Page 96 of Ho Ho Oh No

Yep. That tracks.

Lettie stomps again. “You can’t choke an old man. Especially not on Christmas.”

“The hell I can’t. Old or young. Christmas, New Year’s, or Independence Day. I don’t give a fuck. I warned him this would happen if he didn’t apologize. He made his choice.” She curls her upper lip. “And you better not even think of looking near Val.”

The old bastard puckers his lips and makes squeaky kissing sounds, trying to throw them in Kri’s direction.“You smell sweet,” he croaks out.

Gross.

“Tomer, come stop her!” Lettie yells, looking around frantically for her fiancé. She finds Shep instead. “Will you stop your girl before she gives this man a heart attack?”

Shep eyes the scene carefully. Hemming and hawing, he purses his lips and then shrugs. “Bit of advice. If she does lay into you, it’s best to just let her finish.”

Pretty sure that was a modified Cousin Eddie line about the dog humping a leg. Nothin’ says happy holidays like that imagery.

My chest reverberates with another laugh that I can’t fight off.

Any one of us could assist in getting Kri off Grandpa Dickie. Most of the Amos-holes couldattemptto remove her.

You’ll notice not a single soul is offering to help.

Not even his wife, the sweet-as-pie Grammy Ellie.

Lettie throws her hands in the air. “I give up!”

Sue nudges my arm and widens her eyes toward the homicide-adjacent behavior.

“Kri has it under control,” I joke. “She doesn’t need my help restraining him.”

Cara, Millie’s youngest sister, comes running over, her entrance heralded by her booming laugh. “Finally.Somebody’sgonna take him out. Hallelujah!” She continues, singing a few lines of the “Hallelujah Chorus.”

Her husband lingers a few steps behind her, their toddler asleep on his shoulder. When Brody sees Kri strangling Grandpa Dickie, his face crimps from the force it takes to hold back his laugh. He’s probably trying not to wake up Jace, which is unnecessary. Even I know that kid could sleep through a high school marching band rehearsal while lying inside the bass drum.

With Cara as his mother, it’s essential for him to be immune to loud noises.

She backs away, brushing up close to Jonesy. Her eyes bounce from the box to his face three times. Next, she glances at Aaron, repeating the motion.

Without warning, Cara lifts the lid of the box in front of Jonesy, peeking inside.

“Well?” Lettie hollers from out of nowhere, her tone no longer one of frustration. It’s giddy excitement. “Is there a hole in the box?”

“Sadly, no.” Cara lowers the lid and attempts to peek into Aaron’s box.

He swats her hand away. “No. Bad girl.”

While he’s shying away from Cara, Lettie sneaks up from the other side to flip his box lid. She gasps, flopping the lid down and cupping a palm over her gaping mouth.

“He cut the hole?” Cara asks, pointing at Aaron’s crotch.

Lettie snickers before dropping the act. “Nah. Gotcha, though.”

“I’d have cut the hole,” Grandpa Dickie eeks out.

Everyone groans at the thought. Kri tightens her hold on his neck.

My wife gives me another nudge in the ribs. “She’s not really choking him, is she?” Sue’s face is blanching white, and it’s not only from theFrostettemakeup she’s still wearing.

“Not really, angel.”

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