Page 45 of The Uncrowned Prince

“Perhaps you have played at intrigue from the outside,” she said, “but when you set foot on the enemy’s territory, there can be no more games. You must know yourself. Know whether you are willing to die in that place.” Her face was set and serious, her golden gaze intent. “Even more importantly, you must know whether you are willing tokillin that place. They are not the same, and you will not be able to act swiftly and decisively unless you have decided what you are truly fighting for.”

What he was truly fighting for…

“Do you protect others,” Karreya continued, pressing relentlessly onward towards the heart of his doubts, “or do you protect yourself? Do you fight for a cause or for a person? What do you value most—your convictions or your life?”

“Does it have to be ‘or’?” he queried. “Can I not value all of those things equally? And can the protection of others not be the cause that drives me to act?”

“It can,” she allowed, “but it is not enough. Until you have walked the knife’s edge of life and death, you cannot fully understand that brutal decisions are often made in the blink of an eye. If you hesitate, you fail, so you must know yourself completely before you begin.”

And on the inside, Vaniell flinched, because hehadlooked at himself fully and clearly, and knew precisely what he was capable of.

“I don’t know what we will find,” he replied slowly. “And so I do not know exactly what I will do. But while I may appear to be a ramshackle sort of person, flitting about performing useless magic, flirting, and making jokes instead of facing life seriously, I know exactly who I am and what I can do. My magic is capable of killing, and worse. I have walked that razor edge of holding lives in my hands, and I have not always made the right decisions. Every day, I live with many regrets. But you should not fear that I do not know the stakes, or that I am not intimately familiar with the consequences.”

Something new stirred in the depths of Karreya’s golden-brown eyes—a sort of sadness mixed with understanding. As if she, too, knew that stakes and consequences were never simple things.

As if she were letting him see more deeply into that part of her that was more than simply an assassin.

“Then yes,” she said. “I will go with you… Niell.”

They stared at each other for several breaths before he realized… It was the first time she’d said his name. Perhaps the first time she’d seen him as something other than a means to an end.

And as that knowledge sank in, he wondered…

How many people in his life had ever seen him as more than his title? More than his magic? More than a problem to be solved or a tool to be used?

Only his mother. The one who had taught him how badly unconditional love could hurt.

And yet, like a foolish, ignorant child, he still longed for it. To be seen and known and loved for his exact combination of whimsy and heartache and raw, jagged edges.

There had been no chance of it at court, and it was his mother who had set him free from that world. She had given him a priceless gift, but in doing so, had untethered him from everything that gave him shape and identity.

What was he now? Only time—and the fruits of his rebellion—would tell. For the present, he was prince of nowhere and nothing, except his own private kingdom of secrets and lies and unfounded hopes. He bore no crown and no title, only the burning, desperate need to right his own wrongs and free the people he had helped to subjugate.

But tonight, for the first time, he felt just a little less alone in that kingdom of one, and the thought curved his lips into a warm and genuine smile.

“Thank you,” he said.

CHAPTER12

It was a foolish idea—the worst idea, in truth—and the fact that she’d agreed to it did not make Karreya any more resigned to its execution.

“I have agreed to help you, but I am not willing to die for this preposterous and ill-advised scheme of yours,” she warned. “We must begin with a plan.”

“The risk,” Niell argued, “is quite small. There will be a reception tomorrow evening for the Garimoran ambassador. A relatively small affair, with local dignitaries in attendance. Afterwards, there will be music and dancing, while the most important among them quietly withdraw to discuss state business in private. We will sneak in at the height of the festivities, when it will be easiest to hide in the midst of chaos.”

“They will be doubly on their guard, looking for intruders,” she pointed out. “The ambassador’s safety will be their primary concern, and they dare not fail, as it would make them appear incompetent and irresponsible. Possibly even provoke hostilities at a time when they most require stability.”

Niell looked impressed at her assessment. Thankfully, there was no need for him to know that she’d been quite thoroughly educated in all of the most effective ways to destabilize a provincial government. Most of which involved the assassination of key linchpins—toppling countries with the least possible bloodshed. It was probably not the sort of thing proper Abreian ladies bragged about over their disgusting cups of tea.

“Then we will make every effort not to look like intruders,” Niell replied, looking far too cheerful about his utter lack of a plan. “I have a friend in the palace. Perhaps I could ask her to acquire you a servant’s uniform and sneak you in through the kitchens. It should be relatively easy, from what I have observed.”

Was that really the extent of his preparation? A vague idea littered with hopeful improvisations and optimistic maybes?

“So you propose to provide only one of us with a disguise, based on the assumption that their staff is large enough no one will notice a stranger.” Karreya did not bother attempting to hide her skepticism. “Even supposing it were to work, of the two of us, I am far more likely to go unseen, with or without the need for subterfuge. How do you intend to gain entry for yourself? In the same manner? And once you do, how will you proceed? How do you plan to ensure that you are present when they discuss these important affairs of state? What makes you think they won’t notice you immediately? And how exactly is a servant’s uniform going to go unnoticed while sneaking around high-level diplomatic meetings?”

Niell listened patiently to her enumeration of the flaws in his plan, but without any real sign of worry.

“I have my ways.” He followed this incredibly irritating pronouncement with a nonchalant shrug, but that gesture… It was a lie. Whatever he intended to do, he was very worried indeed, and he did not want her to know it.

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