Page 34 of Fallen Heirs

“Come here,” he said, and took my hand, leading us over to a rockery wall where we took a seat.

He shifted slightly to face me. “You remember what I was like when we first met?”

“I do.”

“I was a miserable bastard weighed down by all the shit I tried to hold at bay, only putting rage out there. Shit, only actually allowing myself to feel that, and not all the rest. Theweaknesswas me not being willing to deal with the pain behind all that anger.”

I nodded, taking his words in, feeling the truth to them, but also the weight they bore.

“I hear what you’re saying. You don’t want me to suffer through the same.”

“No fucking way. You deserve better than that, to have a better life, and the three of us want that for you so badly.” He laid his hand on mine, telling me imploringly, “And we want to be here for you, to help you in any way we can. We love you, Alena. You’re ours.”

“And I’m yours,” I told him, giving his hand a squeeze.

He smiled, but that brightness that usually went along with it when I spoke those sorts of words was diminished by the other subject matter infecting us, and he told me, “The thing is, we can’t be there for you properly if you don’t let us in, if you just shut down and numb yourself like you’ve been doing. If you need more time to be able to start to deal with this, let us know. I’ll fucking make Ore stand down on it, I’ll convince him. But if your plan is to never deal with it, that’s a major problem, you know?”

I sighed and pulled my hand away, then pushed off the wall, and started pacing. “Coming here… I wanted to be surrounded by my mom’s things, by all the memories of her that are throughout the house. And, as messed-up as it sounds, the fact that she was rarely ever around… it kind of enabled me to convince myself that it was still the case, that she wasn’t really gone.”

“I get it, I really do. I went through a similar thing after my parents died before I enrolled in Electi Academy.”

I smiled out at him sadly. “But sheisgone. And I hate it. I hate that I had to stand there and watch her perish right in front of us. I hate that I couldn’t stop it. And I hate that we weren’t as close as I would’ve liked before that happened, before I lost her. Being up atExemplar,it really brought it home to me. She hid so much of herself. Not even just from me, but from everyone. Even Elliot, the closest person to her. He had no idea she was just so done with everything, far too willing to lay down her own life.”

“Some people have a gift for hiding so much and the façade is all you get to see.”

“I don’t want to be like that with the three of you. I really don’t. And I guess it got away from me lately, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for checking out, except when it came to the physical side of things. I just… with my mom’s death, then what Constantine subjected me to… I want to cry, to scream, to break down, to rage… but I’m worried that if I open the door to it all, it willoverwhelm me, that I won’t be able to stop or overcome all that pain and grief,orthat I’ll rage out of control.”

He rose to his feet and came to me. “All of that is okay to do. That’s what we’re here for.”

I started shaking my head. “But the darkness in me… it’s fueled by things like this. If I let it out—”

“If you don’t, you could implode whether you like it or not. Choosing to do it, to face it, that gives you more control over it. And in the process, if you feel like you’re losing your grip on that, we’ll be here to prevent things from going too far, to bring you back.”

“I don’t know,” I murmured.

“Alena, if there’s anyone who understands walking that line, it’s the three of us. And look at X. He’s been struggling with the demon in him for years and it nearly broke him. Until Ore made him finally let it all out.”

“It was a game changer,” a familiar voice came from behind me.

As I turned to see Xavier standing there, I also caught sight of Orpheus over by the mansion entrance partially obscured by shadow.

He hadn’t walked away after all, he’d lingered.

He’d stayed.

To make sure I was okay.

Hoping that Talon would be able to get through to me, but not wanting to push it at the same time.

I didn’t like it. I didn’t like him feeling like he couldn’t push me. Him challenging me, us challenging each other, it was our thing. Ourlove languageas Xavier had called it before. And it was also a real thrill to have that.

But lately, with everything that had happened, that had been missing.

Tonight when he’d urged me toprove ithad been the closest he’d come to bringing that. But then he’d backed off.

As he made his way over, I stroked Xavier’s arm. “I know it was, sweet thing.”

The three of them were surrounding me then, eyeing me expectantly and a whole lot worriedly, clearly afraid that I’d keep going the easier route of remaining numb, shutting down, shuttingthemout.

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