Page 17 of A Sudden Response

“It’s my wife’s vibrator. She must have left it out on the floor. I came in here to take a shower and slipped and landed on it. I tried to pull it out, but I can’t reach it,” he rambled on.

“I see,” Eric said, and Joe could tell that he was struggling just as hard as she was not to laugh. She’d learned that laughing at patients was bad her first year on the job. It could set them off into violence, a shouting match, or worse, a write-up. “So, um, you slipped on the floor and landed on it, causing it to impale you?” Eric asked in his most professional tone, making it harder for her not to laugh.

“Yes, that’s exactly what happened,” Sean said, sounding relieved that they were at least pretending to buy his story.

“Can you stand up?” Joe asked.

Sean shook his head. “No, it’s eight inches long. Every time I try to stand up it hurts.”

Eight inches, pretty impressive, Joe thought as she debated how they were going to move him.

“Please don’t tell my wife,” Sean whispered hoarsely.

“Our only concern right now is getting you to the hospital. What you tell your wife is your business,” Eric said casually, but she didn’t miss the humor in his eyes.

“Do you think...do you think that one of you could possibly get it out?” Sean asked, sounding hopeful.

Eric threw her a horrified look as he shook his head frantically and she had to agree. There just wasn’t enough money on earth to make her want to put her fingers up some guy’s ass and retrieve an eight-inch vibrator. Nope, not going to happen.

“I’m sorry, sir, but we can’t extricate something embedded in your body,” Joe said smoothly, inwardly thanking OEMS for that rule. The only time they were allowed to remove something from the body was if it was blocking the airway. Since his ass wasn’t required to breathe, they were good.

“I understand,” Sean mumbled. “Can we go now?”

“We have a few options here, Sean. We can get you back into your pants to protect your privacy-”

“That’s fine. Please, let’s just get going. I want to get the most embarrassing event of my life over with,” he said, panting.

“Okay,” Eric said, nodding. “We’re going to help you stand. Then, one of us will help you pull your pants up.”

“I can’t stand up,” Sean pointed out.

“You can remain bent over, but you should be able to use your legs to stand. We’ll help you take it slow,” Joe promised.

“Okay,” Sean said around a small whimper.

Without a word, they moved into position and carefully helped Sean stand up by pulling him up by his arms. Once theyhad him standing, they glared across his back at each other. Eric gestured with his eyes for her to get the pants, but Joe adamantly shook her head. He gestured again, harder this time. Nope, wasn’t going to happen.

“Eric, I’ll hold him so that you can help him with his pants,” Joe said, giving him a shit-eating grin. Yup, she’d trapped him into it, but she wasn’t feeling guilty about it. Not even a little bit and definitely not after this weekend.

Mouthing “Brat” at her, Eric reached down and grabbed Sean’s pants.

“Hurry, please!” Sean said, sounding like he was in a lot of pain.

“Sir, is this hurting you?” Joe asked, wondering if they should get the stair chair in here instead.

“Not exactly,” came the murmured response as Eric got into position with the pants.

“Step into them,” Eric said, adjusting his hold on the pants as Sean carefully raised one foot and slid it inside his pants before he did the same with the other. When he began panting, Eric shot Joe a questioning look as he pulled the pants up. He moved to stand up just as Sean released a loud groan that could only mean one thing.

Joe bit her lip to stop herself from laughing as Eric quickly turned his head away, making choking sounds. Sean seemed oblivious to it as his groan turned into a loud moan. Joe glanced down at her pants and boots, making sure that he hadn’t just made a deposit on her. If he had, they were going in the trash. It was one thing to get puked on or bled on for this job, but quite another to have some guy with a sex toy fetish come on her shoes. She sighed with relief when she spotted the white mess on the bathroom floor between his feet.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to,” Sean said, panting softly.

“Don’t worry about it,” Joe said, knowing Eric was beyond speaking at the moment. He threw the bag over his shoulder and grabbed Sean’s other arm.

“Time to do the shuffle.”

CHAPTER 8

---