Page 50 of Survival

“Shit. Jeez.” Tucker rubbed the already red handprint. “He’snot.”

“That wasn’tforthat. It was for not telling anyone how screwed up you are over your baby.”

“Well, no shit, Annie. Wouldn’t you be if you lost a child?”

“I don’t know,” I snapped back. “I’ve never had one. But I did lose a niece.”

Tucker gave me a sideways, sarcastic glance. “Try multiplying that by about a million.”

My eyes softened as my heart clenched. “That bad, huh?”

“Fucking awful. Don’t you remember how Izzy was? How we both know she probably is underneath it all…” I watched Tucker’s hand reach for the back of his neck, gripping in a tight hold.

“It hit you that hard, too, didn’t it?” I’d never realized it before. I’d been so worried about Izzy, but after today, it was obvious. All I’d done was tell Izzy to stop using the daycare as a crutch, that Zoey was gone and she’d have to deal with it sooner or later, when a look crossed Tucker’s face that I never wanted to see again.

I groaned at the memory of it now. I might as well have been Mateo talking in Jet’s living room this afternoon. I’d have to apologize to Izzy later, too. Even if what I’d said had been right, it had come out way too harsh.

Tucker looked away, a mask falling over his features that I seriously didn’t know how I’d missed before. “Let’s just not talk about it, okay?”

The softness left my expression. “Alright. If you want to be like Izzy about it, fine. I’m sorry forhowI said what I said, but it’s only a matter of time until one or both of you snap, and the rest of us can’t just not talk about it forever just to spare y’all.”

“Annie, if all you’re going to do is make me feel like shit, then you need to just leave. I got enough shit about needing to talk today from Nic. Not to mention all the pressure Izzy and I get from counseling with Ms. Lane totalk.”

“Then maybe you should.”

“Maybe I don’t know how to. Because saying one wrong thing in front of your sister will crush her all over again, and all I want to do is focus and train andforget.”

I blinked, surprised at the admission I wasn’t sure he’d realized he’d made. I debated then, not sure what to say, but then I realized it was the first time hehadtalked, that he’d said anything he’d needed. I hopped up and held out a hand.

“Come on.”

“What?”

“I’ll shut up about it. You won’t hear another word from me today, but if you’re feeling anything like me right now, we’ve got to get up and do something, or I’ll go crazy, and I know just the place. Are you game?”

He jumped up. “Lead the way.”

ISABEL

I hurried over to one of the cribs and lifted the crying baby girl gently into my arms. She was so tiny, only a couple of months old, and she melted into my chest as I soothed her. After a bottle and a diaper change, I sat down in the rocker in the corner of the room, rocking gently back and forth as I hummed a soft tune to soothe the little one back to sleep.

Softly, I stroked the baby’s face with the back of my finger. Chloe yawned and nestled further into my arms, sound asleep.

My heart pounded in my chest. This little one was new, and I was in love.

She looked just how I imagined my little girl would have, with such pretty brown eyes and hair, and she’d get such cute crinkles in her brow when she cried, just like Zoey would have gotten from her daddy. Her name even rhymed.

Tammy poked her head in the door. “Chloe’s mom is here for her, hon.”

I sighed and stared down at the soft, angelic face. Heaven was always temporary.

With all the little ones now gone, I prepared myself for the ride home. I didn’t even listen to the radio today. It never made the after effects of my job any easier, and Iknew today’s would be worse than any I’d experienced yet.

The throbbing took hold of my chest before I’d even made it down the street, but I clung to the memory of holding that little girl. It was so worth the steady ache I knew I’d be enduring the rest of the night, especially with Tucker mad at me, but perhaps it would be better by morning.

By the time I got home, my hands were shaking, and I went up to my old bedroom for a quick shower to try to calm my strangely extra frazzled nerves, sinking to the floor of the tub as I stifled my tears against my knees.

I knew seeing Tucker would help soothe the tremors when the shower didn’t help, but if he saw me like this, it would just prove his point. And I had my pride. I sent him a text to say I was tired, wondering if he’d even come to our bed tonight, and curled up on my old bed with my Kindle, ignoring how it trembled between my hands.

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