Page 81 of Sinful Betrayal

19

NINA

How the hellam I meant to tell Anton the truth about who I am? Should I write him a letter? Leave it in a voicemail? Blurt it out in the middle of sex to soften the blow?

My mind is racing, and I feel so nauseous that I have to sit down in the shower and put my head between my knees to try and stop myself from throwing up.

The thought of losing Anton is unbearable. My heart feels like it’s being ripped out of my chest, and I silently sob as I picture the look on his face when he finds out who I am. Who I’ve been this entire time.

He deserves so much better than me.

I sit on the floor of the shower until the water runs cold. Even then I don’t get up straight away.

The cold water helps to clear my head a little, so I continue to sit under the waterfall shower until my skin turns purple with cold. Only then do I emerge, wrapping a fluffy towel around my shivering body, and go in search of some pajamas.

Dressed in a pair of flannel pajama pants and an oversized jumper, I head downstairs toward the kitchen to get something to eat.

I’m hoping that Anton has decided to go and work in his office so I can avoid him for a while longer, but I find the kitchen door closed and Anton’s voice filtering through.

It seems I never learn as I lean against the door listening.

I place a hand over my mouth to muffle my cry of surprise as Alexei says someone is accusing Lev of killing Alexei’s parents.

There’s no way Lev could have done this.

But then again, how well do I really know Lev?

Growing up, my father always made sure that I was never around Lev long enough to form a proper bond with him.

I barely knew him, and what I did know vanished after his accident.

He defied my father’s orders and paid the price and will likely be paying it for the rest of his life.

He experiences blackouts where he remembers nothing.

My father used my safety as an excuse not to let me see him, but I never bought it. He didn’t want me to learn that he was the one who did this to Lev, but I’m not stupid. I saw the fear in Lev’s eyes whenever he looked at my father.

You don’t forget seeing fear like that.

I always wished it had been different with Lev. I used to believe that we would be able to have a proper sibling bond. I caredabout him in a way I never cared for Maxim, and when my father kept him away, I always vowed that I would fight for him.

He was my brother after all.

When I was fifteen, I reached out to Lev, and we reconnected, mostly over our hatred toward our father. But it was a connection that we both craved. We were the only true family each other had, and I was grateful to be there during his bad days.

I even managed to convince him to get professional help and for a short time, I thought things would finally work out. That one day, Lev and I would be able to cut ourselves off from our father and start again, somewhere far away from this life.

But then, without warning, Lev cut me out of his life, and I haven’t seen or heard from him since. That was years ago, and I always wondered what happened to him. I still do.

Could it be possible that Lev killed Anton’s aunt and uncle during one of these blackouts?

The thought makes me sick to my stomach.

I think I’ve had enough of listening in on people’s conversations for one day.

I turn my back on the kitchen door and head back upstairs to my room to wait for Anton to finish his call.

Perching on the edge of my bed, I reach for my phone, where it’s charging on my bedside table, and scroll through the pictures of my father’s contacts until I come to Lev’s name.

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