Page 51 of Stuffed

"From what? A woman who genuinely cares about me? Who challenges me, supports me, makes me better?"

"People aren't always what they seem and I wanted to be sure."

"No," he agrees quietly. "Sometimes they're better than we expect. Sometimes they surprise us by being exactly what they appear to be—genuine and honest. But if you’re always so negative about it all, Zane, you’re never going to see it."

"You’re the younger brother,” I groan, dragging my hand over my face. “You’re the one who’s supposed to be making stupid mistakes and coming to me for advice. When did you get so wise?" I ask, but we both know I'm deflecting.

"Around the same time you got so jaded." He sighs. "What happened to you, Zane? When did you stop believing in good things?"

"I don't know." But that's a lie. I know exactly when. It was three years ago when Kendra Teerson, the one relationship I thought was going somewhere, ended so abruptly and coldly it left even me shocked. A man who was once dubbed the Ice King of Chicago after being the only local single “celebrity” who refused to participate in a Valentine’s Day bachelor auction.

“So that’s it? You didn’t even have the decency to tell me you were leaving me before I left for London?” I chuckle bitterly, looking around our now half-empty apartment.

“Yes, that’s it and no, you didn’t deserve that, Zane. You don’t even deserve to have me giving you this postmortem on our relationship after the way you’ve—” She coughs and I know it’s to choke down the tears that she’s fighting back. “I gave you three years, Zane. I gave you all of me, and then I sat around and waited. Waited for you to want more, to propose, to tell me you saw me as the mother of your children, to actually spendtime with me, but then once again, our anniversary comes up and you’re in London.”

“Fuck.” My head drops and I realize that once again, I’ve dropped the ball. Not even intentionally… but clearly that’s the problem. I don’t even realize how much I push away the people I supposedly love. “Kendra, I’m so sorry.”

“No, Zane—no, it’s too late. I’m done trying. I’m done waiting… I’m done hoping. Goodbye.”

My hand slowly drops from where it was holding my phone to my face. The seriousness of her tone was final. This wasn’t just a threat or a game to make me chase her. I close my eyes, rage starting to burn in my chest. Rage against myself, against her, against everyone.

"I just…” I say, bringing myself out of the past, “I've seen too many people use feelings as weapons. Use trust as a tool to get what they want."

"Not everyone is out to hurt you," he says softly. "Not everyone has an agenda."

"Don't they?" I stand, restless. "In our world, doesn't everyone want something? Nothing is ever free or done out of the goodness of anyone’s heart."

"Yeah, they do, but Ivy and Tessa aren’t from our world; that’s the difference. They’re from the world we grew up in. Where people want connection. Love. Genuine feelings." He pauses. "The same things you want but are too scared to admit."

"I'm not scared."

"No? Then why are you pushing away the one person who sees past all your walls? Who's loved you since before she was sixteen but grew into a woman who loves you even more deeply now?”

My chest tightens at his words. "I know she’s all those things, Ash. The problem is I’m not. I let work consume me even when I don’t realize it. It's not that simple."

"It could be. If you'd stop looking for reasons why it won't work and start seeing all the reasons it could. She’s not Kendra and you’ve learned your lesson from that, Zane. You need to forgive yourself and move on from it. Let yourself love again."

I glance at my phone once more, at Tessa's words about feelings being real, about being grown-up and terrifying in their intensity. About how she sees me, really sees me, and stays anyway.

"I fucked up," I admit.

"Yeah, you did. But at least you're trying to fix it. Ivy said Tessa showed her your texts."

"Of course she did."

"Hey, at least you're being honest for once. About being scared, about wanting to try."

"I meant it," I say quietly. "Every word."

"I know you did. That's what scares you, isn't it? That this is real?"

I close my eyes, the truth of his words hitting hard. "Maybe. But I also thought it was real with Kendra. I thought?—”

"Well, here's what I think," he says, interrupting me. "I think you've spent so long expecting the worst that you've forgotten how to hope for the best. But Zane? Tessa Marlow is the best thing that's ever happened to you. And Ivy is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Kendra was great; I’m not saying she wasn’t or what you two had wasn’t real, but it wasn’t—this is."

"I know."

"Do you? Because it sounds like you're finally starting to believe you deserve something good, but I also know how you are. Don't sabotage it now."

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