Page 84 of Survival

Before I could recover from the shock, Tucker rolled us over with a growl, his strong body hovering just inches over mine as he met my eyes. “You’re doing perfect, princess. I’ve got you.”

My heart sputtered in my chest at the intensity in his eyes, and he took my mouth with his in a possessivekiss before moving to the edge of the bed. The broad plane of his back stared at me as he glanced over his shoulder. “Where are the condoms? You might have that IUD in place now, but hell if I’m not going to take every precaution we can.”

It felt like I’d swallowed my own stomach for a second. I’d known this part was coming. Could I really do this?

Yes. I can. For us.

“In my clutch,” I whispered, pointing to where I’d placed it beside our bags.

He got up, and I watched him cross the room to the armchair with our things in the corner, gloriously naked with his cock at full attention. He grinned, spotting me when he was coming back.

“Like something you see?”

I immediately flushed, and his expression shifted.

“You’re amazing, princess. And if I haven’t said it yet, you look so damn beautiful tonight. I love you.” My heart skipped in my chest, and I nodded, emotion flooding through me.

“I love you, too.”

I lifted the covers for him to crawl back in and held them up as he tore the condom free of the package to roll it on. I crawled back over him when he was ready, hovering but not yet making the final move. Needing to steel my nerves.

I leaned down over him for another kiss, running my hands along his strong chest. I could feel his cock just below my core, and remembering the way it felt before, and I eased down to rub my clit against his hard length.

Our moans mixed, and I rolled my hips to slide against him, slowly up and down, the friction growing. Addictive.Tucker grabbed my thighs below my ass, sliding his hands up to grip, grinding me against him harder.

A sound escaped my throat I didn’t recognize, and before I could stop him, Tucker slid his hands up my waist beneath the gown, his thumbs brushing far too close to where they couldn’t. Instantly, I tensed, and Tucker froze as I shoved his hands away. I climbed off of him, flying out of the bed to pace the room, gasping for air.

No. No.I couldn’t do this. Not now. But images swirled around me as the room began to dim, and I became lost in the current of what I didn’t want to remember, only jolting back when Tucker grabbed my arm.

“What’s wrong?”

Blinking back to the present, I yanked away from his hold, wanting to smack myself when tears started to flow. I could already barely breathe.

Tucker grabbed me again, pulling me into his arms. “What’s wrong?” he repeated, his voice demanding yet soft, caring. I knew I was scaring him. I was scaring myself.

“I…can’t,” I gasped into his chest. “I thought…but…I can’t.”

“Was it me?” he asked, gently rocking as he ran his hand along my back.

“No.” I started to sag against him, my breaths slowly coming back. “It’s me. I can’t. There’s too much in my head. I can’t.”

“Okay,” he shushed me. “Calm down, princess. I’m not going to make you.”

“But you should. You need this, and I keep holding back.” My tears rolled onto his chest, hating myself. “Idon’t want to screw us up over sex. I don’t want to be messed up anymore. Iwantto make love with you again.”

Tucker took my arms and held me out, urging me to look at him, and I saw the wince he tried to hold back when he looked into my eyes, all of my demons on display. I’d thought they’d left, stepped aside, but they were just hiding, waiting to come out screaming the second I let my guard down.

“You really think I’m so desperate for sex that I can’t wait for you to be ready?” Tucker’s eyes searched mine, and I shrugged.

“No, not really, but I know how badly you want it, andI do, too. Really. And I honestly thought I could tonight. I was feeling so good today after seeing Chloe, but freaking Zane had to go and ruin it by messing with my head, and then Zoey…” I trailed off.

That’s what had triggered it all. Tucker had brushed beside that stupid scar. If only he would have kept his hands down low. I’d kept the gown on for a reason.

His gaze narrowed. “What are you talking about? What about Zane?”

Shit.Why did I even talk? I could have just told him I wasn’t ready and left it at that. “Nothing,” I denied. “Don’t worry about it.”

Tucker sucked in a long breath before releasing it through his nose, and I knew he was straining to stay patient. I just needed him to let it go. He was seeing way too much. I looked down, and he gently shook my arms.

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