Page 15 of The Lies We Believe

River was like a statue carved from ice. Frozen perfection. My hands coasted up his arms that were still in my jacket that hung off his smaller frame. He vibrated under my touch like high voltage electricity flowed through his veins. The tendons in his neck strained as he fought a battle I couldn’t see.

My large hands cupped the cool skin of his cheeks, and I wiped away his tears with my thumbs as they fell. “River,” I exhaled. “You’re okay. You’re here with me. Nothing can hurt you here.” I whispered words of encouragement and platitudes until my knees burned and turned numb. Until the strength it took to hold my arms still, pushed my limits. Slowly but surely, I felt the layers of ice thaw, and his body became pliant under my touch. My heart skipped a beat when he leaned into me, his shallow breaths evening out and his jaw unclenching.

Deep evergreen eyes fluttered, narrowed, and eventually focused on me. River licked his wet lips, tasting his salty tears and shuddered. His lips parted and formed shapes like he wanted to say something, but nothing would come. But the whole time he leaned into me like I was the guide rope leading him out of the darkness and back into the light.

The tip of his tongue touched his top lip, the light pink a contrast to the darker red of his lips. I swallowed, watching intently, hypnotized as it wet the stretched, chapped skin. My breath caught in the back of my throat when he mouthedthank you.

Emotion burned the back of my eyes, and goosebumps littered my skin. I cleared my throat and the ball of emotion that was lodged in it. “I’ll do anything for you.” My voice was strained and thick, but I meant every word. It was a promise. A vow. One I’d hold on to until my last breath.

River’s breath faltered, and if I wasn’t in such proximity to him, I would have missed the way his eyes dropped to my mouth. The intensity of his gaze made the world freeze for a second. My heart stammered and thoughts I had no right to think assaulted my mind. What would it be like to pull him into me? To tease and taste his full lips? To give in to this connection there was between us? It was more than traumas and shared past.

It could be so much more. If only…but no, I couldn’t. There was a major imbalance in the power dynamic between us. River trusted me to care for and protect him, and I refused to take advantage of his fragile situation. If things were different when we’d reconnected, then maybe. But as it stood now, it would only hurt him more, and I’d never forgive myself if I hurt him. I had to protect him from everyone that wanted to hurt him—even myself.

Shaking my head, I dropped my hands like touching him had burned me. Pain lanced across his face, and the walls that he’d dropped quickly rebuilt, strengthened with adamantium as I pulled away and stood. Turning to face the table, I squeezed my hands into fists to hide the fact they were shaking with fear, with want. With the need to touch him and pull him back into my arms.

“Why don’t you go freshen up,” I croaked, feeling raw as I tried to lock down these inappropriate thoughts and feelings. “The bathroom is just down the hall, third door on the right.” River pushed up from the sofa, blankets pooling at his feet. The thud they made when they hit the floor felt like a nail in the coffin of what could have been. “I’ll get you a clean change of clothes and stick it on the counter in there.”

I didn’t hear him leave. He moved like a ghost on light feet, probably trained to not be seen or heard. But I felt him go, like he’d taken half of me with him.

“Fuck!” I grunted and ground the heels of my hands into my burning eyes. “Get your shit together, Bane. This isn’t you. It can’t be.” I coached myself through the turmoil and grabbed the plates, sticking them in the oven to keep warm. I’m sure if I was thinking rationally, I’d have realized it would have been better to toss the cold food and start again after he had a shower, but fuck if my mind was working right now.

By the time I reached the hallway, I could hear the shower running. Compartmentalize. Control. Care. The words ran through my head as I took the stairs three at a time up to my room and threw the door open. I grabbed a tee and another pair of boxers and sweats for River, not sparing a glance at the door of what would become his room just across the hall from mine. Was it tempting fate? Maybe, but I was strong. Strong enough to ignore the way his shattered green orbs called to me.

I could do this. I could. I had to. There was no other option, because I refused to hand River’s care or safety over to anyone else. I hadn’t told him the full story when we left the station yesterday, which was maybe for the best because Montoya confirmed my worst fears when she updated me while frying the bacon. River’s friends were gone, taken from the hostel we’d placed them in during the night.

Around one a.m., firefighters evacuated the building after a fire broke out. Preliminary reports hinted at arson, as they found an accelerant in the external electrical box where the fire originated. After a final headcount, it was determined that Dale, Max, and Gabe were gone. CCTV was no help, as it had mysteriously malfunctioned in the surrounding blocks.

You didn’t need to be a genius to work out there was a lot more going on than a simple fire. River now had a target on his back, one bigger than the one he already had when we took him into custody. I needed to speak with Bower to arrange for someone to watch the house and check over my security system.

After leaving the clothes on the counter as promised, I put a load of wash on, adding my uniform to it before slipping on the jeans and hoodie I’d left in the dryer the day before. Back in the kitchen, I busied myself with tossing out the rubbery eggs and started on a fresh batch. The butter sizzled in the pan as I cracked and stirred the eggs in. Focusing on small, simple tasks helped me regain control over my wandering thoughts so I could approach everything logically. That’s what I needed to do right now—take it one logical step at a time.

The sound of a chair scraping on the tiled floor clued me in to River’s arrival, along with the cloud of steam that followed him in. I glanced over my shoulder, loving the sight of him in my clothes far more than I should. He sat with his head in his hands, drops of water sliding down the still damp dark strands of hair covering his face as he stared at the countertop.

“Here.” I slid a fresh plate across the counter, only turning to look at him fully when I asked, “Coffee or orange juice?” I held both in my hands as I waited for him to look up at me, and when he did, my heart swooped in my chest.

River tilted his head to the side and chewed on his bottom lip, indecision written all over his face. I huffed a laugh and set the coffee down next to his plate. “How about both?” A smiletransformed his features before he dropped his head to look intently at his steaming plate of food.

After plating my breakfast and grabbing cutlery, we ate in near silence. River inhaled his in the time it took me to eat a slice of toast. I chuckled when he pushed his plate away and rubbed his stomach. Without thinking, I pushed my plate across to him and nodded when he glanced up at me through his thick lashes.

“Have at it. I’m good.” I swallowed the last mouthful of coffee, rinsed my cup, and set it in the sink. “Are you finished adding stuff to the basket?” River hummed around a forkful of bacon, refusing to meet my eyes. But nothing he did could hide the blush staining his cheeks. “Cool. I’ll get it ordered now.”

River nodded, focusing on his food as I headed to the living room, the sound of cutlery against porcelain the only sound in my home. I hoped one day it would be filled with the sound of River’s voice, his laugh, his dreams. Today was not that day, but I was a patient man. I settled on the couch and opened the laptop, intrigued by what he’d selected, and quietly hoping it would give me insight into who he was and what he liked.

That excitement died when I saw what he had added to the basket. It was all black, and consisted only of the bare necessities. One pair of sneakers and boots. Two pairs of jeans and sweats. A couple of tees, a henley, and a hoodie. A black biker jacket that made me wonder once again if he’d like going out on my bike, but now wasn’t the time to approach anything like that. River needed to trust me, to feel safe with me before I took him out on my Hammerhead. The more I worked through his basket, the tighter my chest felt. Surely he needed more than two of everything. One set to wear, and one to wash?

“He can always get more,” I muttered as I filled in the payment details and selected the option to pick it up in store. While that was processing, I grabbed my phone and chuckled when I saw a text from Montoya.

Montoya

I can’t believe you get to have a week away from this shit!!!

Me

It’s only to help River acclimate and make sure he’s safe here, especially after the other guys from the raid are now MIA.

Me

The target on his back just got bigger.

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