Page 32 of The Lies We Believe

By the time the hot water had run out, I had settled on a plan. It was simple but dangerous, and would probably cost me my life. But what kind of future did a fuck-up like me really have? None. So I might as well go out with a bang and doing it all for the only person who had ever cared about me seemed to be the best way.

Steam filled the bathroom, and I reached blindly for a towel and quickly dried off. New purpose filled me like a deadly venom, but I didn’t regret it. The towel landed somewhere near the hamper as I discarded it and turned to the mirror, covered with condensation. With a trembling finger, I wrote a message through the tiny water droplets.

Thank you for everything, Bane.

This is for you.

Tears flowed through the gullies in my skin as I leaned forward and kissed the mirror, transferring all my pain into it. I might not like what I saw in the mirror, but as of right now, I couldn’t hate it either. I didn’t know if my actions were selfless or not, but at my core, I believed they were and convinced myself this was best for everyone.

My emotions were a mess, consuming me as I slipped on a pair of jeans, a black tee, and another one of Bane’s hoodies. His scent saturated it, and each inhale of the cedarwood and leather smell made me feel like his arms were wrapped around me, and he’d always be with me. While yanking on a pair of boots he had gotten me, a new item in my closet caught my eye. A sweet-as-fuck leather jacket that hadn’t been in there before. It fit like a glove. The distressed leather was supple and strong, and I loved it.

The downstairs was deserted by the time I got down there, and Shadow was snoozing in his crate, looking at home in a way I never would. On the counter was some water and a couple of tablets. Without thinking, I knocked them back and downed the water, welcoming the cool liquid into my raw throat. It was only after I set the glass down that I saw the note Bane left me to meet him out front. Swallowing down the nervous energy flowing through me, I headed to the front door.

The golden afternoon sun hung low in the sky, blinding me as I stepped out of the dark house. With my hand covering my eyes, I blinked, trying to clear my vision as fireworks burst across it. Bane came into focus and holy shit, I would remember this moment forever. When the time came to take my last breaths and the final montage of the time we’d spent together flashedbefore my eyes, this scene would be the last one. The one I’d keep forever with me in hell.

Bane was the embodiment of every fantasy I’d ever had. His six-foot-five frame leaned effortlessly against a black bike, sleek and hot as hell, its chrome exhaust gleaming in the light like it was studded with diamonds. The sight scrambled my thoughts and made my mouth water, desperate for just one taste as I struggled to take it all in. His dark-washed jeans clung to thick, powerful thighs, while biker boots hugged his calves, one foot casually crossed over the other. My gaze slowly traveled up his long legs to where his white shirt rode up just a few inches, revealing rich dark skin, a glimpse of deeply carved abs, and the top of an Adonis belt that made my knees weak.

I had never wanted anyone this intensely. Touch had always left me feeling violated and repelled, but with Bane, it was different. It was easy, as natural as breathing. It felt right. He felt like home.

A throat cleared, making me jump. I looked up through my lashes to see humor dancing in his hypnotic mismatched orbs. “My eyes are up here.” He chuckled, pointing at his eyes with his fingers while a delectable smile lit up his face. I swallowed and licked my lips in case there was any drool on them, because the man was perfection. “Do you like my baby, angel?” His gravelly voice wrapped around me like a physical caress, pulling me toward him.

Did he realize he kept calling me angel? Did it mean something more than just a slip of his tongue? “Mmmm.” The sound resonated in my chest as I nodded, and his smile spread to his eyes, making my heart flip-flop in my chest. Fuck me, leaving was going to hurt even more than I imagined. It’s for the best.

I’m nothing. A no one.

Unloveable.

“Would you like a ride?” He stepped up to me and unfolded his arms. “Let’s get you zipped up and a helmet on, okay?”

I blinked, frozen by the tattoos revealing themselves as he stretched his arm out toward me. How had I not noticed he had tattoos after all this time? I flushed hot and cold as he stepped closer and zipped up my leather jacket. My breath started coming in short sharp pants as brushed his knuckles over my cheek, but my eyes focused on the way his teeth sunk into his full bottom lip. When he pushed a ridiculously large helmet over my head, my heartbeat echoed in my ears. Bane kicked his leg over his bike and straddled it, moving like he had no bones in his body.

