Page 37 of Broken

“Mom.” I stumbled the next few steps, hurrying to follow. She ignored me. “Mom.”

“Izzy, not now.” She stopped in the doorway of her room, gripping the doorjamb. She kept her back to me.

“But–”

“I feel like shit, even more so now that I know you’ve been hiding something like this from me. Can we please talk when I don’t feel like death?”

“Um, yeah.” I didn’t know what to say, hating the bite to her words. She shut the door, leaving me standing in the hallway as tears pricked at the backs of my eyes. I felt terrible. I felt like such an awful daughter. I’d never meant for her to find out this way, and now…

Tucker came to a stop at the end of the hall, leaning with his shoulder against the wall. “She okay?”

I shook my head, turning to look at him with a glare. “Why did you do that?”

“Because shesawus, Izzy. You should’ve told her sooner, like I said. I wasn’t going to lie to her when it was right in front of her face.”

“No, but you could’ve let me figure out a better way to say it,” I hissed, pushing past him to head back to the living room. I scooped up the blanket, flipping it out across the back of the couch so I could fold it, needing something to do with my hands. Tucker just turned and watched me.

“I could’ve, but would you have been honest?”

“How was I going to lie? Oh, sorry, Mom, this just happened like right now. I’m as surprised as you.” I rolled my eyes. “Please, Tucker. I wasgoingto tell her.”

“But you hadn’t. For months.” His own voice hardened, the tone not rising but shifting to meet my anger. My desperation I didn’t know how to deal with now with Mom shutting me out.

“Because I didn’t want tohurther! I told you.” Tears started falling down my cheeks, and I dropped the folded blanket onto the arm of the couch, swiping them away. Why couldn’t I stopcryinglately? I was just so tired of feeling like crap. And tired. The virus had sucked so much from my system and then everything we’d dealt with at school…

I dropped to the couch, wrapping my arms around my waist as I tried not to cry. Tucker came up, taking the cushion next to mine and pulled me into his chest. “Are you actuallythisscared about what your mom’s going to do?”

I nodded. “I caught her crying again, that last night you asked me to tell her? I tried, I ran so many ways through my head of how I could bring it up, but every one of them just led to her breaking inside and trying to hide it from me. She was holding so much in for so long, and she’sjustgetting help. How was I supposed to make it worse?”

Tucker sighed. “I get it. I think. You want me to stay?”

I shook my head. It just felt wrong now with Mom home and hurting. Because of me. “I need to check on Annie. Jet’s been up there a while. And Archer will be home soon. Helen’s been helping him with homework this week, which is awesome, but…” I trailed off, not even sure what I was trying to say.

Tucker just kissed my brow, unwrapping his arms as he stood. “I get it. Call me if you want before bed.”

I watched him leave and fell back against the couch, pulling a pillow across my face to scream.

At some point, I must have fallen asleep on the couch, and I woke up to feel a blanket being draped across me. I blinked, starting to sit up, when I heard Mom’s voice.

“Don’t. You’re fine.”

I laid back down, sensing her still standing there. The room was dark, save for the light above the stove in the kitchen we sometimes left on.

“May I sit?” Mom touched my toes. I pulled my feet up, making room, and the couch dipped as she took a seat on the end. She pulled my feet into her lap, running her hand over them in a few calming strokes, and I felt tension I hadn’t realized was there ease from my body. “I’m sorry for getting mad,” Mom started.

“I’m sorry for keeping it from you.”

“Don’t. I heard what you said. To Tucker. Why you were keeping it from me.” My heart lurched. She sounded so sad. “I don’t want you to be afraid to tell me things, Izzy. I’m yourmom. It’s my job to take care of you. Not the other way around.”

“It’s our job to take care of each other. You had Daddy before, Mom, but it wasn’t just you that lost him. We all did. It’s up to all of us to be there for each other. Annie and I dropped the ball on that with you for a while. We don’t want to do it again.”

Silence pulsed in the darkness for a few seconds before Mom squeezed my foot, and I heard the tightness in her throat when she replied. “You’re right. We need to take care of each other. But hiding things isn’t the way to do it. I was hiding how much I was hurting for so long, and look what it did to me. It wasn’t yourorAnnie’s fault.Ishould have gotten help sooner. With my job, I know the signs. It’s just so hard when it’syouto admit that you’re there.”

I nodded, though I knew she couldn’t see. “Are you getting better?” I whispered, the question sounding like a loaded gun, so much impact could come from the answer.

Mom took a deep breath, letting it out long and slow. “A little. I have a lot of work to do, but there are little things I’m starting to see. But what I know is I never want you girls or your brother to feel like you can’t come to me. That just makes me feel worse. You understand?”

“Okay.” My own voice sounded choked.

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