Page 85 of Forgiving Fate

Grabbing my cards off the table, I sit back and meet his gaze. “Well, it sounds amazing. I’d love to see it someday.”

Landon nods and I can see his mind is somewhere else, but he quickly clears whatever it is and motions for me to begin the next game.

We go back and forth winning games, the questions being much lighter.

What’s your favorite color? Landon, light blue. Me, purple.

What is your favorite time of the year? Me, fall, just as the leaves begin to change color. Landon, spring because he loves the rain.

When is your birthday? Landon, April 13th. Me, August 1st.

After countless simple questions and Landon going on a three win winning streak, I drop my cards on the table in a huff and scowl.

Landon laughs and grabs my cards. “What’s the matter Allie? Sad you’re losing your title of Uno Queen?”

Crossing my arms over my chest, I say, “Nope. The title is still mine. Go ahead with your stupid question.”

Landon sets the deck of cards on the table and shoots me a look that tells me this next question will not be as simple as the others. “How far do you want to go to escape your mind and him? And how much of that involves you and I?”

Shit. I knew this was coming. I knew this morning was going to leave him with questions.

Scrubbing my hands down my face, I don’t allow myself to think too much because if I am being honest with myself, I want to feel that escape again. I want to dive headfirst and care about the consequences and repercussions later.

“All I know is that I want that feeling of peace. Kissing you made me forget for a moment and right now, I can feel myself slipping into a place that I do not want to go. We once were strangers and now we are some odd definition of friends. I know it’s selfish and could ruin everything, but any chance I can get to not slip into a state that I know I may not come back from, I want to dive head first in.” My words trail off as I try to find a way to say my next words.

Landon’s full attention is on me and I know by the look on his face, he is desperate to feel the silence, just like I am. But I’m not blind and I know this isn’t healthy, but even through the pain, I want to help him.

So I close my eyes and take a deep breath before saying the few words that could throw this all down the drain.

I can do this.

The strength and confidence finally finds me and I open my eyes and straighten my spine, my gaze finding his. “This entire ordeal may be selfish and I am willing to risk everything, but there is one thing I will not do and I need you to promise me that this will be the one thing you abide by in this arrangement.”

Landon sits up straight and nods at me to continue.

“I will not touch you, and you will not touch me if you are drunk. I am willing to be used as a tactic to help cure the craving because, let’s be honest, you are gorgeous.” Landon smirks and rests his hands in his lap, his heated gaze never leaving mine.

“It’s no secret that I will be using you just as much as you will be me. Maybe me more than you. But I will not, under any circumstances, touch you if you come to me drunk. I’m not saying that you can’t come to me drunk to sleep it off or talk things out, but I will nothing with you beyond a hug if you are. I know that is hard, but I think it could be…good for you.”

Landon stares at me and I can see the shock on his face. I know he is doubting everything because I basically gave him an ultimatum, but I don’t care. I may need him and his gorgeous tattooed hands on me, but not when he is three sheets to the wind.

Watching him, I can see the gears turning in his head. I can’t even imagine what kind of unknown I’m asking him to walk blindly into, but the facts are clear. I need to not feelhishands on me. Landon needs to quiet the voices in his head. And Landon needs to make a change before his body fights back against the silent killer that he is feeding it every day.

I am looking down at my cards when movement catches my eye and I look up to see Landon holding out his pinky.

“I promise I will never touch you after I drink. I fucked up one time and that will never happen again. I cannot promise to not be a wreck, because I don’t remember the last time I went a day without a drink. If we are going to do this, I need you to understand that I will be knocking at your door at odd hours of the night because that’s when my mind decides to play puppeteer with itself. So if this is really happening, we need to make a mutual agreement that we come to each other when it gets too dark, but we respect each other and if it gets to be too much, we stop. Promise?”

Not wanting to risk talking myself out of this plan that could end in devastation, I link my pinky to his.

Landon squeezes my pinky in his as a smile spreads across his face before he pulls away.

“What’s that look for?” I ask.

Landon huffs in laughter and drops the smile, giving me a straight face. “Nothing. Just that I must be a good kisser for you to want to spend even more time with me and eventually take a trip to my bed.” As the words leave his mouth, his facade drops and he tips his head back in laughter.

Turning around, I grab and pillow from the couch and throw it straight at his face and he falls back to the ground in a fit of laughter.

“I will not be making any trips anywhere if you say that shit again. What are you? A college kid trying to get some at a frat party?” I can’t contain my laughter and squeeze my side while Landon continues to laugh on the ground.

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