Bane held his hand out to me, palm up, and without a thought, mine slid into his. The rough calluses sent waves of electricity across my smooth skin. He wrapped his fingers around my wrist and yanked me closer until I was flush with his side, and a wicked chuckle seeped past his lips. “Come, Riv, hop on. Put your feet on the kickstand, then wrap your arms around me. Simple.”

Simple? Was he insane? Like a marionette on a string, I followed his instructions, and soon I was nestled up close and personal with the solid slab of muscle that was his back, trying to mold my body to his as the bike snarled to life beneath us. Deep vibrations rolled through me as I clutched the sides of his jacket, unable to wrap my arms around his broad chest.

Bane laughed when I squeaked and glanced at me over his shoulder. With the visor up, I could see the joy sparkling in his eyes. The deepening lines around them pulled at the frayed strings of my heart as he smiled. “You good?”

Relinquishing my hold on him, I pulled my arm back and gave him a shaky thumbs up. He snorted, shook his head and pulled on some gloves before saying, “Good. Hold on.”

He pulled my arms tighter around his chest, gave them a quick squeeze, then leaned forward and revved the engine. “I want to take you to my favorite places.” With that, he pushed his visor down, twisted the throttle, and the bike lurched forward, wheels spinning on his driveway in his quiet, sleepy suburb.

Within seconds, we were flying across the blacktop, leaving the sprawling neighborhood behind. I’d been in Holme Oaks a few years but had never really seen any of it other than the inside of a blacked out van or a room. The less I focused on that, the better. So this experience really was a once in a lifetime one for me. A bucket list moment where I’d discover what it was like to fly without ever leaving the ground.

Things changed pretty quickly. Quaint two stories with neatly trimmed front yards morphed into oak-lined streets and yards so big you couldn’t see the houses behind them. I noticed the cars also changed from sedans and trucks to town cars and sleek sports cars. When the houses became mansions, it felt like I’d been transported to another world. Walls rose around the properties and electric gates at the entrances came with their own guard booths.

Jealousy burned through me like a solar flare. While I suffered, wishing for death, people lived in gilded cages that my dreams couldn’t even comprehend. It made me sick to my back teeth. Not wanting to see any more, I screwed my eyes shut and buried my head against Bane’s back, shutting the world out. It felt like he was rubbing everything I could never have in my face. Emotion clogged my throat as tears pricked the back of my eyes. How could this be what he wanted to show me?

“Riber, ook.” Bane’s muffled voice startled me. I could tell we were still moving, but the brutal sound of the wind rushing past had faded. “Ook.” My eyes opened reluctantly and followed the direction his arm was pointing.

“Holy fuck!” I muttered in awe as my eyes swept across the breath-stealing views before me. We were halfway up a large hill, looking out over the whole of Holme Oaks. But the town spanning out in front of us wasn’t what captivated me. My arms tightened around Bane as rays of golden light skittered into a kaleidoscope of colored fractals that danced across the water of the biggest lake I had ever seen. The far side seemed to meld with the horizon in a haze that made it look almost ethereal. Banked by a dark forest, it felt kind of symbolic, reminding me of the man my arms were wrapped around.

We continued along the road for about a mile before we turned off and headed down a well-worn track. I’d expected Bane to pull over on his bike as the terrain became seriously uneven, but he skillfully navigated our way down to a parking area by the bluffs before we rolled to a stop. He kicked out the kickstand and turned the engine off.

In a move that seemed to defy physics, Bane pulled me around him, so I sat in front of him, my back to his chest and overlooking the lake lapping at the shore. He tapped my helmet, unclipping it for me before doing the same with his and stowing them on the back of the bike. I tipped my head back against his shoulder as a gentle breeze coasted over my heated cheeks and smiled up at him before my eyes returned to the view.

Never had I ever felt peace like this before. I didn’t know if the stunning vista, being in nature, or being wrapped in the arms of the only person who had ever made me truly feel safe in my life. Or if it was a combination of all of them. I should have been exhausted after I bared my soul to him this morning, and I was, emotionally, but I also felt rejuvenated, like right now was a fresh start.

But it couldn’t be, no matter how much I wished it could. We were too different. Our lives were on completely different trajectories. Bane deserved the best of everything, and Ideserved nothing. I would treasure these last few moments with him. I’d use the memories to keep me warm when I let the darkness back in. When I switched off my emotions and gave over control of my life to the devil.

---