Page 37 of Survival

My eyes flared in warning. “She lost the right to be concerned when she did what she did.”

“Be glad you still have her.” His voice turned sad, and a wave of guilt went through me.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. She’s been struggling for a while now, so I guess the overdose shouldn’t have been a huge shock, but the timing of it…” I shook my head. It felt so selfish. I’d been breaking, and she’d only thought about her.

“I get it,” Nic offered, bringing me back. “But my point is still valid. With your friends if nothing else.”

“To an extent,” I reluctantly agreed. He raised an eyebrow, an act I noticed he used for a lot of communication. “I’m a lot better than I used to be. I felt dead inside after the accident first happened, but now, I can function.”

He nodded and pursed his lips, clearly considering his response. “Functioning maybe, but that’s it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I see what everyone else sees when you come home from work. You try to hide it, but that deadness you mentioned? It’s in your eyes those days, and you look…defeated. Broken. It’s no wonder they try to get you to quit.”

Good God, was my pain really that obvious? “I’m strong. I can handle it. If I can survive losing my dad and my daughter and almost losing my mom, then I can survive doing what I love.”

“Survive maybe. But what kind of a life is that? Don’t you want to live?”

I didn’t respond, glaring down at my hands I now held clenched in my lap.

“Food for thought,” Nic added.

I cursed to myself. The jerk. Fine, if he was going to leave me with this confusing mess to sort, then I could do him the same courtesy.

“So, what are you? Living or surviving?”

He paused and studied me carefully, a slight smirk forming on his lips. “Touché. But, Izzy?”

“Yeah?”

“I think you would have made a good mum.”

Oh, God. Everything in my chest grew tight. It felt hard to breathe. So much of me needed to hear that.

“Thank you,” I finally squeaked.

“I mean it.”

“I know.” I nodded, trying not to cry.

That was how Tucker found me later that night, curled up in the bed we’d been sharing with my knees pulled up to my chest, everything I’d talked about with Nic swirling through my thoughts.

He closed the door with a quiet click, heading straight to the chest of drawers for a change of clothes. It was basically like we’d moved in together. His parents had fought us on it, but with both of us being eighteen and Tucker putting his foot down, it was either the two of us here or inhisbedroom. His parents had chosen the lesser of two evils, not wanting us sleeping together with our younger siblings under the same roof.

I could see their point. I knew this wasn’t normal, but I literally couldn’t sleep unless Tucker was near. We’d tried in the beginning, but even with Annie crawling in my bed to hold me, there were too many nights she’d had to resort to calling Tucker. It wasn’t until he’d scoop me into his arms that my demons fled. Only to come back again the next day.

Too many memories haunted me.

I didn’t even know how to begin to deal with them. Counseling had helped some but not nearly enough.

I peeked over the edge of the covers to watch Tucker pull his t-shirt down, catching a last second glance at his abs, and I swallowed, a flicker of desire trying to surface. But I shoved it down. It couldn’t go anywhere. I was far from ready for that.

He pulled the covers back to crawl in and immediately pulled me against him, tucking me into his side, and I snuggled with my head against his chest, breathing him in, that scent that was just…himand his steady heartbeat calming my nerves.

My body finally relaxed to take a breath.

“You’ve been crying,” Tucker murmured into my hair.

---