Page 39 of Forgiving Fate

Smart Allie.

“I can hear you breathing rapidly.” Robot Landon is back in play, but I hear him mutter something under his breath.

I try to calm myself down, but the never ending panic of how I’m going to just move on and live life like nothing happened is weighing down on me. My mind drifts to the dark place that tells me why even try? I shake my head to clear those thoughts.

Minutes tick by, and I focus on the rumbling of Landon’s truck and his breathing. I have no idea why but latching onto something that is real and not just a dream or figment of my imagination is taking me out of that grimy basement, and seems to be the only thing that allows my breathing to slow.

“Allie. Are you okay?” Landon’s voice is much softer this time.

I nod once again like he can see me and I force myself to say, “Yeah.” It comes out void of emotion, but it’s all I have.

I hear rustling before he says, “So uh..do you still want to go or–”

Cutting off his rambling, I say, “I don’t have money for any of this Landon. I don’t remember the last time I saw my damn debit card, let alone ifheleft me anything in my accounts. That man was on a warpath, and I have no idea how much destructionheleft inhiswake.” Taking a breath, I continue, the words flying out before I can stop them. “I don’t have a job. I left them high and dry. They probably fired my ass and I will never be able to work with kids again. Not that I will ever be able to go back to work because—”

“Allie!” Landon says abruptly, cutting off my words.

My chest rises and falls rapidly and I stare down at the phone.

“Can I come inside, please?” He asks, his voice soft.

My head darts to the door and then down my body. After I checked everything, I changed into one of the outfits I had in the bag of clothing Landon had brought on the trip. I make sureone of my breasts isn’t hanging out and that I am completely covered.

I don’t even want to see myself, so I know Landon definitely doesn’t want to see anything.

Hanging up the phone, I toss the fluffy blanket off. My feet hit the cold floor and I make my way over to the door. My hand reaches out for the handle and I hesitate.

This man has been stuck with me for way longer than he should have and now he is here trying to help me more. Why? Part of me wonders if he wants something from me. But the moment those thoughts cross my mind, a pang in my gut says otherwise.

Leaning my head against the door, I let out a breath and say, “He would have done something already. He wouldn’t offer if he didn’t want to. Logan wouldn’t put you in another dangerous situation. You are fine.”

I take another deep breath and attempt to clear my mind of the thousands of horrible memories threatening to smother me at any given time.

Typing the code into the door, I hear the locks disengage, and I pull down on the handle. Taking a step back so I can open the door, the bright sun hits me and the brisk fall air sends a shiver down my spine.

As my eyes adjust to the light, I see Landon leaning against a gray truck. His beanie is pulled down over his head and he has trimmed his facial hair since last night. He is wearing a black flannel with a black tee underneath and jeans. As I memorize his outfit in case this day goes south, my eyes make my way back up to his face, and I see he is staring at me.

His deep blues meet mine and for just a moment, I see a level of pain that I haven’t seen before. Almost like he accidentally let his mask slip for a brief second, leaving me to see maybe he has an ounce of understanding. I’ve noticed it before whenhe stepped in to mediate between Logan and I but this is new. This is different and I can’t put my finger on exactly what has changed.

Part of me wants to ask him if he is okay, but I can’t. I’m selfish. I can’t be the kind person I once was because I can barely handle my own shit, let alone anyone else’s.

Landon kicks off the truck and makes his way towards me, stopping a few feet in front of the door. His hands go to his pockets and he looks down at the ground before meeting my eyes.

“Thanks.”

I nod.

“Sorry for cutting you off. I know that was a dickhead move, but I didn’t know what else to do.”

Unsure what to say to that, I shrug and fold my arms around myself.

“We can discuss this as much as you want later. I have it all handled. But I want to get on the road if that’s okay with you? I have a guy meeting me at a car shop right outside of Seattle. It’s his day off, so I promised him I would get him in and out as quickly as I can. And the phone company already knows we are coming, so it shouldn’t take too long if we get there before the crowd comes in from people on their lunch break.”

My mind continues asking a million and one questions but not saying a single one. So I settle on the easiest. “How?”

Landon kicks a rock and levels his gaze with me, shooting me the most sincere look I have ever seen. “Because you are Logan’s best friend, meaning you are family. And you don’t let your family drown.”

I can’t help myself and roll my eyes. Leaning against the door frame, an unexpected burst of anger hits me. “You don’t owe me anything. I am not a charity case. Your family barely knows meand has already tried to give me everything without asking me if I wanted any of it.”

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