Page 53 of Broken Bonds

I didn’t realize how much I craved talking to someone about my brother. I have Forde and Rion, yes, but I feel like most of what they’ve heard from me, they’ve heard before. I needed someone who was unfamiliar with me and Lake. That didn’t live with me and watch me spiral for years as I searched for him. I needed a fresh perspective.

It’s amazing what talking to a few strangers can do for you. Strangers that are feeling some level of what you’re feeling.

There are parents who’ve lost their kids. Those who’ve lost their parents. A partner. Grandparents. Even best friends.

All individuals who are fighting to understand and cope with the pain of a loss are welcome to join this group. Hell, it’s so much more than what I thought it would be. We don’t limit our conversations to just depressing topics, always open to talking about other things as well.

It’s nice when everyone goes around and just talks about happy memories with their loved ones.

Memories.

I don’t have many of those, but the ones I do have are precious.

We stop at the double doors that are propped open. It’s not a particularly full night tonight. That’s good. If there are fewer people present, Ramsey may find the meeting more manageable.

She trembles beneath my palm, and her face is a mask of terror as she stares into the room like it’s full of monsters. She looks ready to bolt, so I quickly step behind her and softly clutch her shoulders. With my heart pounding, I feel a lump in my throat as I take in her nearness. Her scent, although it carries a hint of sadness, still speaks to me and beckons me to her, no matter how hard I struggle to fight against it.

It’s both Heaven and Hell.

“Hey, everything is okay, Sunshine. Every single person in that room has experienced the grief of having someone that they love taken away from them, and they are all trying to process their way through it, just like you. You don’t have to speak. Just listen. One session, and if you tell me this isn’t for you after, then I’ll never force you back in here if I see you standing outside again,” I tell her with an easy grin, and nearly stop breathing altogether when I realize she’s looking directly at me for once.

One of her hands comes up, a finger tracing my brow, down my cheek to my chin while her eyes flit across my features. A pained look crosses her face, and I watch as she swallows.

“It really is insane just how much you look like him. There are subtle differences though, things I think only I really notice because of how close we were, I guess,” she says with a breathy laugh and a shake of her head.

Her hand drops back down to her side, and she looks down at her feet, momentarily lost in her thoughts. I stay at her side, a steady presence as she grounds herself. After a minute or two, she looks back up, a determined look on her face, and her shoulders pull back, her spine straightening.

“Will you sit with me?” she asks, clearing her throat and going back to refusing to look at me.

“You got it, Sunshine,” I tell her tenderly, my palm coming to rest in the middle of her back again.

I choose to ignore the blush that tints her cheeks as we enter the room and find places to sit.

* * *

Shelby is working on getting everyone in their seats so we can start the meeting. She’s an alpha who lost her omega several years ago. When they first met, they had no pack, and it was only a few years later that her omega’s health began to deteriorate quickly. Unfortunately, she didn’t make it. Shelby almost didn’t either.

When a family member insisted Shelby go to a group meeting, it was there that she found a new purpose in life. Much like the rest of the people present, she wasn’t too enthusiastic about being here in the beginning. Now, she practically runs every session and offers every person here her number upon meeting them if they need someone to talk to.

My arms are crossed against my chest in an attempt to keep myself from reaching over and holding Ramsey’s hand because of the distress pouring out of her. She can’t seem to stop herself from picking and biting her nails and is constantly moving around in her seat. After cycling through the same routine a few times, I eventually can’t take it anymore, so I reach over and grip her hand firmly in place without looking her in the eyes. I can sense her gaze intensely boring into the side of my head, but I can’t bring myself to make eye contact with her.

“Okay, is everyone ready to get started? I see some fresh faces in here tonight, how about we go around and introduce ourselves like we do every time we have a newcomer? I’ll start,” Shelby says with a gentle smile, still standing as everyone else takes a seat.

“I’m Shelby and I’ve been coming to these meetings for quite a while now. I took the reins when Alice moved. Let’s see, something about me before the heavy? Hmm… I’m running out of new things to throw out there, guys,” she snorts, shaking her head. “Ah, got it. Don’t laugh, but I like to crochet. It’s been a great way to unwind since I lost my omega.” She pauses, a sad smile crossing her lips like anytime she mentions her omega. “Salice got sick and passed away four years ago. Unfortunately, by the time we both realized it was much more serious than a simple cold or the flu, she’d declined too much and her body couldn’t handle the strain anymore. It was really hard in the beginning without her, especially since we hadn’t built our pack yet, and there were a few times I almost followed her to the other side. Luckily, I knew it would be something she’d likely have kicked my ass for when I got over there, so that was enough of a deterrent,” she chuckles, and in turn everyone else in the room does as well.

“I found my way here a few months after her funeral, much like many of you. Alice was the first to get through to me, and it was a relief to talk about my feelings with others that were in the same situation. Not all of you will talk, at least not at first, and that’s okay. Maybe hearing our experiences will make you want to open up. Maybe it won’t. Either way, we are all here for each other. I won’t force you to talk. That’s not my job. I’m here to be your safe space, sounding board, whatever you need me to be within reason. On the nights we’re here for group, we’ll talk, maybe try some new things, probably cry a good bit. But hey, that’s cathartic. It’s toxic to hold all that anger, grief, and pain inside with no outlet.”

Ramsey relaxed bit by bit as Shelby talked, so I remove my hand from hers finally and get back to listening to Shelby ramble. Whenever she has to make introductions to new people, it’s something she does without fail. She finally gets herself to stop word vomiting and lets someone else stand up to introduce themselves. Everyone else is much quicker with their introductions as we make our way around the circle, and when we reach a new person, we give them the option to introduce themselves, even if it’s only their name. All have stood and given their names so far, but now it’s Ramsey’s turn, so I’m curious whether she’ll stand.

She eventually clears her throat and stands shakily. Her hands are clenched tightly together, and I watch as she takes a deep breath before looking at everyone.

“Hi, I’m Ramsey. Soon to be mother of triplets and I enjoy gardening. I’m here because—” She cuts off to clear her throat again when her voice trembles. Another deep breath. “I’m here because I lost all four of my alphas recently,” she says, much quieter.

There are several gasps that ring out, and honestly it’s not surprising. A pregnant omega losing all her alphas? Yeah, it’s a bit of a shock because she’s still standing here. A little worse for wear, but prepared to fight, to live. It’s awe-inspiring and I respect the hell out of her for it.

“Welcome Ramsey,” everyone says at once, but it’s said so softly from them all that it’s not loud and overpowering.

Ramsey sits backs down, diligently listening as the rest of the people here finish introducing themselves. After that, Shelby opens the floor for anyone that would like to get anything off their chests.

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