Page 54 of The Lies We Believe

“What did he get?”

“I don’t know, but…” My voice trailed off as pieces started to click together in my mind. “His clothes. Whatever he got must be with his clothes.”

“Leave it with me. I’ll check back in with Sharon.”

“Thanks. I owe you.”

“You always owe me, smartass. But, Benson?”

“Mmm?”

“Don’t be too hard on him. I know what he did was stupid and reckless and scared the shit out of you, but his heart was in the right place. I can’t imagine how powerless he feels. How powerless he’s always felt. So while it might seem like he’s grasping at straws, that boy is trying to change his stars and those of others like him. It was a noble act, even if it turns out to be fruitless.”

“I know he meant well, but he’s not a cop.”

“No, he isn’t. He’s a survivor, Jacob. He’s lived through things we can’t even imagine.” I sighed as her words laid more guilt on my shoulders than I already felt for shouting at him and losing my temper. “Take care of him. He’s something special. Happy looks good on you.”

“It’d look good on you, too.”

“Hell would have to freeze over first. I don’t need a man to make me happy when I have batteries and Tinder.”

“I don’t need to know about that,” I snarked. “I’ll talk to you later.” I hung up before she could respond and cradled the broken boy in my arms, pulling him closer to me like I could peel back his skin and live right next to his heart. But that still wouldn’t be close enough to satisfy this yearning inside me that wanted to consume him.

CHAPTER 23

RIVER

“Morning, angel.”

I sighed as Bane’s lips kissed a path across my exposed shoulder, sending delicious waves of electricity across my skin that made all the little hairs on my skin stand on end. A shudder rolled through me, and he chuckled at the nape of my neck as his hands massaged the tension from the tight muscles of my back, making me groan.

“Does that feel good, baby?”

“Y-yes,” I breathed and buried my head under my pillow to hide the flush heating my cheeks.

Waking up to Bane’s undivided attention was one of the best feelings in the world, even if my mind still struggled to accept what was happening between us. I didn’t deserve to be this lucky. My body begged for more from him than he’d given me over the last two weeks, but every kiss we’d shared had been filled with tension, need, and love. I was drowning in an intensity I didn’t fully understand, having never felt anything like it before. It was more than just a physical thing; every touch of his hands or lips felt like it was rearranging me on a cellular level. It was like Bane knew things about my body and psyche I hadn’t even known existed. I wanted more with him, but everytime I found the words, they died on my tongue and fear coiled around me. What if when we did more, he realized how used up and disgusting I was?

Would I survive him rejecting me now when he’d filled my head and heart with hope? Life felt too good to be true with everything I’d ever dreamed of right at my fingertips, but they were stained with blood as I tried to cling to this dream-like reality I’d found myself in. Reality was breathing down my neck and knocking on the door I’d bolted shut. But I could hear the countdown timer every time my eyes shut, and when it reached zero, my hopes and dreams would turn to ash.

“Bane?” I whispered. I felt more and more unmoored as he lavished every part of me he could reach with sweet, tender kisses. It felt like my throat was closing up, and even though I knew he was right here with me, he felt farther and farther away. The world was fracturing around me like a kaleidoscope, taunting me, reminding me I was unworthy. That happiness wasn’t a thing people like me deserved.

“What’s up, Riv?” he asked softly, maneuvering us until I was sitting in his lap and we were chest to chest. My legs were braced on either side of his hips, my hands resting numbly on his shoulders. “You know you can ask me anything, right?”

A shaky breath passed my lips, and I swallowed, my throat so dry it felt like it was stuffed with cotton. As I stared into his bright sky blue and dark bottomless eyes, I saw my hopes and fears reflected back at me.

“Angel, what’s on your mind?” He trailed his knuckles down my cheek and sunk his fingers into my wild strands, pulling me closer. “Talk to me,” he breathed against my lips, his taste invading my mouth. Soft kisses rained down on my forehead, eyes, down the bridge of my nose, and across my cheeks. My heart was doing somersaults in my chest that grew tighter withevery beat as beads of perspiration grew on my hairline and top lip.

“I—” I licked my lips and shook like someone had walked over my grave. “Do you… w-want me?” My voice was small, the voice of a scared little boy who’d been given access to a candy shop but was too scared to step inside, fearful that with one wrong move, he would end up locked away in the dark. Abandoned and alone.

“You’re safe with me, River.” His lips brushed my lips with the lightest of touches. Not a kiss, but in comfort, seeking connection and trust.

“D-d you… want me?” I rasped and screwed my eyes shut, unwilling to see the look that crossed his face as fear of rejection churned in my gut.

“River? Look at me.” I shook my head and tucked my chin against my chest, heat building in the back of my eyes. “Angel.” Bane pinched my chin between his thumb and forefinger and lifted my head. “Look at me.”

His smokey sleep-filled voice took on a commanding tone I’d never heard from him before. It made my spine stiffen and my shoulders pull back as my walls solidified around me. Echoes of men from the past ordering me around like I wasn’t human filled my mind in a deluge of memories, and my heart started pounding for a whole other reason. My lungs burned, because no matter how many breaths I took, air didn’t fill my lungs.

“River.” A sense of urgency took over his voice, like I wasn’t the only one who had become untethered.

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