Page 36 of Survival

“Like what?”

“Like why you are the way you are…sad, withdrawn, even when you’re trying not to be. Why your friends react the way they do around Zane. Why Annie loses it when people try to bother you and Tucker. Why Jet was so worried about you going into work today. Why you got so mad at him.” He ticked off the list like he was counting it on his fingers.

My brow rose at his description of me because I’d been praying I’d hid it well. Apparently not.

“I didn’t actually go into work today,” I admitted, looking down at the milkshake in my lap.

Nic raised an eyebrow, setting his empty cup in the cupholder before shifting to face me. “Really?”

I nodded. “I was helping Annie with something. Something that Jet can’t know about yet and something I promised I wouldn’t tell you about, either.”

“Alright.”

Seeing he wouldn’t push me, I explained. “I’m just tired of everyone giving me crap about my job. I love working at the daycare, but they make me feel so guilty for it, and it drives me crazy. I hate it. I can’t even talk to Tucker about it because he just gets mad at me, and now, evenJet’smaking me feel bad about it.”

“But Jet didn’t know you weren’t really going in.”

“That isn’t my point. He is, or hewas, the only one I could count onnotto give me crap.” I dropped my milkshake in the cupholder, not even wanting it anymore.

Nic frowned, and I could feel him assessing me before he spoke. “Have you considered why they make you feel guilty about your job?”

“Because they don’t want me to work there.” I sighed.

Nic smirked and rolled his eyes. “No kidding. Try harder.”

I gave him an exhausted look because that was exactly how I felt. I was exhausted, tired of fighting for this thing I needed, but I paused to really think about it this time. “They don’t understand.”

“What don’t they understand?”

I hesitated, searching for the right words now that I had someone who would listen. “That it soothes theache. That, for that little bit of time that I’m there, I feelbetter. I lost mybaby, Nic, just a few weeks before my last trimester, and holding those little ones makes it not hurt so much. At least, for a little while. For that little while, I get tobreathe. But my friends just refuse to understand.”

He sat quietly for a minute, taking in what I said while I fought back tears. “I think you underestimate them.”

I scoffed. “You just met them.”

“I just met you, too, but I think I have a pretty good idea of your character. And it’s very evident how much your friends care about you. We should all be so lucky,” he tacked on, staring back out the front windshield to the water.

Why did I get the feeling that comment meant something more? Probably because his eyes went hard as stone again. He looked sounlike Jet when he wore that look.

“You wanna talk about it?”

He looked back at me, surprised. “Talk about what?”

“Whatever’s bothering you.”

He shook his head, recognition flaring that I could read him as easily as he could read me. “No. No, not tonight.”

“Okay. Another time, then.”But Iwillfind out what’s behind that look.

“Another time,” Nic agreed. “Tonight’s your night.”

“I thought we were done talking about me.”

“Not quite.” He smiled, his eyes softening out of their stone state, and I sighed, everything in me tired.

“What’s left then?”

“Exactly what you already brought up. I’m not saying I don’t understand the pull, but you’re working withbabies, Izzy, and you just lost one. Don’t you think that’s reason enough for the people you’re closest to to be concerned? Your mom, too, I’ll bet, even though she can’t be here now.”

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