Page 38 of The Lies We Believe

With that done, I pulled my legs up into my hoodie, grateful Bane had never taken his back from me. This one was large enough to fit my legs and bag under it, so I could keep everything safe. Blindly reaching into the bag, my eyes darting around checking for threats, I pulled out a bottle of water. The lukewarm liquid was enough to soothe the abused flesh of my throat. The damage done from Bane’s dick would pass in a few days—if I lived that long. As long as I had enough time to do what I needed to help him, that was all that mattered. I couldn’t care less about my life, not if it didn’t include him. Without realizing it, he had been what had kept me going all these years and now, knowingthe truth that we would never be anything, I had no reason left to fight.

By the time the temperature dropped, my teeth were chattering, and I struggled to keep my eyes open. I was losing my fight with staying hypervigilant. It was hard to determine how many hours had passed, but I assumed it was the early hours of the morning. I was on the edge of unconsciousness when I heard the first sloshing footsteps since I’d been abandoned in this corner. I was under no assumption that I wasn’t being watched, but the streets worked in their own mysterious ways. Just because you couldn’t see someone, didn’t mean they couldn’t see you. The walls had eyes.

The footsteps grew louder, and muttered curses carried to me, making my stomach revolt. I knew that voice, one that belonged to a face I hadn’t seen until recently, even though I’ve heard it for years.

“Its fucking disgusting. I should be booking these fucking vermin, not collecting them like a goddamn prized pet.”

Cold sweat pickled under my hood and dripped down my neck. Fear coiled around me, making it hard to breathe. I’d expected Dahlia to send Sean or Devlin, not a fucking cop. She really was untouchable if she was sending him to collect me. The sound of a gun cocking made me freeze. The way the sound echoed around the space was disorientating. I blinked a few times until a figure materialized in the darkness before me.

“Fancy seeing you here, you little whore,” he spat at me. “Didn’t think you’d leave Benson’s house, all protected like the man in the high castle.” He tilted his head to the side, something wild and unhinged glinting in his eyes as he flicked the muzzle of the gun at me. “Up. She wants to talk to you.”

CHAPTER 17

BANE

My conscience warred with me the entire drive to the station, with roads, junctions and houses all passing in a blur. My head knew I was doing the right thing. I had a job to do, and a homicide possibly connected to the case was not something I could put above my own selfish needs. No matter how much I wanted to reach out to River, I didn’t think a text or a call would be enough. No, this needed to be a face-to-face conversation. It was hard enough at the best of times to get a true read on River’s emotions, yet I itched to let him know I was thinking about him, and that I hadn’t brushed what had happened under the carpet.

The thought of him being home alone, lost in a quagmire of emotions from our interaction this morning, was gutting. The pain and rejection had been clear to see in his deep green eyes, the clearest emotions I’d ever witnessed on him, and I had been the cause. I’m not sure how he expected me to react, waking up to find his full lips wrapped around my cock as I spilled down his throat. It was heaven and hell incarnate. The best and worst moment of my life. I wanted him. The connection I felt to him was unsurpassable, but it was wrong on so many levels. He was my protectee, my goddamned job. He was vulnerable andbroken in so many ways, and though I might not have initiated the act, I felt like I’d betrayed his trust. I was just another man that had used him. Fuck, how I hated myself.

A kiss was one thing, but face fucking him until I blacked out from euphoric pleasure was a whole other issue. He might have come to me for comfort during the night, and I somehow manipulated him into sucking me off. Or the more probable reason was that he thought the only way he could level the playing field between us was to offer what he thought I valued most—what men valued most—his body.

I’d single-handedly ruined all the progress we’d made over the last few weeks. He had finally let me see behind his walls and learn more about what he’d survived. River had let me see him in a way no one else got to. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that he was still holding information back from me. I had a feeling when I discovered what it was, it would annihilate me. In my line of work, you saw and experienced things no one in their right mind would wish on another, but having a firsthand account from someone you cared about wrecked you on a whole other emotional level.

I needed to book another appointment with Joelle, but I was hoping by giving it some extra time, I could convince River to meet her. Maybe he would feel comfortable enough to open up to her and get the support he needed to process his trauma. But after this morning, I felt like I’d shot myself in the foot where that idea is concerned.

The parking lot out the back of the station was eerily deserted for this time of day. That had the hairs on the back of my neck prickling with trepidation as goosebumps spread across my skin and down my arms to my cold fingers. I was in a bad enough place; I didn’t need anything unexpected throwing me off. As an officer of the law, the image I portrayed was of the utmost importance, and looking like I was on the vergeof a mental breakdown when I came on shift would not go over well, especially with Bower, who was close to revoking our arrangement.

The engine ticked over as it cooled, while my eyes locked on the thread of messages between me and River. I had so much to make up for and explain, but finding the right words was tough. Anything I said would be inconsequential, but I couldn’t leave him alone, suffering in silence.

I’m sorry.

I hit send, berating myself for my inadequacy. I’d never been good with words, but even I knew that wasn’t enough to convey the gravity of the situation or even give him an inkling of my emotions on where I stood regarding BJgate. I pulled up the tracking app I’d hidden on his phone and checked his location, fear thrumming under my skin as I waited for it to load. There was a need to make sure he was safe, because there was a darkness looming on the horizon that grew every day this case progressed. With the team working on getting the warrants in place to search the properties of the real Dahlia, my gut told me this case was about to take a turn for the worse.

“Pull yourself together,” I muttered, grabbed my pack, and slammed the door shut behind me. My eyes were glued to the ground, as if it could provide me all the answers I needed.

“You look shittier than you sounded on the phone.” Montoya’s voice crashed into me like a semi. My eyes bugged out of their sockets, and my head snapped up. “What the fuck is going on with you, big guy?”

Ignoring her where she stood leaning against the wall, arms folded across her chest, eyeing me suspiciously next to the back entrance, I wrenched the door open and headed to my locker.

“Seriously, the silent treatment? How grown up. What are you, twelve?” I rolled my eyes, grabbed my vest, and slipped it on while she huffed and puffed next to me. She hated being ignored. It brought out her fiery side. Without looking at her, I knew her hand was resting on her cocked hip.

“If you keep going like that, you’ll blow the station down.”

She snorted and slapped my back, finally cracking a smile. “Once you’ve checked your hair, we need to go. Daniel is holding the site for us.”

“Sure.” I glanced at the mirror on the back of my locker door, noting just how wrecked I really looked. Bloodshot eyes, puffy lids, and sweat beading in my hairline. I was a walking train wreck, but I needed to lock it down before we stepped out of here.

“Benson, Montoya? What the fuck are you still doing here? Get moving,” Bower bellowed from where he leaned through the doorway to the station. “I want a full report written up on my desk by the morning.”

“On it,” Montoya and I replied together. Her lips quirked as she nodded at me and went to grab the keys for the squad.

“Meet you out there,” I called after her and slammed my locker shut, leaving everything that was hanging by a thread behind. I exited the station, and by the time I got to the squad, it flashed as Montoya unlocked it.

“You can drive,” she called out, hurling the keys at me. I caught them in one hand and slipped into the car.

“When don’t I?” I muttered as she belted in. “Where are we heading?”

“To the docks.” She called through to dispatch as I maneuvered us into the busy early morning traffic. The docks were located down the south banks of Black River. It was an import hub that was also used by local fishermen who had been banned from using the marina, where those with moneykept their fancy yachts because the smell of fish disturbed their peace. The sad fact was the Hendrixes had been one of the many families who had signed the petition.

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