Page 74 of Ho Ho Oh No

Begging your finest pardon, ya wanker. Would you focus on what you came here to do? I already had my trousers around my ankles with lotion and tissues beside my little imaginary bed in your mind. Get to it, will ya? I haven’t got all night.

What is happening in my fucking mind tonight? My conscience is going to jerk it while I fuck my girl.

And yet, I’m still thinking about chocolate bars. You’d think all the dessert I had at the party would have killed my sweet tooth, but nothing quite beats the peanuty caramel goodness of a Snickers. Even Klein’s goodies.

Hmm. Wonder if he could make a Snickers cake. I bet Kri would love it. Val would too. Maybe for her birthday.

I’ll have to ask Klein later. I have other priorities.

First, find a room. Second, bang Kri so my conscience can bust a nut all over his imaginary stomach. Or maybe I should call it busting anutcracker. Third, I’ll share a Snickers with my sexy as fuck fiancée. AndthenI’ll ask Klein if he can bake that cake.

Somewhere in there, Sammy and Sawyer will probably become parents if we have time to squeeze it in.

We catch a break down the next hall, finding a vacant room and dash inside. Seems like one of those rooms doctors use to rest when they’re on call.

The click of the door lock recaptures my focus. With her back pressed to the door, Kri makes eye contact so incendiary it could light the room on fire. “What was this about teaching me a lesson?”

Eyes roving around the space, I decide I want her right up against the door. The sheets on the twin bed are messy. No telling who’s slept on it. “Turn around, baby girl.”

“I can’t take you seriously with that stupid hat on your head.”

I’m so amped up I forgot all about the stupid Cousin Eddie costume. “Oh, you don’t like this?” I twist to the side and grip the flaps of my robe to give her a flash of one of my nipples. “Doesn’t this fulfill some kind of holiday fantasy for you?”

“Not a fucking chance.” She barks out a laugh. “I assure you, there’s no woman on the face of this earth—not a damn one—who dreams of fucking Eddie or the actor who played him. Hard. Fucking. Pass.”

With a roll of my eyes, I remove the hat and chuck it onto the nearby table. “Better?”

She points the tip of her chin at me. “Lose the robe next.”

“Make me,” I joke, throwing one of her favorite phrases back at her.

Lunging off the door, she beelines straight for the tie at my waist, making quick work of it before shucking it off. It’s tossed on top of my hat a second later.

Rolling out my lower lip, I give her an appreciative nod. “Impressive.”

Her greedy eyes soak up every inch of my exposed chest as she stutter steps backward, returning to the door. “I’m determined when I have a goal. You know this about me.”

“Same here. And right now, my goal is to make you beg for my cock.”

“I wish you luck in all your endeavors,” she teases.

“Now that I’m divested of my holiday finery...” I raise my index finger, twirling it in a slight circle. “Turn around and face the wall, baby girl.”

Although she’s barely able to contain her giggle, she taunts me right back. “Make me.”

My stifled groan lodges in the back of my throat, causing my words to scrape their way out. “You’re playing with fire, baby girl.”

She beckons me with a crick of her finger while shimmying her shoulders like she’s cold. “Brrr.”

Our banter, so similar to the night I first had my mouth on hers, elicits memories scorching enough to send me into a near-frenzy.

In a flash, I’m on her, my hand wrapping around the back of her neck to yank her mouth to mine. Her lips are hard and unyielding at first, but she soon melts for me, becoming perfectly submissive in a heartbeat.

“That’s my good girl,” I praise her when I come up for air.

Moving in unison, we dive back in for more, hands roving desperately.

“Shep,” she mewls like it pains her.

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