Page 82 of Forgiving Fate

Her breathing slows, and I feel her drift off to sleep. Before I realize what I’m doing, I press my lips lightly to her head and say, “Sweet dreams, Allie girl.”

Allie presses her face further into my neck as if she is trying to block out everything and I tighten my arms around her.

Once again, I am reminded that pain is often invisible, and we truly never know how deep the scars are until come face to face with the demons threatening to destroy us in any way they can.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Allie

Sunlight streams brightly throughthe window. I turn to bury my face in my pillow, but instead I‘m met with something hard.

My eyes fly open and I see Landon laying on his back with his arm draped over his face, completely shirtless. And that’s not the most shocking part of it all. It’s the fact that my body is wrapped around him like a damn spider monkey clinging to a tree.

What the hell is going on right now?

I close my eyes for a moment, and last night’s events replay in my mind.

Stabbing Landon. His blood ruining my mattress. Landon convincing me to stay at his place.

But how did I end up in his arms? I close my eyes, and then it hits me.

My dream. Hishands on me.Hisconstant lies.

Screaming. My hand burning as the stitches rip open. The undeniable need to feel hands on me that were nothis. The feel of Landon holding me tightly and the pain drifting away like a paper floating in the wind.

Suddenly,hisface blankets my vision and I want to scream, but I don’t. His green, almost yellow eyes glare into my soul, and his face spreads into his signature grin. Goosebumps spread across my arms and my heart stops as the feeling of someone grabbing my arm in a vise grip overtakes my entire body.

All I can see ishim. All I can hear is the haunting laugh that always clued me in that something was about to happen. I feelhishands on me and I want to scream.

No! This is a dream. He’s not real. He’s dead.

Open your eyes Allie.

My chest tightens and I feel like my throat is closing, as if someone is holding my throat in a grip so tight I am seconds from passing out.

“Open your eyes, Allie Girl. He’s not here.”

My eyes fly open and see Landon staring down at me. He flashes me a smile. “You’re safe, okay?”

I nod and try to slow my breathing, but the anxiety is now replaced with frustration. I hate feelinghishands on me. I hate hearinghisvoice. I hate feeling this excruciating pain. I just want it to all go away.

Landon’s hand moves to loop with my pinky that rests on his chest. He stares down at me and the concern is evident on his face. I know he is about to ask me if I’m okay or to talk about it and I ready myself to give the same generic answer I have been giving for months.

I’m fine.

He clears his throat, tightens his pinky around mine, and says, “I’m not going to ask you if you’re okay, because that is a stupid question. And I know you will just follow it with I’m fine when you are the furthest from fine. So instead, I am going to ask you this instead. What do you need? How can I take the pain away, even if it’s just for a second? What can I do? Do you want me toleave? Because I can. I just wanted you to wake up feeling safe for…yeah.”

Taking a deep breath, “I don’t want you to leave.”

My shoulders deflate and I shift my focus to his tattoos as I think of answers to his questions. But the silence isn’t long because Landon continues, but I don’t hear a word he says. My mind is consumed with trying to find a way to escape.

What can he do? How can he fix it? How can he make it so I never feelhishands on me again? How can he make me forget the pain thathecaused? How can I just forget who I am for a single moment and pretend I am not this shell of a human floating through the day?

My mind comes up with a thousand and one ways, but none of them truly silence everything. I am about to give up, and that’s when my eyes zero in on the word written on Landon’s arm.

Overleve.

The answer hits me like a high-speed collision and my cheeks heat with embarrassment at the idea forming in my head. But as the seconds tick on and on, I allow myself to become present in the moment, and the idea doesn’t seem as crazy. Or maybe it is and I’m just out of options?

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