Page 18 of The Lies We Believe

I rolled my eyes, crossed my arms over my chest, and huffed, nodding at the bags with agitation eating away at my insides. They looked at the bags, then at each other, like they were having a silent conversation, then back at me.

Bane cleared his throat and peered into the bags, confusion marring his beautiful features. “They’re for you,” he said, so simply my heart skipped a beat.

My arms fell to my sides, hands clenched into tight fists while my eyes darted around, looking for a pen. I chewed my cracked bottom lip but couldn’t see anything past the beauty sitting at the counter making freaking heart eyes at Bane.

“Here.” Montoya passed me a pen from her pocket and pulled out a small flip pad. She watched me intently, like she could chip away at my walls and see every thought that ran through my head. Nervous energy flooded me, making me jittery. The pen slipped through my sweat-slicked fingers.

I didn’t order them.

Releasing a heavy exhale, Bane’s shoulder slumped. “I know, but you…I…” He shook his head. “I thought you might like some more stuff. You barely selected anything. I wanted you to have more options, to feel at home here. I want you to make this your home. Y-you deserve it.”

I scoffed.

No!

“But…” Bane’s voice pleaded with me. The behemoth of a man looked crestfallen, his eyes dropping to the mug he twisted between his fingers rather than continue looking at me. I didn’t know how to explain to him I felt so goddamn guilty about uprooting his life like this, relying on him for everything when I had nothing to give him back.

No! I can’t pay for what I’ve got. So no, keep your money.

I slapped the pad down on the counter, stomped past the pair of them, and opened the sliding door onto the back deck. Tears pricked the back of my eyes as I flushed hot and cold. Emotions I didn’t understand pulsed beneath my skin. I wanted to throw myself into Bane’s big thick arms, to scream at him for giving me stuff I couldn’t pay for. I wanted to cry because I knew everything came with a price, and the clock was ticking.

I wanted to be worthy of his kindness. Of his love, time, and attention. But I wasn’t. I was like a cancer, slowly infecting him until I took over his life and drained him of everything that made him so perfectly perfect. I broke everything I touched, and I couldn’t stand to ruin him.

The door slammed shut behind me as a gust of wind whipped across the deck, cold and biting, but not as ferocious as my heart. The backyard was large and laid mainly to lawn beyond the deck. I headed down the steps as a light misting rain fell. The pale gray clouds churned above my head, pulling in darker shades that gave the afternoon an ominous feeling. I trudged through the knee-length grass, heading as far away from the perfection of the house and the intimate scene in the kitchen that I just couldn’t process.

The weight of Bane’s gaze seared into my back with every step I took, but I ignored every spark it lit in me. The fence at the far end of the lawn was a simple post and rail, not like the tight featheredge one that ran along the sides, offering a sense of seclusion and privacy. There was a small gate in the middle of it, leading to a wooded area, but it was what lay farther back that piqued my interest. A tall weeping willow towered over the shrubby trees that surrounded it, its long tresses swaying in the building wind. Twigs and dead leaves crunched under my boots like brittle bones as I headed toward it. The gate caught on a nasty gust of wind and latched itself closed behind me. Absentmindedly, I picked at the broken skin around my left thumbnail as I settled into the hollow bow and pulled my knees up to my chest. I finally felt like I could breathe.

I’d never experienced such intense emotions as I had since I’d woken up. It had been my mission to keep everything locked down for so long that people had accused me of being ice cold. But really, it was just self preservation at its finest. Everything was beyond overwhelming, and I didn’t know how to process it all. It had been almost as long since I’d been around nature and able to enjoy it.

Was this what heaven felt like? The icy wind whipped against my cheeks, and water misted the air. The woods smelled of damp earth and life. Freedom. Not four walls and a cage. It was like free-falling with no end in sight. It was exhausting and exhilarating. I tipped my head back and allowed my eyes to fall closed, praying it would quiet the noise in my head.

Something cold and wet nudged my hand as it hung over my knee, making me snort awake. I blinked rapidly just as something warm and rough ran up my finger, making me flinch. A soft yip and a solid weight butting into my leg made my lips twitch. I looked down at my accosted finger and battered leg to see a golden puppy chewing on the digit. Its little tail flickedfrom side to side at warp speed, and its big dark eyes looked like pools of happiness.

“Hey there, little one,” I whispered, each word grating as my muscles struggled to form them. The little pup tilted its head to the side like it was listening intently to me, something I doubted very much. I stretched my legs out in front of me, and the pup took it as an invitation to sit on my lap and shuffle around.

“Cooper?” The voice carried on the wind, making my little friend’s ears prick and his head dart in that direction before knocking on my hand, demanding scratches.

I chuckled. “You’re trouble.” I swear the little monster winked at me. His tongue hung out the side of his mouth as he grinned.

“For fuck’s sake, Cooper, where are you?”

“Someone’s looking for you.” Cooper tilted his head again, then lurched up so his paws were on my shoulders and licked my face. “Oh my god!” I choked on a laugh as his tongue invaded my mouth. “Yuck.” I wiped off his slobber with the back of my hand.

“Cooper, come on, bud. Please?”

Cooper yipped right next to my ear in answer to his owner, but refused to move and nuzzled his head against mine. I should have been freaking out that an unknown person was coming toward me. I could feel my hackles rising, the air thickening around me, but this little obnoxious bundle in my lap kept it at bay.

“Cooper?” He yipped again, his tail nothing but a blur. “Cooper! What have I told you about—” A young guy appeared around the tree and fell to his knees at my feet. His bright blue eyes crinkled as a smile lit up his concerned face. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry about him,” the guy started and slipped a collar and leash onto Cooper as I held his wriggling body still.

I nodded along as he kept talking, telling me that Cooper was a Houdini-level escape artist, and nothing he did to his backyardcould keep him in. It turned out Colton fostered pets when the local shelter was overcrowded. He currently had Cooper, a six-month-old lab; Terry, the chihuahua; and Talulah and Daphne, French bulldog sisters. It sounded manic, but his enthusiasm was as infectious as Cooper’s licks.

“You should come over and meet them. Cooper loves you, and I bet the others will too. Hey, maybe you could adopt one of them?”

“What the hell is going on here?” Bane growled, and I shuddered at the low, menacing tone of his voice. My heart thundered in my chest, but I couldn’t work out if it was fear or something else. My fingers sunk into Cooper’s coat as I clung to him. Bane bent over, chest heaving, hands braced on his knees. “Oh shit. Hey, Colton.”

“Hey, Bane. You okay there, big guy?” Colton’s eyes lit with hunger, and it was my turn to growl—although rather pathetically. I made no sound, only choked on the spit in my mouth as my chest rumbled and ended up hacking up a lung.

Colton and Bane moved together, both lunging towards me, bodies towering over me like night and day. In a split second of fear, I shoved Cooper off my lap, threw myself on the ground, and curled into the fetal position. Hot tears tracked down my cheeks, dripping onto the damp ground. I squeezed my eyes shut like I did when I was a child. If I couldn’t see the thing that scared me, it wasn’t there. It wasn’t real. It couldn’t hurt me.

---