Page 58 of The Lies We Believe

“Here you go.”

I pushed River’s mug across the counter before pouring my own. I made my way over to him and spun him so he faced me and stepped between his legs. “How are you feeling about today?”

“Umm.” River chewed on his abused bottom lip. When his anxiety spiked, he struggled to maintain eye contact with me. We’d had hundreds of difficult conversations over the last few weeks, so I’d learned his tells when he was struggling to process everything. Today was pushing him to the brink.

“I can stay if you’d like me to?” It wasn’t a hollow offer; no matter how important it was for me to be at the station today, I’d drop it all for him. I think he was finally starting to believe me when I told him he’d always come first.

He sighed, and some of the tension eased in his shoulders. Looking at me through his thick lashes, he tried to smile, but it resembled a grimace. “I-I know…but…I-I will be okay. I think?”

“You sure? It’s not a problem.” It would be to Bower, but fuck him. He’d used our relationship to further his own goals, and it had put River in danger. Regardless of whether it was his fault, I was struggling to reconcile a positive working environment with him at the moment.

“Uh huh, yeah?”

“I’ll have my phone with me, so if you need me, just call.” River nodded and wrapped his hands around his steaming mug. He was putting on a brave face for my benefit, but trepidation shone in his dark-green eyes.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“I am too. It’s not like you haven’t had video calls with Joelle before.” I shrugged, trying to lighten the mood. “It’ll just be the real-life version of that today, but at least you can curl up on the sofa with Shadow, unlike me. I don’t get puppy cuddles at her office.”

River snorted, and a mouthful of coffee sprayed across the granite. I’d take the win, even though it caused a mess. His momentary smile gave my weary heart wings. They were still few and far between, but healing was a marathon, not a sprint. He needed my patience and love above everything else. And those, I could give him in bucket loads.

“You’re amazing, you know?” I brushed a kiss on his forehead and inhaled his sweet cinnamon and orange scent.

The toast popped before River could respond with some of his derisive snark that seemed to be his new defense mechanism. Luckily for me, Joelle dealt with the brunt of it, now that he was feeling comfortable enough to speak in front of her. Montoya, on the other hand, was still a work in progress. I didn’t know what had happened between them the day she’d driven us home from the hospital, but it’d put him on high alert around her.

We chatted aimlessly while we ate our breakfast and consumed copious amounts of coffee. So much so, I swore my blood was pure caffeine by the time I grabbed the keys for my bike. The sun was shining today, and although it had been a rough night, I was feeling positive about today for the both of us. Life with River was like balancing on a knife edge—it was as exhilarating as it was terrifying. Experience had taught me that when things felt like they were going well, it was only a matter of time until the tables turned and we were drowning again.

River was rinsing the dishes as I pulled my boots on, whistling to a tune playing on the radio when my phone rang. It was like time froze as we both turned to look at it vibrating on the counter. His eyes tracked every step as I walked over and picked it up.

“Benson.”

“How long until you’re in?” Montoya asked. The edge to her voice had me standing up straight.

I looked over at River as he closed the dishwasher. “I’m taking the bike, so twenty minutes? I was just waiting for Joelle to arrive. She should be here any minute.”

“That’s… that’s good.”

“Montoya, you sound distracted. What’s going on?” I jumped as River wrapped his arms around me. His touch was just what I needed to soothe the rough edges forming in my mind.

“Is he there?”

“Mhmm.” I tugged his body in tighter to mine, knowing he could hear her loud voice even though I had the phone pressed to my ear.

“Shit. There’s been another body?—”

“Has the vic been identified?”

“Yes. Davis was first on the scene.” River stopped breathing and went rigid in my arms while my mind was running a hundred miles an hour. Davis was first on the scene… that was pretty convenient. Releasing a heavy sigh, Montoya continued. “Dale Underwood.”

“Noooooooo.” River’s harsh cry ground my heart to dust as he collapsed at my feet. Shadow crowded around him and I hung up on Montoya.

“Fuck, angel. I’m so, so sorry.”

He shook his head, tears streaming down his beautiful face. I knelt in front of him, scooped him up into my arms, and carried him over to the couch. River buried his face against the column of my throat, his tears slicking my skin and soaking the collar of my shirt. I didn’t care, as long as being in my arms brought him even a modicum of comfort I’d stay here until I was soaked.

“Y-you need to s-stop...” An inhuman sound got caught in the back of his throat as his fingers sunk into my shoulders. “I... I can’t lose you, B-Bane.”

I ran a soothing hand up and down his back. “You’re not going to lose me. I promise you.” I cupped his face between mypalms and brushed away his tears from his cheeks. “I promise.” I kissed his red nose, his eyelids, and his forehead before resting mine against his.

---