Page 4 of Forgiving Fate

How did I gethere? Who am I?

Those are the two questions I seem to ask myself a lot lately.

I guess for me to answer that question, I have to look at what started it all. And I’m not sure. Was it Eliza’s death or does it go back to my mom? Two brave women that fought against men that were out to destroy them. But their stories went in two very different directions.

Eliza’s story ended in tragedy. Since then, my brothers and I have been trying not to let it live in the dark abyss like so many others do. She is the reason we started this with hopes it would keep it from happening to so many others. But on the occasions we can’t stop it before it does, we give the opportunity to seek revenge, even if we have to do it ourselves.

Maybe when we started this, I was naive about what it would become. I kept my head down and focused on the mission. And then the next.

Now here I am years later, far from the man I used to be. I wish I could say I grew into a better person who I could be proud of, but that is far from the truth.

The man sitting here now is not someone I recognize. But to my family, the rest of the world, and maybe even this woman sitting next to me as I drive this winding New York road, I am Landon. Brother, friend, coworker, and stranger that is bringing her across the country to the only person she has left.

But the answer isn’t as simple as that. Just like life isn’t black and white. It’s an array of colors mixing and colliding to form a unique blend that is different for every person. And just like the seasons change, so does that color. Some days it’s darker, and some days it’s brighter. Mine just so happens to be stuck in gray. Dark gray like the clouds that blanket everything in a torrential downpour, the water sweeping away all those that can’t find their footing in this thing we call life.

So the question of how did I get here? Who am I? The answer for me seems to be lost in the water threatening to consume me and swallow me whole. But the thing about rain is that it does eventually clear. The water recedes, the waves settle, the sun shines, the birds soar high in the sky, but that doesn’t erase the destruction that hides beneath.

My chest tightens, breaking me out of my thoughts and back to the present. A fire spreads up my spine and I grip the steering wheel.

No, not now,Landon, I beg myself.

I bite the inside of my cheek to distract myself from the burning pain racing through my body.

And when I slightly dull the ache, I steal a glance over at Allie and find her staring out the window, lost in the sea of trees as we make our way towards the airport.

Shame hits me hard. I’m sitting here selfishly lost in my own thoughts and right next to me sits a woman that has gone through something no one should ever have to endure.

That’s because you ARE a selfish asshole.

My hands grip the steering wheel once again at the incessant voice in my head and push it away.

I glance at the GPS on the dashboard and read that we still have a few hours until we get to the airport. I booked the tickets to give us plenty of time in case we ran into any problems along the way.

Allie sitting alone on the curb shocked me. I expected to see someone with her. She briefly gave us an explanation when she called and told us where she was. She didn’t give too many details except that a man named Alec found her sleeping in a shed.

On the plane to New York, I attempted to search for anything I could find on this man that found her. I exhausted every resource I could to find him, but it was like he didn’t exist. I planned on running facial recognition if I saw him, but that all went out the window when I saw her sitting alone on the curb.

This isn’t my field. I don’t go to the victims. I find them, send my brothers in after them, and occasionally help with getting the fucker that caused them harm. Grayson is the one with the soft, approachable mannerisms. Not me. He has an ability to speak to them in a way that makes them trust a man for a brief moment to get them to safety.

I find the victims, execute a mission, set them up with financial security and any help they could need. I don’t have the ability to communicate in a way that will get them to willingly trust a complete stranger.

But here I am and I wish it was Gray or Noah. Not that I don’t want to be here for Allie, but I am not what she needs.

I had no idea what to say when I got out of the car and froze. I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t a woman huddled in a ball on a curb. And after I stupidly asked her name, her light blue eyes locked onto mine, I froze again.

For the first time since my brothers and I started this, I saw pain in someone’s eyes. Pain so cataclysmic it shined bright through her eyes. But it was only there for a moment before she blinked and turned away.

It shocked me so much that I had to sit down for a moment. And the second I did, the voices in my head sang so loudly that I had to press my thumbs into my temples to quiet them.

Once they did, I reminded myself why I was there. I replayed the last thing Logan said to me before I left.

She pulled me into a hug and whispered in my ear, “Don’t panic. You did everything you could. You did your job. The last task is to bring her back here safely. I trust you, but just be slow and gentle. I know you can do this. Just be yourself.”

At that moment, I promised her I would bring her best friend back safely. And I intend to do just that.

Logan’s words sent panic through me, but I pushed it away until the moment I was sitting on the curb. I didn’t know this town and with how quickly things can change, we needed to get out of there.

So, I focus on my task and push everything out of my head.

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