Page 50 of Broken Bonds

“Why did you leave? I was always on your side. I never cared that you loved Van and wanted to be together. We would have made it work because no omega would have been worth it if she couldn’t accept my other half and the person he loved.” I pause, swallowing thickly.

“We were supposed to build a pack together. That was the plan. Or maybe it was always just mine. Did you even want to share a pack with me? Or did you want to go off and find your own? Because that’s what you did. It might not have been intentional in the beginning, but you found the people that were meant for you. An omega that loved you exactly for who you were. You built a family. But now you’re all gone, and she’s here. You left your omega here, and she’s suffering because of your absence.”

I sit on the damp soil and rest my back against the cool granite. As I bow my head, I bring my knees up and rest my arms on them. I can feel the words that I’ve been holding in for so long now bubbling out of me, like a volcano. I can feel them as they make their way up my throat as I finally let them out. As I sit there, I allow myself to be vulnerable for the first time in... well, I don’t know how long. .

Nobody is here to hear it, but it feels good regardless. A weight slowly lifts from my chest, and the more I say, the more I feel like I can breathe.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here. I tried. I looked for you for a decade. To find out you were so close for so long… Well, it makes me feel like a fucking failure of epic proportions. Maybe if I’d just tried harder…” I say, trailing off as I look up at the sky, noticing that the sun is slowly sinking.

I realize the air has grown much colder, the wind carrying a chill with it I can feel nipping at my ears and cheeks, so cold my body instinctively hunches my shoulders to protect me from the cold.

I stand up, dusting the dirt off my ass. The snap of a twig pulls my attention towards the direction I heard it, but there’s nothing there when I look. I scan the trees, gazing at one spot for a little longer than necessary because I could have sworn I saw someone standing behind one. After a few seconds, I just blink and turn my attention back to Lake’s headstone.

Probably just a trick of the light or something. Or an animal.

“There’s so much more I want to say to you, but I’ve been out here for hours now, and my ass is numb,” I chuckle wryly before sighing.

“I miss you, brother. More so now that I know I’ll never see you again.” I swallow. “Look out for us down here, yeah? I’ll be back to visit soon.”

I gently rap my knuckles against the smooth surface of the headstone then put my hands back in my pockets before I make my way slowly down the hill to where I parked my car.

Forde was right, I realize as I get in and crank the heat. I feel a little more at peace now that I’ve had the chance to vocalize some of the things that I’ve had bottled up for so long.

ChapterThirteen

RAMSEY

I feelmy breath catch in my throat as Link slowly scans the area, his eyes squinting in my direction. Despite the chill of the air, a bead of sweat rolls down my spine, causing me to shudder and pray he doesn’t find me. I don’t want to be caught spying on his moment.

I mean, it wasn’t intentional. When I heard Link’s deep timbre and then the words that he spoke, it was a surprise as I hadn’t anticipated anyone else being here. I didn’t want to interrupt the heart-to-heart he was clearly having with Lake, so my solution was to hide. I’m filled with uncertainty about whether I’m ready for another face-to-face moment with him just yet.

Hiding in the trees close to my alpha’s plots hadn’t been my original intention, but when I’d accidentally stepped on a stick as I tried to make a hasty and silent escape and his eyes swung towards where I was, I’d ducked down behind a nearby headstone as a reflex. Which then led to me army crawling, as best as I could anyway, into the tree line to hide among the foliage because, for some insane reason, that’s just what my grief-stricken brain decided we needed to do. Now there’s no turning back. I just have to hope he’ll leave soon because it’s slowly getting darker out and I’d rather not still be in these trees when night falls.

A breath of relief rushes out of me when he finally stops looking around and puts his focus back on Lake’s headstone.

“There’s so much more I want to say to you, but I’ve been out here for hours now, and my ass is numb.”

Even from my current vantage point, I can clearly make out the glassy look in Link’s eyes, as well as the way his hands tensely grip the fabric inside his pockets while he stares sadly at Lake’s headstone. My heart aches as he talks to it like Lake is right in front of him. Just like I do.

“I miss you, brother. More so now that I know I’ll never see you again.” He pauses, his throat bobbing as he swallows. “Look out for us down here, yeah? I’ll be back to visit soon.”

With a deep breath, he takes his knuckles and taps them lightly against the top of the headstone before stuffing his hands back in his pockets and making his way back down the hill. I watch him all the way to his car from where I’m hiding, staring long after he’s driven away.. When I’m absolutely sure he won’t turn around and come back, I emerge from my concealed hiding spot and make my way over to the bench I had put in diagonally across from the graves of my alphas, sitting under the giant oak tree that looks ancient.

“Well, boys. Let me just tell you all about my day,” I sigh, staring at each of their headstones with tears in my eyes, but holding back the sobs.

Progress.

Today’s rage room experience left me feeling lighter. Not completely, but enough that I feel like, for the first time since they died, I can begin to heal and move forward.

I’m not stupid. I know my sorrow hasn’t gone away completely from just this one thing.

Grief is a funny thing. You can be perfectly fine for long periods of time and then just… something will remind you of the one you lost, or you’ll think of them, and it’ll hit you all over again. It isn’t something that you feel for a little while and then, poof, it’s gone. Unfortunately, it’s lifelong and some days will be great while others will really suck. But not bottling everything up is a start.

“Forde took me to a rage room. That’s Link’s pack brother,” I quickly explain like I would if they were all sitting in front of me at the dinner table after a long day apart. “Anyway, I’m sure you know I didn’t want to go. Been struggling most days with getting out of bed, which I’m sure you also already know. But he convinced me,” I mutter, picking at a loose piece of thread on my sweatpants and furrowing my brows. “He carries the same pain inside of him that I do. It was nice to have someone that truly understands what I’m going through be there for me. Kinda like a matching set, almost. Today… I-It really helped. To smash everything in that room to pieces and just really let all of that anger out and the pent-up emotions that have been threatening to swallow me whole.”

I clear my throat, straightening my spine and holding my head high. “I’ve agreed to let him help me, mainly because I could tell it was something he desperately needed to do, and I felt like I needed to give in for him. I guess it’s because, as I heard him talk about his sister and saw how much of the blame he put on himself, I thought maybe I could provide him with an opportunity to lessen his guilt by helping me out of this… pit I’ve fallen into. I don’t know.” I sigh, watching the tree limbs sway in the breeze. “You want me to keep moving forward, so this is me making an attempt. I’ll live for all of you, even though I don’t really want to right now. I hope that feeling changes one day. That I can live again one day without feeling guilty for doing so while none of you are here.”

I speak softly, as if my words are being carried away on the breeze, almost like a letter, and being delivered to the alphas that have held my heart in the palm of their hands since the day they came into my life. It’s a nice thought, and it actually brings a tentative smile to my lips, which stuns me.

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