Page 48 of Broken Bonds

I lost all of my alphas at once. It hurt and broke me, but if I’d had to watch them all wither and die off one at a time, had to feel their pain and grief alongside my own, I don’t think it’s something I could ever come back from. I’m already struggling to come back from how everything happened, so I know I couldn’t have handled losing them gradually over the span of months.

He wants to be my friend, to be there to help me fight to live, and I imagine it’s part guilt over not being able to save his sister. The rest is just because Forde seems to be a genuinely good alpha whocares.He wants to save me from the same fate, and how can I deny him that?

I squeeze his hands in mine and say, “Okay.”

I think everything is about to change in my life even more. Let’s just hope this time it’s for the better.

ChapterTwelve

LINK

“I thoughtwe all agreed not to interfere?” I growl at Forde when he walks through the front door.

Rion let slip about Forde going to Ramsey’s to see if she’d let him help, and I’d felt a knot in my stomach.

I don’t want to give her any extra reason to stay away from us when sheisfinally ready to be around us, so I made it clear to the guys that we shouldn’t push her. She was already so fragile when I initially met her, and when I saw her at the funeral, the same fragility was still evident. Like if she were to tip over, she’d break apart entirely and her pieces would scatter all over the ground.

Meeting her was… something else entirely. When the door opened and I caught sight of her for the first time, I was almost knocked off my feet. She was stunning, terrifyingly so, even in her state. My pulse kicked erratically in my throat and my muscles stiffened up as the overwhelming need to envelop her in my arms and protect her from whatever could harm her again was almost too much to bear. As I caught her in my arms after she had fainted, I felt a spark ignite in me, like a flame to my veins as it raced through my body and seemed to brand her to my soul, a sensation that left me shaken to my very core as I carefully laid her down on the couch.

That’s not the response you have to your twin’s omega. Yourdeadtwin’s omega, at that. So, then, that begs the question… What the fuck is wrong with me that something primal inside of me wants her anyway? Or at least wants to make sure she’s alive and taken care of?

He sighs, running his fingers through his hair.

“We did. We agreed we wouldn’t step in unless we felt we needed to. I felt I needed to. You didn’t see her, Link. She’s lost weight when she should be gaining it. Her eyes were hollow and ringed in dark circles like she hasn’t slept in who knows how long, which can’t be good for the babies. Jillian says she barely leaves her room and when she does, she’s completely out of it most of the time, walking around like a ghost.”

“He’s right,” Rion chimes in and I turn to see him leaning against the living room entranceway with his arms crossed and eyes intent on me. “She looked terrible when she came intoJinxthe other day. If he was able to get her out, that’s a step.”

I have to fight back the lump that’s rising in my throat while I swallow. I had no idea she was doing so poorly, but then again, how could I? I haven’t really seen her since the funeral other than a few glimpses around town.

“Taking her somewhere she could get all those emotions out really helped, I think. And after, I was able to get her to eat. I take it that was the most she’s eaten in days by the way she devoured nearly everything I ordered for her. All I did was ask if I could take her somewhere. She had every right and opportunity to say no, but she didn’t. Do you think I’d force her or something?” he asks incredulously, scowling at me.

Clenching my teeth together, I struggle to discover the source of my problem.

Is it that she so easily spent time with Forde when I know my mere presence causes her pain and distress?

That he was the one that noticed how badly she was doing and went to her first?

Or is it that she’s agreed to allow him to help her and is willing to build a tentative friendship with him?

I sigh, letting my shoulders drop, and scrub my hands over my face.

“No, of course not. I just… Dammit, I don’t know, man. I’m all over the place since the funeral, barely getting any sleep, and when I do, I’m plagued with godsdamned nightmares,” I growl, stalking past Rion into the sizeable living room and collapsing on the old couch I’d picked up off Craigslist along with a rickety old coffee table that I was sure one of us could bring back to life.

Forde and Rion follow me in, and both take seats in one of the chairs on either side of the couch. Forde leans his arms on his knees and clasps his hands together, his violet eyes practically piercing into my soul in that unnerving way he’s always been able to. It used to piss me off he could so easily read me and my emotions and find a solution to almost anything, but as the years went on I stopped getting so pissy and came to enjoy knowing I had at least one person there that could always understand what I was feeling without even having to voice it.

Right now, I’m a godsdamn mess of emotions that range from fury to absolute annihilation. I miss my fucking brother and there’s nothing I can ever do to fix the mess we found ourselves in. No way for me to ever right my wrongs. No way to make amends and be sure he understands that I always loved him no matter what. No chance for me to hug him again or look into identical eyes so much like my own.

Then there’s the remorse. Never being able to find him, despite him being so close, has left me with a deep sense of guilt that I can’t seem to shake. I feel like a failure of epic proportions.

“What are you having nightmares about?” Forde asks, a heavy dose of concern in his tone.

I sigh and scrub my hand across my head in aggravation. “They’re mostly about Lake, yet my subconscious appears to find a certain sick joy in making him into something like a character from a zombie film. Always at his gravesite,” I say, staring out the big bay window in front of me, swallowing with an acrid taste in my mouth.

Forde remains quiet for an extended amount of time, while Rion is content to let Forde handle my obvious emotional distress. Or whatever it is.

“Have you been back to his burial site since the funeral? Even just to bring him flowers? You could sit and talk to him. Just because he can’t respond doesn’t mean you can’t get everything off your chest that’s weighing you down.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready,” I whisper.