Page 58 of The Sundered Blade

Karreya’s face shuttered and her gaze dropped, but she said nothing, either to confirm or to contradict.

Had she not truly decided what she wanted? Was she still thinking of returning to the Empire?

“I’m sorry,” Vaniell said, his heart sinking and his hope beginning to dim. “I did not mean to assume. When this is over… Whatever you want… I won’t try…” Words stuck in his throat as they had never done before.

“No, Abreian.” Karreya’s expression grew suddenly fierce as she closed the distance between them. Her hand lifted, ungloved and free of weaponry, to settle on his cheek, light as a butterfly’s wing and just as tentative. That bright, burning beacon in his head blazed up like a star, reflected in the fiery heat of her gaze.

“Do not stop trying,” she commanded him fiercely. “Do not stop speaking. I want to hear all of your words. I want to hold all of your feelings. I do not always know how to speak of what I feel, only how to act, and even that is a mystery where you are concerned because I have never felt like this before. I have never cared what anyone thought of me, and it is difficult enough to manage my own heart without wondering what you are thinking.”

Vaniell remained frozen, heart pounding with the inescapable conviction that his next words, his next move, might matter as much as anything he had ever done in his messed up, miserable life.

“You think you’re the only one who feels tangled up inside?” he asked softly. “I don’t know what you’re thinking either, and it’s making me crazy. I want to tell you everything, but I’m afraid it will scare you off. I want to keep you close because you make me happy even when everything is a mess, but I want to push you away because I can’t bear the thought of my past hurting you.”

And Karreya—his gorgeous, deadly, impossible assassin—just looked puzzled. “If you wanted to know what I am thinking, Abreian, why did you not just ask?”

Because…

Well, why hadn’t he?

“Because I was a coward,” he said bluntly. “You are so honest and unflinching, and I knew you would tell me the truth. And I was afraid to hear one more person remind me that I was alone.”

Karreya tilted her head and eyed him with evident satisfaction. “You have changed. When last we parted, you were less certain of yourself. What is different?”

Everything. Everything was different, but he did not know if he could explain it to Karreya.

“I believe it is because… I am no longer fighting alone,” he said, though he knew she might not understand why this meant so much to him. “Ever since the first time my magic was used against me, I have felt as if I could trust no one. As if I dared let no one in, for fear of betrayal. But I have family now, who inexplicably have my back, as if they’ve forgiven me for all the years of animosity that stand between us. And I have… friends.” He still marveled at the word. Perhaps he would never grow used to the idea that more than one person in the world considered him a friend.

“And you have me.” Karreya was still close enough to look up at him out of fierce, golden-brown eyes. “I will not abandon this fight, Niell. I will not abandon…” She stopped, her mouth closed, and he could have sworn a slight blush washed over her cheeks.

“Me?” he asked hopefully, allowing a tiny smile to pull at his lips. “Is that what you were going to say? That you won’t abandon me, because you’re afraid someone else will stab me before you do?”

“No!” The expression on her face seemed almost defiant. “I donotwant to stab you, Niell. Not anymore. I do not want anyone to hurt you, ever. It makes me angry to think of it, and I do not like being angry. It clouds my thoughts, the same way that you do when you smile and say that I am beautiful.”

Vaniell could only stare as the firelight made shadows dance on her golden hair and reflected from her golden-brown eyes. In her black gown, she might have been the incarnation of death itself, and he could not look away. Could not bring himself to care what his people might think, or even what his brother might say.

“You are beautiful,” he told her quietly. “But that is not the only reason that I…”

Karreya froze. “That you what, Abreian?”

The moment drew out as they stared into one another’s eyes, flames crackling behind them while the cry of a night bird echoed through the darkness.

Did he dare to say it? To commit himself irrevocably to this course and damn whatever forces attempted to keep them apart?

He’d warned Jarek that he would not be the kind of king they expected. And Jarek had replied that perhaps that meant he would be the kind of king their peopleneeded.

And maybe—just maybe—it meant that the man called Vaniell of Garimore was not simply a thorn in the side of his kingdom. Not simply a never-ending source of irritation. He could be more than an irresponsible wastrel and an unspeakable cad.

Perhaps there was something of value in the man he’d become, and now all he needed to do was tobethat man.

“Karreya…”

CHAPTER16

Whatever Niell had been about to say was interrupted by a groan from the other side of the fire.

“Kyrion?” Niell stepped back abruptly and darted around the flames to drop to the ground at the night elf’s side. “Tell me what you need. Anything.”

Karreya found it was possible to be simultaneously relieved that Kyrion was awake and frustrated that she would have to wait yet again to hear Niell speak of his feelings.

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