Page 59 of Forgiving Fate

“I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“I know. I know. I promise I know. Can I please see it?”

She thinks about it for a moment and I watch as shivers take over her drenched body. Her wet hair sticking to the sides of her face. The steady stream of blood seems to have stopped and most of it has drained down.

As she turns her wrist towards me, I see a cut at the base of her hand into her wrist. It doesn’t look nearly as bad as I thought it would. And a big part of me is happy it doesn’t look like the markings I’ve seen so often in the past.

I can see now that the water from the shower was making the scene in front of me look way worse than it is.

But that isn’t saying much. She is still sitting in a tub, freezing, staring at her wrist, and I don’t know if I should touch her.

What the hell do I do?

Think Landon think.

I glance around the room and see a folded pile of towels. I know from when Logan was living here, she had a first aid kit in here somewhere.

I turn back to Allie. “We need to get you out of the tub. You’re freezing and we need to bandage your wrist. I’m going to swap out these towels since they are already soaked. I need to get you, but if at any time you don’t want me touching you, tell me and we will readjust. Then I’m going to bandage your cut so it’s safe while we get you changed and to the doctor. Or if you think you can, I will be here to help. Is that okay?”

She lets out a breath and nods. I see the resolve drift across her face and can tell she is choosing to give in.

Discarding the damp towels and draping the new ones over her, Igently place my hands right below her shoulder blades, near her armpits, and try to guide her to stand. She slowly rises, but I grip her shoulders to steady her.

“You okay?” I ask.

She nods.

Now to figure out how I’m going to get her out of the tub. I don’t want her to be uncomfortable and lift her out, but if she falls and smacks her face off the side of the tub, that won’t be good either.

Allie seems to think the same thing as she looks down and examines the predicament we are in. Her eyes drift up to mine, and I give her a slight nod.

Whatever she needs me to do, I will do. She stares at me for a moment and I take a deep breath.

“Allie. Can I lift you out of the tub and place you right back down on the rug in front of the sink? You can say no, and I will help you lift your legs, but you are shaking and I really don’t want you to fall.”

Her eyes cast down to her shaking legs, then to her wrist, and when they finally make their way back up to meet mine, my heart breaks. I can see the waves of pain crashing in her eyes, and I know she must be exhausted.

An overwhelming sense of need to protect her and never let anything happen to her again consumes all of my senses, but I tamper it down and search her eyes for an answer. Allie’s eyes cast down once more and then she nods.

Not wanting to misinterpret her answer, I ask, “I can pick you up?”

She nods again.

I place one arm behind her legs and the other on her back and gently cradle her to my chest. Instantly, her cold, damp clothes shock my body as she curls into herself and hides her face in my chest.

My heart breaks once again for her and then I hear a tiny sob break free from her and I feel my heart shatter. The words leave my mouth before I can stop them as hug her slightly closer to my chest, “Oh, sweetheart. I am so freaking sorry.”

Another sob escapes from her and I know I should put her down, but how can I when she is breaking apart in my arms?

She tries to speak, but it’s all jumbled by the tears clogging her throat. “It’s okay. I know. You don’t have to say a word.”

Allie nods against my chest and Isituate us so that I am leaning against the counter. I need to look at her hand and get her out of these clothes that are now soaking me to the bone, but I can’t. I somehow have become the person, her safe space in which she allows herself to feel and right now she is feeling the weight of the world.

Seconds, minutes, hours, who knows, pass by before Allie moves and I know she must be feeling the pain now. Slowly, I set her down on her feet, my hands hovering near her arms in case she gets dizzy.

Allie’s uninjured hand goes to wipe the last tear cascading down her face away, and I can see the mask slipping back into place.

She needs to get out of the wet clothes and a bandage on her hand, but I know I probably have pushed her miles past her comfort zone, so I have no idea what to do.

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