Page 25 of New Year

I abandon my homework and go to my room to prepare for the next day at school. How do I say sorry to Lindsey for the death of her cousin? What would I want someone to say to me if I lost Meghan? There are no words that could make it even a millionth of a percent better.

Lindsey and Chase are both out the next day though, along with Todd and Elaine. When they come back a few days later, I try not to let it bother me that I hear they had a quiet, private service for Devlin. I tell myself it’s silly to be offended that I wasn’t invited. It had nothing to do with me. Still, I’m Lindsey’s friend. I wanted to be there for her in any way I could.

She walks around with perfect poise, the air of tragedy not staining her but painting her in a romantic hue, a fragile figure of silent suffering. She’s treated with even more reverence, as if her pain elevates her to godlike status, a precious treasure that’s both hard as diamond to survive this loss and too delicate to touch, lest it shatter and vanish like an untouchable, iridescent bubble.

And then, as February begins, it fades away. The official “missing persons” notices stop being reposted and shared. The profile pictures go back to normal. Conversations turn to Valentines Day and the basketball team’s winning streak and Todd and Elaine’s breakup. The drama of life continues, while the drama of death stays where it was, forever frozen in the January of sophomore year.

One day Daria and Elaine come in to see me at work, mostly as an excuse to drag me to the shoe store to flirt with Jared, the hot sales guy. Another day Lindsey shows up.

“I thought you could help me pick out something sexy for Valentines Day,” she whispers when we’re walking down the corridor. “Let’s go to Victoria’s Secret.”

“Uh huh,” I say, though I’d rather shove a coat hanger in my ear and scramble my brain just so I don’t have to think about it. I may be okay with the fact that I’ll never be with Chase, but I’m notthatokay. But how can I say no to a girl whose cousin just died?

“He has to get me all the traditional girlie gifts,” she explains, as if I needed an explanation. “The least I can do is wear something he’d want to take off under my clothes.”

Hey, look at that, guess my brain can scramble itself.

“Uh huh,” I say again.

“What do you think?” she asks. “Should we go with girl-next-door or seductive temptress?”

“You know, maybe this is more Daria’s area of expertise,” I say. “Virgin here, remember?”

“You’re so right,” she says, pulling out her phone and opening her messenger app. “That’s why you’re such a good friend, Sky. Anyone else would pretend they knew best so we could hang out alone, but you never mind when someone else gets the attention.”

“Uh huh,” I repeat like a broken record. I wasn’t even thinking about it like that, like I was giving up a chance to spend time with Lindsey, and now they’ll probably ignore me and talk about their boyfriends together. I was just telling the truth—what do I know about sexy lingerie?

“She said she was planning a surprise for Colin that night anyway,” Lindsey says, tapping away at her screen. “She probably needs something new for that.”

I don’t have an answer for that. Daria hasn’t shut up about Colin since he came back, and I know better than to mess with Daria on the warpath. The only thing is, I’m not sure she’s still on the warpath. It’s more like she’s on a leisurely stroll down memory lane. Now that Colin is actually here, all she seems to remember are the good times they had together.

Fifteen minutes later, Daria comes rushing in, practically skipping.

“Oh my god, I’m so glad you texted,” she says, going straight to a rack of black lace garter belts. “Colin will love these. Chase too. Here, they have an extra small.” She hands a pair to Lindsey, and just as I expected, they forget my existence as they rush to find panties to wear with them.

“So, this is what guys like?” I ask, holding up a black lace thong.

“Definitely,” Daria says, wiggling her brows at me. “I bet Todd would like them too.”

“I thought I deserved better.”

“What can I say, I’ve become a believer in second chances,” she says lightly.

“I noticed,” I say. “I haven’t heard any mention of revenge in a while.”

“Can you blame me?” she asks. “Colin is so hot, like, way hotter than before he moved. He’s gotten so much taller, and I forgot how funny he is. He made me a bracelet out of notebook paper today. Isn’t that the cutest thing you’ve ever heard?”

“It’s pretty sweet,” I admit, but I’m remembering all her talk about marrying for money, and how she kept Brandon around because he bought her expensive jewelry. Besides that, she never talked about him much at all. He was just always sort of there, a necessary part of her life, like homework. She’s definitely never seemed this happy, so I try to be happy for her.

“Todd would take you back,” Lindsey says. “Chase said he said he regrets what happened in Winter Park.”

“Yeah, now that Elaine dumped him again,” I point out.

I’ve avoided talking to him for the most part, but I’ve seen him watching me a few times with remorseful, sad hound eyes.

“You should forgive him,” Lindsey says. “I mean, you need a boyfriend.”

“I do?”

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