Page 34 of Light of Christmas

Somehow Lainey captured what I see in Logan every day. Her strength, her determination, and most of all her ability to finally let herself live and be happy.

Footsteps bound down the stairs, breaking me out of my thoughts.

Logan and Willow come into the kitchen, and I point at the plate of food waiting for her. Logan is wearing her matching pjs.

“This looks good. Thank you.” She plants a kiss on my cheek, and I join her at the island. We eat our breakfast and watch Willow play fetch with herself with some toy unicorn Noah must have bought.

We finish and move to the couch. Logan doesn’t sit for long and moves to the floor searching for a present under the tree. After my family left, we spent some time hanging the stockings and putting all the presents out.

With the fire going and the snow falling outside, it’s the perfect Christmas.

Logan hands me a present. “Okay so I have to say before you open this, it’s kinda for both of us.”

“Okayy…” I open the present and I’m surprised. It’s a communication system that allows people to talk to each other when riding.

“So. I know we have our hand signal when we go on rides, but I thought this would be cool to have so we didn’t have to stop to ask a question or whatever.”

“This is fucking awesome, Angel. I never thought about getting one of these. Thank you.”

I can’t wait until the snow clears and I can take my girl out on the bike. This gift will let us ride for hours without having to stop. And allow me to check on her a lot easier.

I stand and walk over to the tree, stopping to give her a kiss on the way.

Handing over her present, I sit on the floor leaning my back against the couch.

Logan’s face lights up when she sees what’s inside. I got her a brand-new kindle. Hers was old and she kept having issues with it. And she was always running out of storage and I hated seeing her try and decide what books to delete so she could get new ones.

“Thank you, Bear. I love it!”

We take turns opening gifts and giving the animals theirs. I can already tell just by the amount of crap Logan bought them, I know we are going to come home with a car full of more from my parents and Noah.

Logan goes to my stocking and pulls out a small box. She looks nervous as she hands it to me, and it only makes me more intrigued.

“I want you to open it and then let me explain.” Logan says, hesitantly.

I unwrap it and open the box. I am speechless when I see a ring.

I glance up to Logan and she takes my shock as a sign to explain. “I know we won’t be getting married for a little bit because of how life is right now. But I wanted to show you that I am just as committed to you and us as I know you are. You have been so patient, kind, and understanding for putting off the wedding until things settle. But I just wanted to show you that even though we are waiting, in my mind you already are my forever.

“You came into my life and showed me how to live outside of the fear and what it felt like to be loved. And how to love someone. I know it’s not typical for a man to wear a ring until the wedding. And you don’t have to wear it until then if you don’t want to. I just wanted to give you a symbol of what you make me feel every day. You are so amazing at expressing yourself. And that isn’t my strong suit, so this is me showing you what you mean to me. This ring symbolizes a never-ending understanding that I have found my forever and my light.”

I look down at the ring again and take it out. It’s an all-black band with tree branches carved into it. As I spin it around, something catches my eye. On the inside of the band, “my light”, is engraved in Logan’s handwriting.

“Umm…Fuck. I don’t know what to say, Angel.”

This ring is more than a symbol of her commitment to us. It shows that she has finally let go of that last ounce of allowing herself to feel loved and be loved.

Logan smiles. I motion for her to sit on my lap, and she does, wrapping one arm around my neck. Her fingers instantly going to the hair at the base of my neck. “

The gesture relaxes me like it always does and I look down at the ring again.

“Can I wear it now?”

“Of course. But you don’t have---”

“I want to.” I interrupt her.

Logan giggles. “I would put it on you, but I want that moment to be saved for our wedding. I know it’s dumb since I already gave it to you, but…”

---