Page 46 of The Lies We Believe

“Angel.” He cleared his throat like he was about to make a proclamation that would change the course of history. “I. Love. You.”

Who knew three words had the power to destroy me? A fresh wave of tears spilled from my burning eyes. It was too late. I was too late to save him from my cancerous self.

“N-n-n-no.” I formed the word with trembling lips, but they were nothing but rasping air.

A watery smile lit up his face. “You don’t get to tell me how I feel, Riv. You need to listen to me right now. No, you don’t get to hide from this.” He pulled my arm away from my face where I’d thrown it over my eyes.

“It’s my truth, and I’ll tell you every day until you believe me. I love you.” He expelled a powerful breath. “I know I left things in a less than desirable way, and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, but the god’s honest truth is I freaked the fuck out. I wanted you. I need you.” His lips brushed over mine. “I was dreaming about you. I have dreamed about you since I brought you home. And waking up to you doing exactly what you were doing in my dream was heaven and hell, all rolled into the most devastating explosive experience I’ve ever had. I’ve never felt for anyone else what I do with you. But, even though I felt like I was floating among the stars, I also felt like I’d broken your trust. You were living with me for your protection. You were finally free, and I turned you back into an object.”

“No.” The word punched past my lips with a rawness that shredded my vocal cords, but I didn’t care. I refused to let Bane make himself into my villain.

He was my protector.

My home.

My safe place.

“But—”

“No… y-ou…s…sav…ed…m…eee.”

“I will always save you, angel, because I love you—whether your heart and mind can accept that or not. I’m irrevocably in love with you. Words might not mean much to you, but there are many ways I can show you what you mean to me when we get home.”

He sniffed, wiping away his tears with the back of his hand before his red-rimmed eyes fell on me again.

Home.

One syllable that meant as much to me as love. Bane was offering me everything I’d ever deluded myself I could have. But was I really worth it?

CHAPTER 20

BANE

Seeing River lying in that bed, beaten and bruised, and trying not to lose control, was almost unbearable. One side of his face was swollen, with deep cuts marring his cheek, and his skin a stained watercolor of blacks and blues. I swallowed hard, but my throat felt tighter with each attempt, my lungs constricting as if I couldn’t draw breath. I had just bared everything to him—heart, soul, and all the unspoken pieces I’d guarded for so long, offering them up at his feet. And now, silence. Deafening silence that stretched into an ache with each second he stared back at me through eyes that saw right past me.

Unable to handle the trepidation leaching into me, I pushed up from the chair, leaned in, and brushed my lips across his forehead, hoping he’d feel the tenderness I couldn’t put into words. Then I turned and walked out of the room, the weight of his unspoken rejection pressing down on me, heavier than the guilt I already carried for abandoning him to his current fate. I’d given him all of me, but the hollow ache left from his silence was consuming me, filling me with the painful realization that even after all I’d said, it still might not be enough.

I might not be enough.

Montoya launched out of her seat in the corridor as I closed the door behind me. My eyes were wet with tears of fear as her gaze assessed me from head to toe. “How did it go?”

A shuddering breath rocked through my body as I tried to force the words from on my lips. “I-I don’t know.” My shoulders dropped as she stepped up to me and wrapped her arms around me in comfort. We must have looked ridiculous to passersby, but I didn’t care about anyone else at that moment, only the boy who owned my heart, the one I’d left in the other room. He would forever be its keeper, even if he didn’t want me.

Was it too much to ask for him to want me the same way I wanted him? Right now, I didn’t care about my job, the case, or the career I’d spent my adult life forging from the ground up. All the things I’d sacrificed for meant nothing to me now. All I wanted was him. Without River in my life, I didn’t think I could go on. The grief I’d felt when I lost my family didn’t hold a flame to the devastation that wanted to swallow me whole.

“Give him time, Jacob. You just dumped a hell of a lot on him when he should be resting and recovering.” I sighed and dropped my head until it rested on hers. The vanilla scent of her hair that once used to bring me comfort now left me feeling adrift.

“I know, but… I wanted him to know. No, I needed him to know that he’s not a job to me. He’s… he’s everything. And that might have come as a shock to him, but...” I licked my lips and extracted myself from her embrace. “We’ve had these moments where it’s felt like time stopped when he looked at me, and I swear I saw the same want mirrored in his eyes.”

“I don’t think you’re wrong,” she said softly, like you would when speaking to a sad child. “I saw it that morning in your kitchen when he all but pissed on you.” A smile tugged my lips at the memory, but it faded quickly. “He’s spent his whole life being treated like a commodity. It’ll probably take him a while beforehe can trust your words aren’t pretty lies. The lies we believe are the most dangerous, especially when the truth is so hard to hear.”

“Since when did you become so fucking wise?”

She smiled at me and tapped my nose. “Come on, let’s grab a coffee and get an update from the doctor. Then you can go back to him and take him home.”

I looked at her with indecision, my eyes darting between the door to his room and her. My feet had grown roots and refused to move. I was right where I should be, but not right where I needed to be.

With a huff, she crossed her arms over her chest, her sassy side roaring to life like a fire in her. “Fine. I’ll go get us three decent coffees. You speak to the doctor, then go sit with River. But don’t,” she pointed her finger at me, jabbing my sternum for extra emphasis, “push him for an answer to anything other than questions about how he ended up where he did and what happened. Even that might be too much for him right now.”

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