Page 111 of Forgiving Fate

This is what he said.

“Two individuals that are known to be fixers and are also in the beginning stages of healing should not be together, even ina friend's capacity, until they can confidently stand alone for a moment.

I do not want you to reach out to her until you can prove to me and yourself that you are not reaching out to cling onto a relationship that was built by two people using each other to cope with matters that are far bigger than any sane person could handle.

Allie needs to know that when you reach out, it is not the old you, it’s the new you. The sober you. The guy who wants to be a better man for himself, but also a man than can be the friend that she needs.

Until you can do those two things, you cannot reach out to her because just like you are on your path to healing, so is she.”

Here we are. Weeks later and even though it hurts like hell, I can see what life can be like being sober. I am far from healed, but Dr. AJ can see the progress, so he has finally allowed me to reach out.

There is truly no reason for this letter other than to tell you I miss you and I hope you are okay. Whatever that may look like.

Until I met you, I never understood the gravity of what the term I miss you means. I feel like it is an absentminded phrase that is said to someone that you haven’t seen in an undetermined amount of time. Scribble.

Wow. Reading that back, I can see where the Robot Landon comment comes from. What I was trying to say was that I never truly felt like I missed someone until I knew what life was like, not seeing your beautiful face and witnessing one of your infamous eye rolls. But most of all, I miss our silence and not for the reason you think.

I miss just simply existing next to you. No touching. No talking. Nothing but silence and comfort. That kind of silence is hard to come by in a place like this that you want to avoid it like the plague because it’s usually followed by withdrawal.

My heart wishes you were near, but my brain know we need this time apart. Only time can determine which is better for each of us.

This letter is long enough already and who knows if you will even want to hear from me after weeks of hopefully seeing clearly, so I will leave you with a promise from me and one for you.

In my heart and brain, I know you will make it to the light at the end of the tunnel. I promise.

My beautiful Bluebird, promise me that no matter how dark the days are, you will spread your wings and fly, even if it’s just a few feet.

To getting to the end of that string and pulling as hard as I can.

Storm

Overleve.

#5

Storm,

I hate that you can make me feel 101 different emotions in the span of a few minutes, even from hundreds of miles away.

I want to start this out by saying that if I didn’t want you to reach out to me, I would have had someone tell you, because I know what the thought of an unanswered letter would do to me in this state of mind.

Funny you mention your Dr. AJ saying the things he did, because my Dr. Kim said something very similar.

She has said so much and also nothing at all some days, but one thing has stuck out and I feel like I need to tell you so you know you are not alone.

It is said that two broken pieces of a puzzle cannot come together adequately unless they do the work to fix the broken elements. We may be broken right now, but by getting help, we are slowly reshaping ourselves to fit together again in whatever capacity we choose.

That woman may be a pain in my ass some days, but she has helped me grow far beyond what I could ever have imagined. And I’m very excited to see how much farther I can go.

Every single day, I wake up and decide if I am going to let myself drown or swim. Some days I sink far beneath the surface and some I swim miles away from shore.

One thing is always constant no matter the day, and it’s that I miss you. Every single day, I miss my best friend and hope that he is working on healing himself.

You say it to me all the time and I’m going to say it to you. You are stronger than you think and no matter the hardship, I know you will make it to the other side.

If you were here next to me, I would hold out my pinky and promise to try my hardest, but just know that as I am making this promise, I want you to do the same for yourself, because standing at the end of that tunnel will be lonely without you. So hold out your pinky and make the same promise you asked of me and one more.

Promise me that no matter the day, no matter the distance, no matter the hour, never forget that even if I am not near, I am cheering you on from the sideline.

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