

He hesitates, but ultimately listens to my request. His arms drop and I move to the other end of the couch, refusing to look at him. I wipe my tears away and curl around myself, my arms cradling my abdomen as I stare straight ahead and see nothing.

I want to be alone now.

“Ramsey—” Forde starts, but I interrupt him.

“I need you to leave, Forde.”

My voice is void of any emotion as I shut down. I close myself off and work on building a wall to push my emotions behind while I wait, hoping he’ll leave without me having to say it again. Without saying anything else. I can feel him looking at me, but I don’t move.

Eventually he sighs, and I feel the couch move as he gets up. He stops in front of me, his legs keeping me from continuing to stare at nothing.

“I’m really sorry, Ramsey. Please don’t shut me out,” he whispers brokenly, bending down to kiss my forehead.

My eyes clench closed, and I listen as he walks away. When I hear the door open and then shut behind him, I break all over again.

ChapterTwenty-Two

RAMSEY

The next morning,the guilt is still eating me alive. It’s a gnawing presence that’s impossible to ignore, leaving me feeling nauseous and unsteady as I sit up.

Isn’t everything supposed to look better in the light of day? Or is it that everything looks worse?

A night of tears has left my eyes swollen and sore, the sunlight streaming in through the windows making me wince. The uncomfortable position I slept in has left me with a sore back, and I feel it crack when I stretch, groaning at the bit of relief it offers.

From the lack of sound coming from the kitchen or any other area in the house, I can only assume that Jillian is still at her house. All the better. I’m not sure I’m ready to tell her what I did yet.

She’ll probably give me platitudes to make me feel better. Tell me I did nothing wrong, like Forde did.

Forde.

---