Page 12 of The Lies We Believe

River shivered beside me and wrapped his arms around himself, creating a barrier between him and the world. He hid his hands in the long sleeves of my hoodie, the sight making my heart squeeze. He looked like a younger, more innocent version of himself.

“Here.” I placed my jacket around his shoulders as we made our way to my work car. Usually, I rode my bike, but today I’d felt like taking the old sedan I’d recently fixed up. I guess I knew why now. Some might even call it fate.

Eyes squinted against the glare from the sun, he peeked up at me through thick dark lashes and offered me a small smile.

“Here we are,” I said, stepping up to the car and opening the passenger door for him. Stupefied, River blinked at me in confusion. “You’re coming home with me.”

Head tilted to the side, he stared at me for a beat. His lips parted like he was going to say something, but he shook his head instead. I protected the top of his head as he slipped in and collapsed back into the leather seat. I clipped his seat belt in place and gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze before I hopped over the hood and got in the driver’s seat.

As the engine rumbled to life, my eyes were automatically drawn to River like he’d disappear if they weren’t constantly on him. One thing I’d noticed was River was perpetually cold. He didn’t seem to notice his teeth chattering away, as if he was accustomed to it. Not under my watch.

I turned up the heating as I backed out of my parking space and hit Main Street. “It’ll warm up soon, I promise,” I said lightly. His forest-green eyes flicked to me before sliding away and focusing out of the window. Trying not to be perturbed, I kept talking. “I thought it would be a good idea to hit upWalmart and get you some things of your own. You know, so you feel comfortable.”

River shrugged in the periphery of my vision as I kept my eyes on the road, allowing a comfortable silence to settle between us. I didn’t want to push him or make him feel uncomfortable by being too in his face. The after-work rush caused congestion on the roads, and heavy foot traffic filled the sidewalk as people filed out of offices and into bars and restaurants. I enjoyed city life, but nothing beat the open road with the wind in my hair and nowhere to go. I wondered what River would think of going out on my Buell Hammerhead.

By the time we reached the limits of Echoes Hollow, I was boiling. Sweat dripped down the back of my neck, and my shirt clung to my shoulders. Dusk had finally settled, the sky a blanket of darkness swallowing the last embers of color from the sun. The street lights flickered on as I pulled into a spot right at the front of Walmart. River was curled up into a little ball on the seat next to me, sleeping restlessly. I didn’t know whether to let him sleep or wake him up. He startled awake as I debated what to do, solving the problem for me.

“We’re here,” I stated the obvious and rolled my eyes at myself, nerves skittering across my skin. River blinked the sleep away from his blood-shot eyes, unfolded himself slowly and looked around us, taking everything in before the weight of his gaze landed on me. “You ready?”

River’s teeth scraped over the cracked skin on his bottom lip, chewing it as he seemed to think about his response. I rolled my keys in my hand and looked out the windshield while I waited for him to decide if he was up for this. I knew from what he’d told me that Dahlia hadn’t allowed him out of the room she kept him in, other than when he saw clients. And even then, they led him down dark corridors and into an underground parking lot before placing him in a van he couldn’t see out of.

So having the freedom to walk into a store would undoubtedly be a nerve-racking experience, but one I hoped he’d take on. I had spent my walk back from Bower’s office wondering if this was the right thing to do. We didn’t know if anyone was looking for River or the guys he came in with, but as the three of them were still at the hostel, I decided it was a calculated risk.

The sound of the handle being pulled back yanked me out of my thoughts just as the passenger door cracked open. A smile lifted the corner of my lips as I got out to meet him on the sidewalk. Shoulders hunched halfway up his head, River looked like he was reinforcing the walls he surrounded himself with as he fell into step beside me. I tried not to take it personally, because this was a lot for him, and I knew that. I just had to remind myself of that fact more times than I had expected.

“Do you want to push the cart?” I asked as the doors opened with a whoosh and the blinding lights of the store bore down on us as we meandered inside. The hum of the air conditioning whirled, and the chatter of other shoppers seemed louder than it ever had as I led us toward the homeware section.

River shuffled closer to me, using me as a shield as we passed couples and families with boisterous children. He seemed skittish and uncomfortable as a little boy ran right toward him like he couldn’t even see River. Luckily, his mother grabbed the back of his shirt before he crashed right into River, but the damage was done.

“I’m so sorry.” She chuckled and hefted the unruly little boy onto her hip. “He’s on a sugar high. His grandma filled him with so much candy, I don’t think he’ll sleep tonight.”

“No problem,” I said softly as River tried to melt into my side. My arm automatically wrapped around his shoulders. “Hope he lets you get some sleep, ma’am.” She smiled at me but eyed Rivercautiously before shaking her head and walking back to who I could only assume was her husband and daughter.

“How about you pick out some towels and bed sheets you like? Maybe a blanket or two as well,” I said as I moved us along down onto a quieter aisle as a violent shudder rolled through River. “Hey.” I turned him in my arms so I could cup his face in my hands. The stark contrast of his pale skin against my large dark hands was a stark reminder of the abyss that stretched between us. It made me ache for the healthy golden glow it had when I met him. “Are you okay? Do you want to leave?”

Wide green eyes looked at me through steel shutters. Soft pants punched through his dry lips as his fingers sunk into my forearms to the point of pain, like he needed the contact between us to stop from shattering completely, and reminding him we were here and it was real. A single tear slipped down his cheek, and his beautiful eyes closed before his head crashed into my chest.

Protected and encircled in my arms, River broke. I tightened my hold around him as his shoulders shook. Full body tremors rolled through him with enough force to make my knees weak. Tears soaked through my shirt over my thudding heart, slicking my skin with his pain. I didn’t know how long we stood there as I tried to fight back the demons that stalked him, but without knowing his full truth, all I could do was be a bystander to his torment.

Pulling back from my chest, River looked up at me through water-logged lashes, the whites of his eyes spider-webbed with burst blood vessels. A stuttered gasp wrenched out of him, and his bloodied lips quivered. I didn’t need to hear his voice to hear his plea.

His knees buckled just as I tucked my arm under them and hauled him to my chest. Abandoning the cart in the middle of the aisle, I marched out of the store like I’d set it on fire andheaded for the car. River was nearly catatonic by the time the first drop of rain fell.

CHAPTER 6

RIVER

Icould feel myself splintering under the store’s bright lights. Oh god, the oppressive noise. The children. The air conditioning. The sound of the voice over the tannoy speaker. It was too much. Too loud. Too busy. Too everything.

For years, I’d longed to escape the walls of my cage, but now I craved them. Even contained and restrained as I was, I knew who I was. But now, I was lost in the open waters and sinking fast. I needed darkness and isolation. Silence. I could handle pain—I’d endured it for years. But life? That was too much.

Cold air pricked my skin as I sunk into the darkness as I slowly shut down, cutting off the world that was paralyzing me. My heart hammered so hard that it was permanently etched into my bones. Tears carved their way down my cheeks as inhales and exhales sawed their way out of my lungs.

“It’s okay, angel. I’ve got you.”

A whimper caught in the back of my throat, choking me as his soft words whispered in my ear. Was I flying or sinking? I couldn’t tell. But I was moving, and moving fast, until the slam of the car door granted me blessed silence.

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, River. It was a stupid idea.” I wanted to reach out to him. To reassure him it wasn’t his fault,it was mine. I was the broken one, the one who couldn’t act like a normal person no matter how much I tried. I’d been conditioned into a being that wasn’t human.

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