Page 26 of Pied Sniper

“I prefer not to be arrested but since it turned out to be a reasonably positive experience, I can’t complain too much. Plus, your mom and dad were so lovely. They insisted on us bringing home several prepared meals so Jord and I can take it easy this week.”

My jaw dropped. “Mom never makes me food when I’m in trouble!”

“She’s very disappointed in you,” said Lily, glancing at me. “Hey, what happened to the dog? Do you still have it?”

I winced in guilt. The fluffy, little dog barely crossed my mind. I was more worried about Lily. “No. An officer from the canine unit took him,” I told her.

“Oh! Who gets him after them? That dog is definitely not police material.”

It was a good question. Who gets the dog? Tiffany didn’t have any family and I recalled her saying her assistant was out of town. Maybe her boyfriend would look after him, although now that I thought about it, I hadn’t seen him in any of her recent videos or photos.

“We could take care of the dog,” I suggested, looking semi-hopefully at Solomon. I wasn’t even sure I wanted a dog but Elf was so cute, I figured if I did want one, I wanted one just like him.

“Hmmm,” said Solomon, cutting me a side glance like he suspected it would be longer than a temporary visit.

“Is that a yes?”

“No.”

“It’s a no?”

“It isn’t that either.” He paused. “You’ve never mentioned any desire to own a dog before.”

“I didn’t know I might want one.”

“He’s very small,” said Lily, widening her hands to the approximate size and height.

“He only grew until he was perfect, just…”

“You’re going to say ‘just like me’, aren’t you?” Solomon rolled his eyes when I smiled. “He’s still very small,” pointed out Solomon.

“Size-ist,” I said.

“Look at it,” said Solomon, pointing to the floor. I looked at the floor, imagining the dog’s little face and eagerly wagging tail. “I can’t reasonably walk a dog that size.”

“Why not? Everyone will think it’s adorable.”

“I’m not adorable.”

“Women will think you’re adorable.”

“I don’t care what women think.”

“Don’t spread that around.”

“I feel like I should have some input here,” said Lily, pausing as she unpacked the leaking bag while making a small tower of baby socks, a hat, more snacks, her wallet and other random items. “As a woman, and your sister-in-law, and mostly because I have an opinion.”

“You know what I mean. I care whatyouthink, not a random woman on the street, staring at me while I walk a dog the size of a gerbil,” said Solomon, fixing me with a look.

“Elf is much bigger than a gerbil!”

“What about my opinion?” asked Lily. “Does anyone care what I think?”

“I will make him look like a gerbil.” Solomon sighed, ignoring her. He reached for a bottle of water and laid it on the floor. “Get on that stool so you’re the same height as me and look down.”

“You’re overestimating your height,” I said. Solomon raised his eyebrows so I sighed and climbed on the stool until I was kneeling and slightly taller than him. The bottle of water looked very far away. I couldn’t help wondering how people Solomon’s height avoided bumping their heads on everything and falling over all day long? Life truly was a mystery.

“I’m taller than you now,” I said from my lofty perch. “I should be the same height for an authentic comparison. Piggyback ride?”

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