Page 99 of Forgiving Fate

In this moment, underneath the purple lights flashing in the stadium, we are a family. If this is what unconditional love feels like, I never want to feel anything less.

My phone screen fills with droplets and I have no idea if it’s from the rain or the tears rapidly falling from my eyes.

A photo of Mom, Dad, and me at a concert for Mom’s birthday blurs as the tears become harder and harder to control.

Putting my phone back in my pocket, I tilt my head up to the sky and say through a cracking voice, “Happy Birthday, Mom. I love you.”

The rain falls harder on my face and I collapse to the ground, the weight of my parents truly being gone finally hitting me.

Six years ago, I was thriving with my favorite people, celebrating the best mom in the world. And today, I am celebrating her birthday alone as she drifts along somewhere in the universe.

Never in my life would I have imagined losing the two people I love the most in my life. No one ever thinks of losing their number one fans because that is morbid and depressing. This is my worst nightmare coming true and now I am stuck in this hell where they don’t exist.

All I want to do is escape back to a time where I was happy, but that reality is far from possible and I hate it.

Glancing up towards the sky, I whisper, “I hope you and Dad are attending a concert of your own wherever you are. I miss you both more than words can say.”

As the last words leave my mouth, I curl into a ball on the porch and wish for it all to disappear because this pain I have been pushing away is finally rearing its ugly head and I have no idea if I can summon the energy to get back up.

Chapter Thirty-Six

Landon

Monday

Landon: I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted that way. You had every right to say the things you did.

Allie: Thank you.

Wednesday:

Landon: Just checking in. Haven’t heard from you.

Allie: I’m fine.

Saturday:

Landon: Al. Please let me in. I’m really fucking sorry.

Allie: I’m fine on my own Landon. Focus on yourself.

Monday:

Landon: I’m leaving for a few days on a mission. I will have my phone on me the entire time if you need anything. Can I please see you when I get back? I’m sorry.

Allie: Yeah, I guess. Stay safe.

Wednesday:

7 AM

Landon: Mission went well. Coming home. Can I see you?

12PM

Landon: Allie? Did you get my text? Service was awful coming off the mountain.

5PM

---