Page 5 of The Lies We Believe

“That’s easier said than done with his record. Shit! Ignore me, Kesha.” Elise waved her hands around and caught my eye. I glanced away and watched the other nurses buzzing around their busy station.

Just after I turned seven, Elise moved me to another town with the Wilkinson’s. There had been so many places, each one merged into the next, but this one was different.

There was something special about this latest home.

Mrs. Wilkinson had pale blonde hair streaked with gray that she wore in a bun at her nape. Her gray eyes were warm, and she gave the best hugs. I couldn’t remember the last time someone hugged me.

Elise ushered me out of her car and knocked on the door of the white house with blue shutters, door, and trim. A funny feeling bounced in my tummy.

“Hello, Elise. It’s so nice to see you again. Is this the newest member of our family?”

“Yes, this is River.”

I held out my hand as Elise had taught me to do, and Mrs. Wilkinson chuckled. It sounded like musical bells. She crouched down in front of me, ignoring my hand, and pulled me into a hug. “Welcome to my home, River,” she said softly and brushed the hair I hid behind off my face. “Would you like to come in?”

My lips twitched as I tried to smile. She had asked me, not Elise. Me. She spoke to me in a way no one else had for as long as I could remember. I nodded. Mrs. Wilkinson took my hand and led me through a clean house into the kitchen.

“Have a seat.” She pulled out a chair for me at the table in the middle of the room, and once I’d sat down, she gave me a chocolate chip cookie. “Elise? Coffee?”

“That sounds perfect. Then we can discuss everything we need to.”

Mrs. Wilkinson hummed. “Of course.” She looked at me over her shoulder as she filled the kettle. “When you’re finished, River, if you head through that door, the rest of the boys are out in the yard playing with cars in the sandbox.”

I smiled for real this time and shoved the rest of the cookie into my mouth. Mrs. Wilkinson laughed and held the door open for me before turning back to Elise. I covered my eyes when I stepped out onto the small deck and saw four boys laughing and messing around. They weren’t silent like the kids had been in the other homes I’d stayed in. They smiled.

It was there I met a boy who became the center of my world. Jacob arrived after I’d been there a few months. He was as tall as Mrs. Wilkinson at only twelve and had shoulders like a pro wrestler. Some of the other boys were afraid of him because he towered over everyone else, but I could see how sad he was. I felt his pain like it was my own.

He spent most of his time sitting under the large willow at the edge of the yard, crying. It was strange to see someone sobig crying like that. He looked like a grownup, and they didn’t cry, did they? That’s not what men did. At least, that was what Darren said the first time I cried when he hit me until blood coated my teeth.

I quickly became Jacob’s shadow, following him everywhere he went unless he was at school. I felt safe around him. The other boys didn’t like me because I didn’t talk and they feared Jacob. It was like we were outcasts together.

One sunny Sunday morning, I was lying in the grass close to Jacob’s tree, watching the clouds, when he laid down next to me.

“What are you looking at?” I pointed to the clouds in the sky that were blowing over the vast expanse of blue. “Don’t talk much, do you?”

I shook my head, and he sighed, tucking his hands behind his head. I copied him, and his deep laugh was so loud it made me jump, which only made him laugh harder.

He turned and looked at me. “I’m Jacob, but you can call me Bane.” A small smile lifted the corner of his lips, but his eyes were still red rimmed and swollen. “What’s your name?”

I looked at his eyes, one the color of the sky, the other a brown so dark it was like being lost in the woods. I didn’t blink for a long time as I studied them, noticing all the little flecks of colors hidden in their depths. He differed from me in so many ways but lost too, just like me.

“R-River.” My voice squeaked and sounded rough, like I needed to cough and clear my throat. It was the first word I’d spoken in years.

“That’s a cool name. Who gave it to you, your mom?” I shrugged and turned back to the clouds. I didn’t know where my name came from or who chose it, it just was. A bit like I didn’t know who my mom was. All my memories were of being shipped from home to home but never having one of my own.

A shudder worked its way through me, coiling in my aching gut. I gasped and retched as the already strained muscles burned like they were dipped in acid. Black spots covered my vision as I blinked heavy lids, trying to clear the fresh wave of tears from my eyes. I clenched my jaw to keep the whimper of pain locked away, sinking my teeth into my tongue. Blood filled my mouth, making my stomach roll again.

I flushed hot and cold as fear and anger warred inside me. He shouldn’t be here. I didn’t want him to see me like this. To see what I had become. How low I’d gone, what I had to do to survive. Shame. That was what I was feeling; it sunk into my feet like lead boulders that refused to let me move. Trapped. Chained. I couldn’t go anywhere. Despair licked at my skin until my fingers and toes went numb. Tears streamed down my cheeks, but I was too tired to wipe them away. I couldn’t… I just couldn’t handle it anymore. Please make it stop!

A pained cry pulled my eyes back to him, where he was kneeling on the floor. Shoulders hunched, head hanging low, mournful sounds breaching his trembling lips. He looked up at me, his blue and brown eyes swimming in an endless sea of pain. For him? For me? I couldn’t tell, but it radiated off him.

Bane was a monolith of a man, now fully grown, but he seemed so small right now. My heart stopped beating as he shook his head and collected the folders off the floor. He clutched them like a lifeline as he got to his feet, looking at me like he wanted to say something before running through the door like he was escaping a fire.

Bane left! He left me here to rot in a cell for a crime I had no choice but to commit to keep breathing.

Why do they always leave me?

What did I do that was so wrong to end up with a life like this?

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